First Girl (Reece Bibby)

Chapter Sixteen

"And how odd it is to be haunted by someone that is still alive."

I was sat on the sofa of one of Stereo Kicks' apartments with my legs crossed. Reece was sat on the other end of the sofa, trying not to make eye contact with me. James had gone into the bathroom to have a shower and I could hear him singing.

"Reece," I spoke, finally making eye contact with him. "I think we should talk about...things," I told him and he raised his eyebrows. "What is there to talk about?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know, it's not like we were once in a relationship or anything," I replied sarcastically causing Reece to let out a long sigh. "I am the definition of an arsehole," he started and I snorted. "You got that right," I mumbled. Reece ignored my comment and continued, "I regret hurting you like I did but I do not regret breaking up with you. But I think we should be at least civil with each other."

I stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if he was joking. "You regret hurting me? Aw, that's sweet," I replied sarcastically. "Char, let's not argue. I hate it when we argue," Reece told me and I shot him a glare. "You don't get to say 'we' anymore," I said. He moved closer to me, reaching out to touch me but I batted his hand away.

"Don't you see that you didn't just hurt me, Reece? You broke me. How am I meant to trust that anyone else will love me? You made me feel like not being able to have kids is a relationship death sentence. You made me feel so empty and ashamed. That's not how you treat people you love, Reece. So maybe you didn't love me. But I loved you so much," I told him. Reece looked defeated. I would've too if I had been in his shoes. We were both quiet for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"Do you know how difficult it is for me to see you with someone else? It makes me feel so stupid because I wasn't good enough for you. It hurts, a lot. And I know I shouldn't be jealous because you aren't even mine. But I will never forget us, Reece, no matter how much it haunts me that we're not together anymore," I explained before pushing myself up off the sofa. "So yes, let's be civil," I spoke bitterly before leaving the room.

It had been two days since Claire and Barclay had gotten engaged. Everyone was so happy for them, including myself. But I couldn't help feeling horribly jealous of her. She had everything I wanted. A baby, a fiancé. I envied her.

Claire had come over to the apartments as the boys had wanted to give her gifts now that they'd had time to buy them. James had forced me to go and socialize with everyone despite my protests to stay in his bedroom. I had only been to Claire's house once since we got back from Manchester. I knew the lads would be leaving to finish the last part of their tour soon so I wanted to spend as much time with James as possible.

When I went into the living area, Claire was sat on the sofa with a cup of tea in her hands. Barclay was sat beside her, an arm resting over the back of the sofa where Claire was sat. James sat down in the armchair and pulled me with him. On the coffee table there was a selection of various different baby clothing and toys. My heart ached.

"So, Claire, are you excited for the baby?" Chris asked as he sat down on the sofa beside Barclay. "Definitely," she replied. "This baby is going to be spoilt rotten with all these uncles," Barclay piped up. I wanted to be happy for Claire and Barclay, I really did. But this was killing me.

I stood up and went into the kitchen. I needed some time on my own. "It's killing you too, huh?" Reece asked. He was sat on the kitchen counter with a glass of water in his hand. I nodded, worried that if I said anything, I'd burst into tears. The two of us stayed in silence for a while.

James came into the kitchen and smiled at me. "Come on, Char, hiding away won't do you any good," he told me, taking my hand and pulling me back into the other room. All the boys were fussing over Claire, giving her baby clothes, talking about baby names. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried snatching my hand from James' hold but he wouldn't let go.

"James, let go," I told him but he frowned at me. "Char, don't be like this," he replied. "Let go of me now," I warned, my tears ready to spill down my cheeks at any minute. "What's wrong?" he whispered. I shook my head as if to say don't go there. But he didn't quite get the message.

"I can't do this," I told him before snatching my hand away and running into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and locked it before bursting into tears. James started banging against the door and asking me to come out of the bathroom. But I couldn't.

"Charlotte, please," James spoke but I continued to ignore him. I was sobbing so hard that I started to get a headache. The pain I was feeling was so unbearable. I couldn't do this; I couldn't be around this anymore. It was too hard.

James' banging stopped and his shouts quietened down. There was only silence now before I heard Reece say, "Char, I know I'm the last person you want to see or talk to right now. But I can guarantee that I understand how you're feeling. I understand that you're feeling scared and hopeless. And I know that this is so difficult for you but it will get easier, Char, I promise. How about you open the door and we can have a proper talk about this, eh?"

I slowly stood up and let out another sob before unlocking the door. Reece came inside the bathroom and locked the door behind him. "Oh, Char," he said before wrapping his arms around. I cried into his chest, soaking his t-shirt as we sank to the ground. "I can't do this anymore, Reece," I cried and he hushed me soothingly. "It hurts so much and I don't know how to make the pain go away," I told him but he continued to hush me and rock me slightly.

"I remember the first time I ever saw you. I remember thinking that I'd never seen anyone as beautiful as you. It was like you weren't real. And I was even lucky enough to talk to you. I couldn't believe my luck that day," he told me. I didn't quite understand why he was telling me this. I was crying my eyes out as he held me against him. It was hardly the right time.

"I never stopped thinking about you after the day I met you. I cursed myself for not asking you on a date. But when you turned up at the studios I couldn't believe it. I'd found you, the girl who'd been running through my mind since the day I met her," he explained. He was only making me cry even more.

"I loved you. I loved all of you. I still do. And nobody could ever take your place, Charlotte. I just don't think we're compatible anymore. Fate is a bitch like that," Reece spoke. I looked up at him, tears still running down my cheeks. "I still love you too," I whispered. Reece's lips curled into a smile before he said, "Fuck fate." And then, he kissed me.

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