invisible string - jaylor oneshots

christmasbound I

this is 100% NOT my story so full credits go to the amazing person who wrote this (this is only the first part).

Snow is heavily blowing into her face, almost hurtful, making her favourite season in the world feel not that as comforting anymore as it usually does. She squeaks her eyes together quickly, her nose red from the cold while holding onto the little cold hand tightly as she steps up quickly. The big door of the old brick building is covered with a little roof. Luckily. She feels snow turning to water on the tip of her nose as she leans in to ring the doorbell. Taylor shakes her head one time, feels snowflakes fall down from her bangs. She then immediately looks down to the blonde toddler next to her, wrapped securely in a dark green snowsuit. Instead of Taylor, the five year old doesn't really seem to care about the fact that her entire face is covered in snowflakes, her little cheeks are flushed. She pulls out her tongue, tries to lick the snowflakes from her nose. Taylor automatically reaches down, strokes her hand over the little cold face to warm her up.
This snowstorm out here is crazy.
Just before Taylor gets to fix the two little buns on her curly head, which are also covered in snow by now, the door in front of her suddenly opens and the little girl immediately lets go of Taylor's hand, excitedly squeaks while running off and into the tall man's arms. "Daddy!" she smiles, reaches for him. Joe immediately picks up the cold and wet toddler, his big hands holding onto the small body as tightly as he can. He looks tired, she can see that clearly. He wears his old grey sweatpants and the white basic tee he always used to sleep in.
"My little angel, I missed you so much." He moans into his baby's arms, holds her as tight as physically possible on his arm. "I missed you too, daddy." the little toddler mumbles into his neck. Taylor swallows lightly, fixes the grip of her bag on her shoulder while feeling his stare on her, after pulling back from the tight hug. She clears her throat slowly, doesn't want to ruin the moment between Joe and his daughter but really wants to escape the ice cold breeze she's still in. "Can I come in?" she asks and the blonde tall man immediately lets the little snow angel down, signals her to come in. Eleanor immediately hugs his legs once more while gushing at him from the floor and Taylor feels her stomach churn.
It's always these moments in which she realises how much Eleanor misses her father. The way her little arms hold onto him. The way she craves his closeness in this moment, while standing in the doorway. This girl truly has a lot of love for her daddy and by the way Joe's eyes lit up as soon as he saw her, Taylor knows that he feels the same.
"Of course. Come in. I just made some hot chocolate." Joe says euphorically. He looks happy that they're here. She feels that even though she wishes he'd hold back his excitement.
Taylor smiles politely, simply closes the door behind her. She feels the warmth of the big fireplace coming from the living room, still smells her old Byredo candles that she left here.
"Uh, I'm just gonna give you her bag. A change of clothes is in there. There's her little jeans dress for tomorrow when we drop her off at school. And her glittery tights. We have also brought Barbie, Ken and her Elsa. We don't have a book but I think you still have the one where.." "Don't you wanna stay for some hot chocolate? The weather is insane outside and.." "To be honest I still wanted to work a little as long as she's at your place." Taylor says, looks at her daughter to not have to look at him.
She knows what he's doing. He tries this every time.
"C'mon Tay. I won't let you go home through this snowstorm. How on earth did you two get here without freezing anyway? Stay here until the weather is better, please." he says, his daughter pulling his hand, clearly impatient and wanting all of his attention now. He grabs the toddler and places her on the little velvet lounger that is right next to the wardrobe next to the door. Taylor sighs. She hates it, but he's right. Maybe the snow will get less soon. Maybe walking home in an hour really makes more sense. "Okay, fine." she mumbles, quietly takes off her black boots, places them next to his wardrobe. As she takes off her big black coat she can't help but smile silently. Joe, who's on his knees in front of the little green snowman, just leaned in to kiss his daughter's cold cheek. But a small kiss turned into plenty of kisses and Eleanor giggles loudly, tries to shove his scruffy chin away from her.
"Daddy." She laughs and Joe lets go of her, immediately reaches for her feet to pull off her snow boots. "Daddy, I have my wish tree for you. Ms. Clarkson said we have to make one for our mommies and our daddies and so I made one for mommy and for you. And I have one for me. Can you write your wishes on it, daddy? You have to do it fast before Santa Claus comes tomorrow. Can we make pancakes later?" Taylor just remains next to them, her arms crossed while watching Joe take off the big snow suit from the small body. He looks up at Taylor for a second and grins silently. She returns the smile, can't help but laugh quietly as well. The little girl can't stop talking. That, she definitely has from her mother.
"A wish tree? What's that, bug?" Joe asks with his thick British accent and looks at the blonde girl that just throws her head back laughing out loud. Her two curly buns are a bit messy as well and of course, she wears her favourite sparkly Christmas sweater. After all, she's still Taylor's daughter. It's more than obvious.
"Are you laughing at me?" Joe asks in a high pitched voice, acts a little insulted while laughing at his daughter who's still goofing around, then covers her mouth mischievously with her hands. Joe starts to poke her little tummy and Eleanor yelps laughing. "Daddy, a wish tree!" The girl says again, obviously can't believe that Joe still has no clue what this is. Joe in the meantime has shared an amused look with Taylor once more and grabs the little goofy girl to lift her up. "Why don't you explain to daddy what a wish tree is, E?" Taylor says and walks right behind them into the living room.
She takes a deep breath. Traces from her past interior decorations are still visible in these four walls. The little treehouse candle on top of the fireplace. The painting she made him for his twenty- seventh birthday is on the wall. Small reminders of their past are still haunting this house. She has no idea how he can simply keep all this. All these reminders of the dreams and hopes that never came true. All the things she left behind back then when she left.
"It's a Christmas tree that I painted and then cut out of the paper and.. and every mommy and every daddy can write down ten wishes for Christmas and the new year. And that's because my tree has ten pine branches." Eleanor explains, holds onto her daddy's shoulders. Joe places her on the high chair that's on the wooden dinner table in the centre of the room. He has never moved it aside, clearly held onto her promise to let Eleanor spend every second weekend with him. This time, it's the weekend of Christmas. A rough decision she had to make. Christmas without her baby girl. The first one without Eleanor. Her family was heartbroken about the fact that they'd have to relinquish Eleanor yet understood that it's Joe's turn now. After all, the last year has been difficult on him as well. The first Christmas without Eleanor.
