First Girl (Reece Bibby)

Chapter Eleven

"I bet if we dusted her heart for fingerprints, we'd only find yours." -Rudy Francisco

It was Sunday afternoon and I'd been dreading this part of the day all morning. I had just received a text message from James, telling me that Stereo Kicks had arrived at the studios. "Charlotte, go and meet Stereo Kicks at the rear entrance, please," my boss, Tony told me. I didn't protest. I just did as he'd asked.

The lads were just coming through the rear entrance door when I saw them. I tried my hardest to avoid eye contact with Reece as I flashed the band an unconvincing smile. "Claire's with us," James told me, gesturing towards Barclay. Claire was stood next to Barclay, her hand in his. She had a huge smile on her face which made me wonder why she was so happy.

I showed the lads and Claire to their dressing room and asked if they wanted or needed anything. "Sound check is in ten minutes," I told them, still avoiding eye contact with Reece. I stood in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe as I waited for it to be time for the lads' sound check. Peter came rushing towards me with a crate of bottled water. "Tony told me to tell you that your duties for this evening have to be taken over by me as he wants you to stay with Stereo Kicks and make sure everything is alright for them," Peter explained. "Ugh. Pete, can't you stay with them?" I whined and he shook his head. "You'll be fine," he replied and put the crate of water down in the dressing room, beside the door. Peter gave me a friendly hug before rushing off down the corridor.

I turned around to see all of the lads and Claire watching me. "What?" I questioned. They all shrugged as if nothing had happened and carried on talking to each other.

"Right, lads, it's time for you sound check," I told them after I'd checked my watch a dozen times over the past ten minutes. I did a head count of the lads as they walked past me, excluding Claire. To my dismay Reece was the last one to leave the dressing room. "Char," he started but I held my hand up to stop him. "Don't."

"I'm sorry," he said to me but I shook my head. "You don't need to be sorry. What happened was my fault," I replied. "No, it wasn't, Charlotte. I was such a dickhead," Reece answered. I didn't want to talk to him. I was afraid I'd have to deal with the break up because that meant having to feel and I didn't want to have to feel pain because of him.

I looked Reece dead in the eyes and said, "The most selfless thing I've ever done is fight the urge to ask you to stay. I don't quite understand why you did what you did but if it was because I can't have kids, then yes, that does make it my fault. And you're a pretty selfish person. But if you broke up with me because you thought my heart wasn't in it, then you're wrong, Reece, so very wrong. It's you, Reece, it's always you. And I loved you so much or maybe I didn't. Maybe I just loved the idea of you."

Reece looked at me as if I'd just slapped him. And that very moment was the moment I felt it all. That was when I really felt the pain of losing Reece. It was if someone had stolen all the oxygen from the air and I couldn't breathe. I was lost. I didn't know how to live. You know when you can feel yourself about to cry, you get a horrible lump in your throat? That's exactly how I felt trying to stop myself from falling apart in front of Reece. "I hope you find someone you can't live without. And I hope you never have to know what it's like to have to try and live without them," I told Reece before walking away from him.

I had to hide in a closet for a moment to recompose myself before I went into the staging area. I found Claire and took a seat beside her. "Are you alright? Reece just came to join the rest of us looking like someone had just died," she told me and I shook my head. "He wanted to speak to me and I said some horrible stuff to him about the breakup. And now I can't make the pain go away, Claire," I explained and she pulled me into a hug which stopped me from bursting into tears. I had to keep my shit together until I got back to Claire's house tonight. Then I could fall apart.

"I have something I need to tell you," Claire said when the boys had finished their sound check. "What is it?" I asked her as we left the staging area. "I'll tell you in the dressing room. Barclay wants to tell you and all the boys together," Claire told me as we walked back along the corridor towards Stereo Kicks' dressing room.

Once all the lads, Claire and I were in the dressing room, Barclay shut the door and turned to face us all. He put his arm around Claire and kissed her forehead before saying, "Now, we didn't plan this but we are both really happy about it," Barclay told us and I nodded for him to go on. "Claire's pregnant," he announced, his expression holding the most amount of happiness he possibly could. The smile faded from my face as the lads congratulated both Claire and Barclay. I couldn't be in that room at that moment. I had to leave. All the walls were closing in on me. Was I dying? Gosh. It felt that way. I stumbled towards the floor and clawed at the door as I tried to reach the handle. I felt hands touching me and voices laced with concern as I kept failing to open the door. What was happening to me?

I looked up from where I was sat on the floor and my eyes met Reece's. That was just the sight that I didn't want to see. But it was a familiar, comforting voice that calmed me down. James was suddenly sat on the floor in front of me. "Charlotte," he spoke, his voice echoing around in my head. "You're okay. It's alright," he told me. He held out his hands for me and I placed my hands in his. He helped me up from the floor, my eyes on his the whole time. The next thing that happened was James wrapping his arms around me. I felt so safe and calm in his embrace. My thoughts were at a complete standstill. I was going to be okay.