invisible string - jaylor oneshots

you

There were times I often found that I couldn't sleep. In fact, it seemed rare that I could sleep. My mind buzzed with thoughts. Sometimes they were anxious thoughts, but the majority of the time I was just having meaningless conversations with myself in my head. Joe was here tonight, which probably didn't help. It was a result of the heavy storm that blew outside. Taylor didn't live far but Joe had quite profusely insisted that she stay so he could make sure she was alright. He was asleep in the room down the hallway, closest to our daughter. I remember him pulling her cot directly next to our bed when she was first born.

He said he just wanted to make sure that if she woke up scared, we would be right there to help her. But I knew the real reason was purely because he loved his little girl. He would protect her, just like he had with me. Just like he still did with me. Maybe it was just us, or maybe it happened with all couples who had split after having a child, but it seemed we were still connected. Still heavily drawn to one another like magnets.

Obviously that wasn't how it was when we first split. Not at all. If this kind of thing was happening a year ago, I'd be worried and angry that it meant the rekindling of our relationship. But right now, I am at peace with it. Just letting the days come and go as they pleased. Whatever Joe and I were in the end didn't matter. He's the father of my child. Our child. So even if I hated him to the ends of the earth, there really is no getting rid of him.

I stood up, letting my feet fall against the carpet. Joe's house definitely had the Joe smell. I was drowning in him wherever I looked. I don't mind. Maybe because I'm exhausted or maybe just because I really am at peace with us. I shuffled my feet down the hallway. I wasn't sure if he really was asleep. Maybe he was reading a book. Or maybe he was still up watching the television downstairs. Once I got to the end of the hall, I was met with both his room and our baby's room. I knocked on his door. My palms feel sweaty. I start to comb my hair aggressively with the tips of my fingers.

I'm standing there for 30 seconds when I decide to open the door. He's either not in or asleep. I expect the latter. When I open the door the dim lamp from a table in the hallway shocks light into the bedroom. Much as I expected, Joe lays comfortably on the bed. His head is resting on top of his arm and his air flicks all over the place. I am surprised however when he turns around to face me. Still laying on the pillow, he looks up at my face, squinting in the light.

"You alright, Tay?"
I missed him calling me Tay. I missed his rough voice calling for me. I missed the smell of him. I missed his arms. And being in this house with him reminds me of that.

"Yeah, I just–"
I'm at a loss for words. Why did I come in here? Because I missed him? Because I needed him?

"I couldn't sleep. Sorry. I woke you up. It's stupid–"

"No," he cuts me off. He talks like he's awake but I can see the sleep sitting in his eyes. "Don't be sorry."

"Can I just," I glance around, "Can I just stay?"
His eyes soften. I am no longer looking at a man, I'm looking at a tired puppy dog. A little baby one with floppy ears and big blue eyes. I'm a cat person. But here I can make an exception.

Joe nods, "For as long as you want."

He pulls back the light blue covers on the other side of the bed. They appeared to be cotton so I'm surprised when the silky material meets my smooth legs. I rest my head on the pillow. I don't feel tired. I am wide awake. I'm laying next to the man I once loved. I'm not doing it drunk. I'm stone cold sober. I'm not doing it out of exhaustion. I know I'm thinking straight.

I tuck the covers up to my chin. He too appears to be wide awake now. I want to touch his face. I want to feel the scruff of his beard against the tips of my fingers. But most of all, I want to know what he's thinking.

He thinks a lot but he's not the best at sharing what he's thinking. I was like that when we first met, but I suppose I trust too easily because he was able to break down my walls pretty quickly. It's never that he thought he couldn't count on me, I know that for certain. Joe just felt he couldn't really count on anyone. Then we learnt we can trust each other, rely on one another. I fucked it up. Back to square one.

"Taylor," he murmured.

I looked back up at his face. Lost in the labyrinth of my mind, I'd found my eyes on the sheets of the bed. My fingers fidgeted with the fabric of my t-shirt.

"Yeah?"

Joe's eyes are so blue. They always have been. I stare so intently at him at this moment that I notice how one of them is a slightly darker blue than the other. Well, I'm reminded of that. I always knew that. I've always known everything. So has he. After him watching me through everything, watching me give birth, there really isn't any room for secrets. There isn't any room for embarrassment.

Yet I currently feel like a giggling teenager with bright red cheeks. I currently feel like I'm keeping a big secret from him. I shouldn't ever have to. He loves me. Still. After I left him. After I broke his heart. After he broke my heart.

"I'm glad you stayed tonight," he said, a smile plastered across his flawless face.

"Me too."

really short but i wanted to write something so i hope y'all like it!