The first Christmas without her.
"Wow and you made me one as well?" Joe asks, sinks his head and steals another kiss from Eleanor's head before looking at Taylor again. "I'm gonna get it, hang on." she says, knows how eager her daughter is to show her father what she has made in school for him. After entering the long hallway once more and finding the piece of green cardboard in Eleanor's little koala backpack, she returns into the warm living room and hands Eleanor her present. By now, the little girl has a hot chocolate moustache on her face already, excitedly hands the tree to her dad. Joe slowly slides another cup of hot cocoa towards Taylor's direction. She smiles silently and sits down on the opposite side of the two. Her eyes wander off into the kitchen behind them. He's still as chaotic as he used to be. A feeling of familiarity spreads all over her. She likes this feeling. She likes to think that some things maybe never really have changed after all.
"This is beautiful. Eleanor. Did you make this? All by yourself?" he asks euphorically, almost thrilled and looks at his daughter who sips on the hot cup of cocoa while holding the big cup with both of her little hands. She carefully places the, for her, huge cup in front of her again and nods proudly. A little proud smile creeped through her lips. "Love, that's amazing. You're a little artist. Like your mum, huh?" Joe asks and smiles, makes his daughter laugh and Taylor smile softly. He looks at the Christmas tree in his hands. The little girl has drawn many stars and sparkles all over the cardboard. Tree ornaments and hearts included. For a five year old, he really is impressed. "And that's where I'm supposed to write down my wishes?" he asks and points to the branches of the tree. The curly head immediately nods and explains to her daddy how it works. After finishing her hot cocoa and giving her dad more than a few cuddles, Eleanor storms off to the little big box at the end of the living room, starts to take out all her favourite toys that she has left at dad's house and starts to play on the floor. After a few "don't forget to put everything back into the box again later" from Taylor, Eleanor seems to be in her own world, humming a few Christmas songs she has learned in school while playing with her dolls.
"Everything good? How are you?" Joe asks, still hanging loosely on the chair in front of her, one hand around the still warm cup and the other one running through his hair. He looks tired. She can clearly sense that. "Yeah, everything's good. How are you?" Taylor asks, takes another sip from the cup in front of her. She's finally unfreezing, the fireplace clearly doing the trick. "Tired. I came home from New York this morning." he says, Taylor nods. "How's your movie going?" "Great. Yeah, really good." he answers, doesn't really go into it at all. For the first second, Taylor is confused. But then, she gets why. He doesn't want to talk about his career to her. He doesn't want her to think that this is still all he does, all he has. He doesn't want her to think that she was right, when she left. That the only priority he has is acting.
"How's Naomi?" Taylor asks, doesn't know why she even asked, clearly wanted to change the subject from his career as quickly as possible. "Who?" He asks, a big yawn escaping his mouth. Taylor looks at him in shock. "Your girlfriend? Naomi?" "Oh." He suddenly realises, blushes a lot. "Oh. good. good." he answers, seems just as uncomfortable as her. Taylor nods. She knew that they were never really a thing and his reaction just confirmed this to her. Suddenly it's quiet again, Eleanor's angelic voice making both of them smile. She seems to be in her own fantasy world, singing her very own version of 'holy night' while building her Barbies a new home on his carpet.
"What's new with you?" Joe asks, clearly wanting to break the silence and looks at her. „Not much. I'm just writing at the moment and.." "Your album?" "Album?" "You said 'writing'." „Oh." Taylor mumbles, "No, I'm.. I'm writing songs. For people. Not me. Mom duties make touring and promoting an album impossible right now." She says. Joe nods. He seems interested, but not as much in her albums. "I understand. But.. I can help you out more if you want. I mean.. I'm done with my movie and I'll have way more time next year. Nothing's planned at the moment. So.." "That's nice. Thanks. But I think I'm good." She says, looks up at him with that same cold stare and nods. This was clearly not the answer he wanted. She can feel that.
"Are you happy?" Joe suddenly asks and Taylor looks up at him once more. She feels a lump in her throat. She definitely wasn't prepared for this question. "Sure." she answers, manages to raise the corner of her mouth. She can't really look into his eyes. "You?" She asks, wants to take the attention from her and her happiness as fast as humanly possible. "I've been better." He says, a little too honest for her taste. Taylor doesn't answer anymore, is suddenly super interested in the cup in her hands.
"Mommy, look." The little girl suddenly comes running to her mom. Taylor has never been more happy about this interruption by her daughter, immediately turns to look at the Barbie Eleanor has in her hand. "It's the mermaid Barbie." She squeaks excitedly. Taylor looks at her daughter and smiles. "Oh honey!" She laughs, happy for her baby girl. "And we thought you had lost her in school. See? I told you to look at daddy's house first." Taylor says, her arm around her daughter's small torso, pressing a sluggish kiss onto her cheek. Joe looks at the two in front of them and remains silent. He feels many things at this moment. Things he knew he couldn't forget. Ever. Not in this life. "Call me next time and I'll have a look." Joe says eagerly and looks at Taylor with a serious look on his face. She returns his stare and nods. She feels this protectiveness radiating from him all of a sudden. They had this talk a few months ago. He wants to be more involved. He always says that. But it's difficult for her to let him enter her life when she's the one who wanted to leave him. "You were busy working in New York." "I'm never too busy to talk to you and I also would've known that Barbie was there. Also.. you have a key. Don't you?" "I won't use the key when.." "Daddy can we make some pancakes? I'm hungry." Eleanor interrupts her mom and walks over to her daddy to press her head into his side. Joe immediately picks her up and places her on his lap before giving her a cheek a kiss from behind. "First of all, we don't interrupt when mummy's talking, love. Second.. pancakes with bananas? And chocolate?" "Yes daddy." She smiles and Joe kisses her once more. Taylor remains silent. As so often since she's here, in his house. Joe seems so happy and carefree since Eleanor's here. He looks much more content with everything than when he first opened this door a few minutes ago. She swallows. Long forgotten feelings slowly seem to creep back up. Separating herself from him meant also separating him from Eleanor. And Eleanor from Joe. She separated these two human beings in some way. These two people who love each other endlessly. She takes a deep breath, looks at him and disappears in the kitchen. She spent too many nights feeling this overwhelming amount of guilt on her chest after hearing Eleanor ask for her daddy. After listening to Joe's crying on her speaker, begging voice messages asking her to come home. Asking her to give him another chance.
"One for mummy as well?" Joe asks, slowly looks back at her with Eleanor on his arm. The little monkey immediately crawls onto his back and giggles into Joe's neck while opening the fridge for her dad to take out all the ingredients he'll need. Taylor suddenly stirs from her thoughts, quickly shakes her head. "No, I should.. I should get going now." She says, quickly gets up. "Are you sure? It's still crazy out there and it's dark already." Joe says, suddenly not caring about the open fridge anymore, slowly walking back to her again. "I can call a driver." She says, smiles politely at him. Just when he was about to say something to her, Taylor interrupts him. "Goodbye, baby. Have a great time with daddy." Taylor says and Eleanor slowly crawls down from her father's back to touch the floor with her feet again to give her mom a last hug. "Bye mommy." she says and Taylor crouches down until her head is on one level with her daughter. She places both of her hands on her cheeks, kisses Eleanor's small lips gently. "Be nice to daddy and listen to him. Bedtime is when daddy tells you. No dramatic show stunts before going to bed, okay? love you." She says and kisses Eleanor again. "Okay mommy." Taylor smiles at her and gets up. Joe slowly walks with Taylor down the hallway, while Eleanor storms off to play with her doll house again that she has carefully built on the expensive carpet in Joe's living room. "Are you sure.." "Yeah, Brandon can pick me up." She says and holds her phone next to her ear already. She grabs her coat slowly, confused about the fact that her call doesn't seem to get through.
"Don't forget to make her go to the toilet before going to bed. We've had a few accidents in the last few weeks. Oh and no chocolate after 6pm." Taylor says and Joe nods. "I know." "Good." Taylor answers, desperately tries to call her driver again yet the end of the line seems dead. She doesn't seem to have any phone connection at all. The snowstorm that was predicted for this weekend must be the reason for this state of emergency in town. No phone connection. No tube. Not even London cabs are available today. "Don't you want to stay? I still have the guest room and I'd really feel better knowing you're not out there tonight. It's almost dark outside." Joe says, looks at Taylor with a concerned look. She's still trying to make her phone work, just stands in front of him with her black coat, ready to leave this house. "Shit, can I try your phone?" She asks and Joe sighs. "Sure. But think about my offer." He asks, and remains with her in the hallway. He doesn't move. He doesn't go to get his phone because he wants her to stay. She's been avoiding him so much for over a year now and he can't do this anymore. Not being with the woman who he considered the love of his life once is tough enough. But not even being able to talk to her normally, like they used to, is even harder on him.
Taylor notices his eager look while hearing Eleanor play in his living room. She slowly puts down her phone and sighs. Then she looks up at him. He has this hopeful look on his face. Taylor just shakes her head softly. "Don't you notice how awkward this is?" She asks, looks at him with an honest look for the first time in a while. "I do. And I don't like it." He seems thankful for her honesty at this moment. "Me neither." "We were best friends." He then says and Taylor looks up at him once more. She finds sadness in his eyes, even though he smiles at the thought of their past. She's captivated by his look, this trip in his eyes back then. Back to the secret moments they shared in every crowded room. Back to the secret smiles and the awareness of the fact that no one really knew anything, except for them. No one really knew what this thing was, this thing between them. They never really were just lovers. They were best friends. More than that. They had this secret bond that was there from the very first second. They were inseparable. They were the bestest of friends on this planet. A unit. One. Even long before Eleanor came into their lives.
"We always used to be a team and I don't see why we shouldn't be that anymore. We have Eleanor and we should be a team again. For her."
Taylor nods softly. He's right. Being co- parents means more than dropping the kid off at each other's houses and avoiding eye contact. She always admired how her parents dealt with their divorce, never letting her brother feel any tensions between them. And that's because there were none. That's because they decided to be a team for their kids. And this is how it should be.
"You're right."
"Why don't you stay over and we start to.. to become a team again? I'm sure Eleanor won't mind." Joe says and laughs softly at the end. Taylor smiles back at him. Of course she won't mind. If there's one thing this little girl loves more than anything, it's mommy and daddy time. Of course. This is what she was used to for the first three years of her life. This is how it was always supposed to be. Mommy and Daddy. Taylor and Joe.
"A team?"
"A team. Maybe not as good as 'team frosty crew' but.. still a pretty good team." he answers, smirks at her. He's thinking back to the same moment she does. She can see it in his smile. She can feel it in his eyes. The same starry eyes looking at her as back then...
Five years, three days and two hours earlier.
"Okay, can we go through this again?" she asks while standing in front of the little drawer in the hallway, struggles with putting on the silver bracelet that her mother has gotten her for her birthday. She's nervous. Not just a bit. Whenever things don't work out as they were planned, she starts to feel stressed and panicked nowadays. This new habit of her is also one of the things she still has to get used to when it comes to her unpredictable emotions nowadays.
"Taylor, this is my bloody family. Not the supreme court of the United States." He groans back from the kitchen, his mouth clearly full. "Stop eating it, holy crap." She yells at him, and is met by amused laughter from the tall man in her kitchen. She just shakes her head, finally manages to close the silver bracelet. With her high heels she slowly walks into the kitchen, finding Joe leaning against the corner. His head is sunk and he's focused on the lemon tart in front of him. With a silver fork he eats the messed up cake, clearly famished. His mouth is full and Taylor just shakes her head, crosses her arms. Joe suddenly notices her and can't help but smirk at her annoyed stare.
"That's gross. It was out there for three hours. The fucking cake must be frozen by now, how.."
"I like frosty cake." He answers, referring to one of their inside jokes. Taylor just shakes her head. She sometimes has no idea how this slender man can eat so much and not suffer from obesity or diabetes. He's literally about to eat the entire cake she has baked for his mum's Christmas dinner and which she forgot on the patio this afternoon. She just wanted the hot dessert to cool down for a few minutes. Everything was planned. His grandparents from Scotland would be in town. His eccentric grandmother everyone in his family fears. Because grandma Maria is not just a rich old lady. In his mum's words she's described as a 'dictator of taste', a 'meticulous old lady' and other unlovely things. Taylor has never met Maria, but the fact that she's about to give birth to her beloved grandson's first child is enough reason to feel pressured to give an amazing first impression. She knows that it's stupid to make it a challenge to impress this old lady. But she wants grandma Maria to like her. She wants her to think that she's 'good enough' to be part of his family. And Taylor is sure that she would've loved her lemon tart recipe. But thanks to her pregnancy brain, she left the beautiful cake outside for three hours and simply forgot it there. A snowstorm had hit the London sky by the time she remembered and her beautiful tart was ruined with snowflakes and water already. There's no way they can present this mess to his grandmother now. Even Joe agrees with that.
"You look beautiful, wow." Joe says all of the sudden and smiles at her with a full mouth. She just sighs, slowly walks up to him. He inspects her outfit once more. She looks like a model for a Christmas commercial. A Christmas commercial with a beautiful pregnant lady. Her red lips and her green velvet dress with long sleeves and high neck match perfectly. Her hair is curly as always and the little J necklace she didn't take off at all in the last two years is the perfect jewellery to this attire. She also wears high heels, which he hates nowadays. Because nowadays she can't really see her own feet anymore and stumbling in her advanced stage of pregnancy is something he definitely wants her to avoid. Joe looks into her beautiful face. Something is up. He can see it clearly.
"Baby, what's.."
"Give me that stupid fork." She interrupts him aggressively and casually takes his fork before shoving a huge portion of the cake into her mouth. He can't help but laugh at her. As much as she acted like eating the frozen cake was 'disgusting', she still seems to crave the sugary paste as much as he did before. "Someone's moody today." "M' no moody" she immediately complains with a full mouth and Joe can't help but smirk at her. He looks at her eating the ruined cake. She's about to cry, he knows that look. Joe just lets out a low breath, clearly amused by her behaviour. She looks like a Christmas ornament with the little bow on the back of her dress. A pretty round Christmas ornament, thanks to the baby belly in front of her.
He carefully places his hand on her back, draws circles with his big hands on the spot that pains her a lot nowadays. Then he slowly takes the fork from her, kisses her cheek to sooth her in advance.
"What are you doing?"
"Making sure you won't get sick before dinner. We've been there." he says in a deep voice, clearly trying to calm her. Taylor doesn't even fight him, just swallows the rest of the cake in her mouth and takes a deep breath. Joe then grabs her two hands and makes her look at him.
"We've talked about this at least ten times. You made the cake. If anyone asks, Isabel from your PR team has a friend that works at Crimson's bakery and she got you the recipe. You added some.. something, and that's why it tastes exactly as If we had bought it. Which we haven't. Because.. you baked it. With your bare hands. Like a real housewife." He says, clearly not as serious about their little lie as Taylor would want him to be. She seems stressed, feels like she failed already. "It was just a cake. Your mom asked me just for a fucking cake. Your grandmother will think I can't bake. Or cook. She'll probably think I'll feed my child Nando's for the rest of my.." "Taylor, no one will notice that we bought it." "We have to find another bakery. I'm serious. Your grandma knows Crimson's. Everyone does. Fuck. Why don't we.." "Baby! It's Christmas. No other bakery in our radius has lemon tart. I called every fucking bakery in this town today. Please calm down. Our plan is bulletproof." He smiles, both of her hands still in his. She just shrugs her shoulders, as whiny as so often nowadays. He can't help but laugh at her, then immediately pulls her into a hug. Her baby belly against his stomach, his hands on top of the soft velvet fabric on the back of her dress. She smells incredible, just like the pine scented fragrance she put on earlier. He can feel her slowly resting her head against his shoulder. The pressure of impressing his grandmother is a lot on her, even though she'd never admit it to him. She has planned her outfit for days, planned the dessert and everything she would say and do. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like the fact that she's stressing herself so much just to leave a good impression on his difficult grandmother. Christmas was always her favourite holiday. A ruined cake shouldn't be the reason for her not to enjoy it this time around. One year ago, when Taylor was pregnant for the first time, she put just as much stress on her as she does now. She was scared. She was terrified. She wanted this baby but she was stressed to manage pregnancy and touring equally well. The doctors assured her that the miscarriage happened for different reasons. But he knows that the emotional baggage has influenced a lot. The loss of their baby is something they both have learned from. She needs to relax. She needs to think of herself, not let these irrelevant things get to her too much.
All that matters is her and their baby.
"I just wanted her to think that I'm capable of feeding a family. I wanted her to think that I'm not just a stupid singer, but also.. a housewife. A mother. I just want her to like me." she then mumbles into his chest and Joe can't help but laugh slowly. "Where's your feminism all of the sudden?" "I forgot it outside with my dessert and my dignity." She shoots back and Joe smiles. He lets out a last sigh, then slowly moves his head to kiss her forehead. "She will love you. I promise. She'll never find out that we bought the cake." He reassures her, strokes her back up and down a few times. She doesn't move, remains limb in his arms and closes her eyes. She enjoys his back rubs. She enjoys them a lot.
"At what time do we have to pick up the cake?" She murmurs then, receives another kiss on her forehead from him. This pregnancy has been an emotional rollercoaster. She feels everything even deeper and more intensive than before, has no idea what she'd do if he wasn't there to rub her back.
"In thirty minutes." He answers, still keeps her close. She has now swung her arms around him and hugs him while resting her head against his chest. She seems exhausted. She's truly stressed about this. He knows that. "What If Patrick finds out and gives us away." Joe laughs quietly. "Nobody at my parents house tonight cares less for your cake than Patrick." He reassures her and she nods, slowly lets go off him and looks at him. Joe just smiles at her terrified facial expression and places his hands on her cheeks. She looks so beautiful. Even more since the so called 'pregnancy glow' has taken over her. She looks fuller than usually. Fuller and healthier. Flourishing. A life is growing inside her. A love is growing inside her. Joe smiles and kisses her slowly. She's quiet. Her eyes are closed. "Let's go, baby." He then mumbles against her lips. "Do you have everything?" "Mhmhm." She nods, fixes her bangs quickly. "Nutmeg." She suddenly says, looks at him with big eyes. Joe, who's fixing his tie in the mirror of the hallway by now just looks at her confused, unable to follow her fast thinking processes. As so often, nowadays. "What?" "I added extra nutmeg. Which is a lie, obviously." She says, walks towards him into the hallway. "Don't mess it up. Nutmeg. Remember this when.." "I will." He laughs. It's unbelievable how serious this is for her. "What If I say cinnamon, accidentally. That would totally give us away." He says in a serious tone, obviously ironic. Taylor just sighs and hits him in the side while grabbing her coat. She can't hide a smirk though. "Baby, I won't mess it up." He laughs, grabs the key from the drawer. "We're a team." He adds, raises his hand to high five her, but she doesn't react. She's too grumpy to participate, just fixes her hair in the mirror once more. "We're team frosty crew. Which has a total new meaning since your cake accident, by the way." He laughs amused and even Taylor can't hide a smirk. He's right. "Alright, Team frosty crew has to leave now. I don't wanna be late." She says, leaves the house with Joe within the next two minutes.
After the evening at his parents house has started off perfectly and Taylor has received tons of compliments for her outfit from his grandmother the moment of truth, which is the moment the cake was brought into the dining room has come. Surrounded by a Christmas tree and dozens of presents and family laughter, Joe can't help but smirk mischievously while taking another sip from his wine glass. He can see from the corner of his eyes how Taylor takes a deep breath while sitting next to him, suddenly moves her left leg nervously under the table. Everyone starts to eat the lemon tart and Taylor receives tons of compliments. She remains noticeably quiet for her usual self, but no one seems to notice anything except for Joe.
"Taylor, that is a remarkable tart. I'm impressed." His grandmother suddenly says from the end of the table. Taylor just smiles at her. "Thank you so much." "Tell me, dear. Did you bake it yourself this morning?" The old lady asks strictly in her Scottish accent, which makes it even more difficult for Taylor to properly understand her. "Oh, yes. Of course." Taylor says, Joe is fighting a laugh as hard as he can. "But I have helped as well. Right, babe?" Joe suddenly says and looks at Taylor. They share a mischievous look and she grins back at him. She wants to kill him. He can see that in her eyes.
"Yeah. Joseph is a great helper in the kitchen." Taylor says in a monotone voice, receives an ironic smirk from Patrick on the opposite of her who's eating the pie amusedly. "He added the nutmeg." Taylor adds and smirks at Joe once more. "Wasn't it cinnamon, love?" Joe teases and looks back at her while chewing the cake. Taylor looks at him once more and shakes her head quietly, still slightly smirking at him. He thinks he's so smart. "No, babe. It was nutmeg. I'm very sure." She says and the conversations on the table seem to change again. Maria asks Patrick about his majors in school and Tom tells his grandpa about his new Job in Dublin. Taylor and Joe still smirk at each other. They don't really talk, just laugh quietly. Everyone in the room is focused on the conversations between Tom and his grandfather. This is one of these moments in which they're back in their own little world. Laughing about something no one understands and no one will ever understand. Joe suddenly grabs her fork and fills it with some pie from her plate. He then leads the fork into her mouth, feeds her like a little child. She laughs softly, a bit embarrassed of his behaviour in front of his grandparents but then opens her mouth. Elizabeth looks at these two lovebirds fooling around and smiles quietly to herself before following the other conversations again. "What are you doing?" Taylor whispers with a full mouth, still looks at him and tries to recover from her laughs. "Team frosty crew rocks. We did a great job with this cake, don't you think." "Team frosty crew should definitely shut up now." She answers him quietly, still chewing the dessert. Joe looks back at her and smiles. She does the same, can't help but stare into his face. His gorgeous, beautiful face. He looks so cheeky, the little dimples in his smile radiating happiness onto her as well.
Team frosty crew evidently rocks. Team Frosty crew is just getting started.
"Okay, monkey. Time for bed. Please put the toys back into daddy's box." Taylor says politely to her toddler, looks at Eleanor from where she sits. After Joe had ordered Chinese for the three of them, Eleanor was allowed to stay up a little longer than usual after not having seen her father for more than two months. The afternoon has still been awkward so far, after all. Taylor regrets that she agreed to stay. All she did was watch Joe and Eleanor interact. Joe kept on including her in their conversations but it seemed wrong. This was his time with Eleanor, not hers. He should be able to spend time with her all alone. She shouldn't be here. Not at all.
"Can I have bedtime with Daddy today?" Eleanor whines from the end of the living room and Taylor looks at Joe. "Going to bed is a difficult project at the moment, so If you want I can.." "No. No, I'll bring her to bed." Joe immediately answers her and Taylor nods. It's definitely his turn, If he wants. Taylor slowly gets up and grabs the empty plates, carries them into his kitchen. Joe in the meantime has stood up as well and walks towards his daughter. "You can leave everything on the table, I'll.." "No way. You're on bedtime duties, I'm on kitchen duties." Taylor interrupts him and Joe doesn't fight her. Instead, he walks up to the five year old curly head on the carpet in front of him and smiles. He missed this so much. Joe remains standing behind her, slowly crouches down to place his big hands on her curly hair. The little buns on her head are clearly missing.
"Ready for one of daddy's bedtime stories?" He asks and Eleanor immediately jumps up, reaches for him. "Yes daddy!" She squeaks excitedly. Joe gladly takes her onto his arm, amazed every time how big his baby has become. Five years. Five years since this little angel has changed his life forever. He slowly walks back to the kitchen with Eleanor on his arm, who has wrapped both of her little arms around his head. "Say goodnight to your mum." Joe says to Eleanor, who just says softly "Goodnight mommy, I love you." Taylor immediately turns around and faces her daughter. Even Joe has to smile at the sweet words coming from their little angel. Taylor can't help but smile at the little face, places the plates on the counter and walks up to Joe and her. Taylor smiles at the little girl, places both of her hands on these chubby little cheeks she loves so much. "Goodnight baby. I love you too." She smiles, kisses Eleanor's nose a few times. Then she looks at Joe who just smiles back at her but remains silent at this moment. "Don't drive daddy insane, monkey. Just one story, okay?" Taylor says and Eleanor just sweetly leans her head to the side and grants her dad the sweetest smile possible. Taylor and Joe both laugh. "She's got that from you." Joe says casually and then slowly walks out of the kitchen with Eleanor. She can't help but smile while watching them disappear. He's right. When she was always good at one thing then it's wrapping him around her finger just by granting him a smile.
"Can you tell me the one with the Papa bear and the babies, daddy." she asks him politely in her baby voice, hugs his head while being carried upstairs from her Papa. Joe loves the fact that he's not the only one who seems to crave cuddles. Joe turns his head, presses a big kiss onto her chubby cheek. "Alright. But first brush your teeth, love." He says and pokes the little girl into the side. She laughs immediately. Taylor slowly rinses off the dishes, and the two disappear upstairs. It's weird how habits have changed so quickly throughout the last year. Before their separation, Joe had always been the one to bring Eleanor to bed. Even when she was just a baby, Eleanor loved falling asleep on her dad's chest. It's because of his incredibly calm personality. He radiates calmness, always has. And that's exactly what Eleanor needed to fall asleep. Nowadays, she has gotten used to going to bed with Taylor. It has been a battle at first. But after a while, the toddler adjusted. That's what kids do. They simply adjust.
Taylor closes the dishwasher, asks herself if the situation tonight is weird for Eleanor. Does it bring back old memories of mommy and daddy together? Does she even have old memories of mommy and daddy together? If one thing has changed five years ago, then it's the fact that everything Taylor does revolves around the well- being of her child. Everything. Even her decision to leave, back then. She wanted stability for Eleanor. Not a father who would break promises every night, who would travel the globe for his career but forgot to make enough time for his daughter. She could've stayed, she would've. She would've given him more time to find his way, would've fought endless fights with him to make him understand. But this is just what would've happened if there wasn't a crying baby in her bed every night. This is not what Eleanor deserves. She deserves to experience faithfulness from a man, from her father. She deserves to experience unconditional trust from him. He's the first emotional male interaction in her life and she didn't want uncertainty to become the main emotion towards him. Taylor swallows. Just thinking about all the times he promised to come home and didn't still break her heart over and over again. The little cries from Eleanor's room. The tears that ran down her baby's face because she asked for daddy a million times already. Because she wanted her daddy. She needed him. Even more than Taylor did.
After drying the glasses with the grey kitchen towel, Taylor places the glass in the cupboard and closes the door. She scratches the back of her head and looks outside of the window. She smiles. It's still snowing and the immense amount of white snow that covers the street almost lights up the sky. It's the night before Christmas Eve and she loves the fact that they will, in fact, have a white Christmas this year. Just when Taylor was about to go back to the living room, she heard footsteps coming from upstairs. She peeks into the hallway with a confused look. But instead of her, Joe just casually enters the living room again, places the little baby phone on the coffee table of his living room before turning on one of the floor lamps at the end of the room. "What are you doing?" Taylor asks him confused and Joe just returns her look. "She's asleep. She was out after two seconds." He answers casually. "No. I mean the baby phone." Taylor says and he just looks at her again, not understanding at all what she's asking him, while walking past her and into the kitchen once more. "What's with it?" "Joe, she's not a baby anymore. She doesn't need a baby phone. If she wakes up she'll come to us, trust me." Taylor says amused about the fact that he still acts like Eleanor's a baby and unable to tell them If something's wrong. "I know. But it just makes me feel better to.." "To hear her snores while sitting down here?" She teases, leans in the doorway to the kitchen and looks at him grabbing something from the cupboard. "I just want to hear if she has a nightmare or anything as long as I'm downstairs." He says and Taylor doesn't reply anymore. Joe adores this little girl. He has missed her.
"Want some wine?" Joe asks then, reaches for the bottle of white wine in his fridge and looks back at her. "Is this part of our team building?" She smirks while still standing in the doorway, her arms still crossed. He doesn't really answer at first, just smirks at her while automatically pouring wine into the glasses. She loves wine, he knows that. He has spent too many drunk nights with her in bed not to know how much she likes white wine. "Drinking wine has always been our way to.. bond." Joe murmurs, fills the two glasses with wine and then puts the bottle back into the fridge. "Or our way to make a baby." She casually says and Joe looks up to her. They both laugh quietly. "You're right." He smirks, walks past her and casually falls onto his sofa. He then yawns loudly, runs his fingers through his hair. Taylor stands there, still more uncomfortable than ever. She still has no idea why she agreed to this. Why did she let him convince her that this was a good idea? Spending the night with an Ex? Never a good idea. Especially not if you have a child and lots of unfinished business together.
"What are you standing there?" Joe then laughs, signals her to sit down next to him. Taylor awkwardly walks up to him, sits down at the end of the sofa. He still laughs at her and Taylor rolls her eyes before nipping on her wine glass. She tugs her legs up a bit, casually leans against the cushion sideways and shakes her head at him. "Why are you laughing at me?" "You act like I'm a total stranger that you have to have a conversation with." he mumbles before taking a sip himself, clearly still amused. She blushes a bit, shakes her head. "Considering the fact that the last real conversation we had was more than a year ago, you probably count as a stranger." Taylor says, just realises how sad these words were that came out of her mouth. She swallows quietly, not able to look at him anymore. She doesn't know if these words were inappropriate. She didn't want to sound rude. "I tried to have many real conversations with you over the last year but you were the one who tried to avoid them." Joe says, not angry at all. He's calm. He can even look at her.
Taylor sighs, then finds her courage to look up at him. "I had my reasons." She just says. A little more reserved than she intended. "And these reasons were the fact that I was working a lot?" He asks provocatively and Taylor freezes. She looks at him, and doesn't react anymore. Does he call this 'becoming a team again'? Bringing up all these old things, all these old emotions that make her angry all over? If that's his idea of becoming friends again, then she feels sorry for him. "Do you really wanna go there again, Joe?" Taylor asks more tense than before, ready to play this game, ready to fight him If she has to. But Joe then looks at her again and his angry facial expression has changed. She knows this look. She has seen this look back then, last winter, when she dropped Eleanor off at his place for the first time after moving out. When he stood there in his door, dark circles under his eyes, hugging his daughter as if he was holding onto his life. This look is a look of surrendered anger. Sadness. Deep sadness.
"I don't." He simply answers, making Taylor swallow once more. She's angry. She's so done. She's so done being the bad cop. Him making her feel responsible for all this. For the reason they aren't a family anymore.
"I should go to bed." She mumbles, places her glass on the coffee table in front of her. "Can I ask you a question?" He suddenly says and Taylor sighs. She just wants to leave. She just wants to go home, to her own house. Far away from him and this living room. This room is full of memories and all these questions he has.
"What?" She says, almost angry at him for even asking. "Did you lie to me?"
"When?"
"When you said that.. that you left because I was gone too much. Or was it because you just didn't love.."
"How dare you even say this." She suddenly interrupts and Joe looks at her immediately with shock on his face. He never thought that this question would suddenly make her so angry. She looks devastated. Broken. He immediately starts to stutter, doesn't know what to say to ease the situation but feels all these emotions coming back up again. He's so angry. He's so angry at her for having this power over him. For making him feel all these things, after all these years.
"You left me a message. A bloody message, Taylor. You didn't..you didn't even want to talk about this. I barely saw you when you dropped Eleanor off at my place for the first time after weeks. I didn't even have the chance to explain. You just left with my daughter within a few minutes. I came home and you were gone. Both of you. My family. Do you know how that feels? It feels like losing everything. I didn't have a fucking reason to want to live anymore for months and months. So excuse me, but I do think I have the right to ask.."
"Goodnight, Joe. Thanks for the nice evening. I'm going home." Taylor mumbles ironically, immediately gets up and walks into his kitchen. She feels her heart bursting. There's no way she can be in one house, let alone one room with him anymore. She feels like she can't breathe anymore. She feels like he's taking her air. With all these words that just came out of his mouth.
"There's no way you'll get a taxi late at night." He suddenly answers, feeling another emotion creep up. He's scared. Scared to see her leave this house again. Scared to lose her once more, even though he didn't even really have her tonight. Not really. Not enough to tell her everything.
"I have security."
"Good luck having them drive up that hill with these snow masses." He murmurs, hates to express these feelings with anger bit can't help it. He seems to follow her around the spacious kitchen. She pours out her wine glass in the sink, then walks back to the living room to grab her cardigan. She looks angry, just like a volcano. Ready to explode.
"I'd rather walk home and die from all this snow than be stuck in this fucking house with you." She suddenly turns around, hisses at him. Joe doesn't reply, looks just as angry. He knows what's happening. He's been waiting for what's happening. It's the first time they actually talk. It's the first time two people are confronted with each other since they set a bomb and watched their world explode, fall to pieces. It's the first time I made eye contact after the storm. After their world has come to an end a year ago.
"I know. You left me a message on the speaker about that last year." He says with a sassy undertone, just as offensive as her. She just shakes her head, looks more angry than he thought was possible. She quietly puts on her cardigan, then pauses for a second and looks into his face.
"Fuck you. I really thought you were honest about wanting to work things out tonight. I trusted you." She yells, tries not to be too loud to wake her daughter. Joe just looks at her, unable to believe she just said this. He feels all he felt back then slowly comes up again. All the anger, all the sadness, all these memories in his head that seemed to haunt him to death.
"Oh you trusted me? Great. Cause I loved you. I fucking loved you. How does that feel, huh." He yells but Taylor looks into his angry face, then immediately turns around and walks away.
"Eleanor's Christmas play begins at 4pm and she has to be there at 3pm. Don't be late, her teacher will flip." She then says in a totally different voice. She seems cold. She has shut down again, has become as unattainable as she has been for the last year. Joe just watches her walk down his hallway, reaching for her coat. Her phone is on her ear already as she puts on her boots. He sighs, looks at her walking away. He knows that it wasn't the smartest choice to say all these things tonight when all he truly wanted was to become a team once more. But he couldn't help it. He couldn't keep these things inside. The hurt was too big to play this superficial single parent game with her today. He's not ready to be a single dad. He was never ready to be a single dad. He didn't sign up to become a single dad. He signed up to raise Eleanor with the love of his life. Not without her.
"What are you doing?" He murmurs, rubs his eyes. Watching her leave again breaks him even more. He feels exhausted from all these feelings that just boiled up. He feels exhausted from fighting from hating her. Joe slowly walks up to her, but she's faster. "I'm leaving. Bye." She hisses, immediately opens the door and walks outside. The second she steps outside is the second she realises that this, in fact, was a bad idea. A very bad idea. It's not just the immense amount of snow that is coming down from the sky. It's the intense wind that is making it almost hurtful to feel the snow lashing against her skin. Taylor squeezes her eyes, unable to fully open them as she walks down the steps from his house. She holds her phone closely to her ear, prays for Brandon to pick up. How can the phone lines be that damaged? The national news have predicted that this might be the biggest storm in the modern history of England, but she never thought it would be so bad. It was a mistake to let Eleanor convince her to walk to Joe's house. She should've taken security. She was so stupid.
Just when Taylor is about to fight her way through the iced front yard, she suddenly realises how slippery the floor really is. Even before she can catch herself, she loses her balance, fights to stay upright, but falls. Within a few seconds, her phone is in the air and Taylor slips, stumbles and falls onto the ground. She feels her back hit the iced floor, feels the hard collision in her bones. She feels like crying. Her back hurts. Her butt hurts. When will this streak of bad luck finally end? Taylor slowly sits up, realises that she has ice cold snow all inside her clothes. She's cold. Her phone is gone. She feels tears rolling down her cold and wet cheeks while sitting in the snow, right during this crazy storm. She can't help but slowly let a first sob escape her mouth. She's not sure whether it's her fall or his words. His words that sing on her heart like a knife. She feels so much pain, is not able to get up again. She learnt to get up whenever she fell. But this time, the cold hard ground is too heavy on her.
"Oh my god, are you okay?" She suddenly hears the same familiar voice behind her that was haunting her in her tears before. Taylor doesn't move, still sits on her butt in the cold snow and cries her eyes out. The white snow masses on the ground reflect onto the sky, almost lighting up this dark night. Taylor sinks her head once more, hears fast footsteps in the snow behind her, then feels two hands on her shoulders. "I found your phone. I saw you slipping from my.." Joe then stops, catches his breath as he realises that she's sobbing. Hot tears are running down her face and she immediately pushes his hands away, tries to get up. It's hurtful to move but it's even more hurtful to feel him standing behind her, wanting to help her get on her feet again. She can get up alone. She has enough strength to walk home alone. She doesn't need him. She just doesn't. Taylor closes her eyes in pain, then gets up. Joe grabs her arm immediately.
"It's way too dangerous to walk home right now. Please come inside, that looked really bad. Are you in pain?" He asks, feeling incredibly bad that their fight before may have been the reason why she's hurt now. But Taylor just doesn't turn around, tries to free herself from his grip while fighting the lashing snow blowing into her wet face. She grabs her phone from his hand, then tries to shake off his big hand that is holding her left arm tightly. "Let go of me." She yells while sobbing hysterically, and doesn't want to face him. Joe doesn't let go of her. There's no way he'll let her go home now. There's no way he'll let the mother of his child walk home all alone at night during a snowstorm after hurting herself already due to the crazy weather conditions. "I won't." He yells back, looking how desperately she tries to free herself. The entire situation must look almost comedic to strangers. Him holding onto her arm and her yelling, trying to free herself while being covered in Snow. "Let go." She yells again, then looks at him. He sees her crying face and swallows. He has never seen her more hurt than this. Joe immediately stops thinking, pulls her into a tight hug. She's still fighting him, begging him to let go. But he's stronger than her, just places his hand on her head, the other one around her figure. Then, slowly, she gives up. Let's him hold her. Let's him hold her in the craziest snow storm that she has ever been in. She cries hysterically into his jacket. Maybe because it all has gotten too much for her. Maybe because he smells like he always did. She can't stand the pain anymore, at this moment. She's not strong enough to stand it anymore, right now.
"I'm so sorry." He suddenly mumbles into her ear, while holding her. She cries into his shoulder, holds onto him desperately while he feels her limb body in his arms. She knows that he's not talking about the snowstorm or her fall. "I'm just so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She can hear him say, his voice changed as well. It's not because of the snow, she knows that. "I broke so many promises, I.. I don't know why. I always loved you. I always did, please.. Please believe me. Don't go. Please don't go right now, I.. I need you to not go tonight." He mumbles into her almost wet hair, is clearly crying now as well. The amount of snow that's coming down makes it almost impossible to not have a white layer of snow covering all of their clothes. Yet they're just standing there hugging. But it's not the gentle kind of hug, they often used to share. It's not the loving hug they were both used to. It's not a way to keep each other warm, anymore. It's a desperate hug. A desperate way to hold on to each other. Desperate not to fall. Again. Taylor doesn't reply in any way, just keeps on being more and more weak the second he talks. He holds her close, realizes that she's freezing, her entire body is shaking. Even more than he is. Joe immediately pulls back, looks into her face. Her cheeks are bright red, her eyes even more so. She looks destroyed and pale. She looks more hurt than he thought he'd ever see her. But she looks at him. She looks at him for the first time. For the first time since then. This is her, opening up.
Look what you've done to me.
This is her showing him that she's still there. That she didn't forget. She can't forget. Joe can't help but place his lips on her bangs, kisses her forehead slowly. She doesn't stop him, keeps on sobbing. He closes his eyes, breathes her in deeply. Just like then.
Six years, five days and three hours earlier.
"I don't think we can do this" Taylor cries, her eyes red and swollen. She sits on her bed, one leg under her butt, the other one hanging down. Her cold and wet hands are placed on her lap. The room is fully lit, even though it's 2 am. Joe just sits down next to her, hands her the glass of water.
"Take a sip please." "Everything will change. All we have will be gone. Do you.." "Taylor, take a sip." He repeats, this time a bit more strict. She hiccups a few times, then grabs the class with her cold and shaky hands. Joe remains right next to her, places his hand on her naked shoulder, strokes her hair gently with his thumb. She's absolutely terrified and panicked, will surely collapse if she won't hydrate soon. She has cried since hours. Ever since she went into that bathroom. Joe looks at her, watches her gulp down the glass of water. He knew how thirsty she must've been. In between crying and fighting with him, there hasn't even been a few seconds to drink something. As soon as she's done, Joe gladly takes the class from her, places it on the nightstand next to her. Taylor breathes heavily, exhausted. She doesn't move. Joe looks at her, grabs her shaky hand. "That's good. Breath." He whispers, looks at her with a sunken head just breathing. She's surrendering. She has cried too much. There's no strength anymore. "I can't kill it." She then mumbles, still not really looking at him. Joe can't help but smile, immediately places his hand on her cheek to make her look at him. Her eyes are puffy and she has red spots on her face. She always does after crying.
"I don't want you to kill it."
"I want it but not now. This was never planned. I wanted to get married first and.."
"We can get married afterwards."
"You act like this is all fun." She suddenly says, a bit more angry than before. She looks up at him, his hand still in her neck. She looks just as scared as before, her red eyes full with tears.
"It is."
"It's not."
"Taylor." He then rants, looks into her eyes, "This is our baby." he mumbles, a huge smile spread across his face. He immediately places his hand on her stomach, kisses her cheek. "We didn't plan this, but we always wanted this. I know you feel overwhelmed and you don't know if you're ready for this. But you will be. And just know that I am." He smiles and looks into her eyes, "I am so, so.. ready. I want all of this. I want all of you. I want the pregnancy, I want the sleepless nights, I want to raise this little angel. I want her or him to look like you, I want the parent teacher conferences, I want the tantrums. I want to do this with you. I love you. You're my best mate. I want this.. with you." He says, got way more quiet at the end of his little speech. Taylor still looks at him, her chin slowly trembling again. He still smiles. She's so beautiful. She's a mess but she's the mess he always wanted. The mess he will always want. He feels her cold and sweaty hand on his cheek. And then he kisses her. He kisses her, feels her hot tears on his lips. He can taste the saltiness. He can taste her fears. Her love.
"I love you too." She then cries against his lips. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess. I just.. this is just... it's a lot and.."
"It's fine. It's all fine. We'll always be fine. It will always be us, Tay. You and me. We went through so much. There's nothing we couldn't do. Trust me, baby." He mumbles, pulls her into a tight hug. She's still wearing nothing but her nightgown, has goosebumps all over her soft skin. He feels her soft sobs in his shoulder, kisses the little spot over her left ear a couple times. He then slowly lets go, wipes her tears away and smiles at her puffy face. She still looks scared but happy at the same time. He knew that it was his turn to calm her. She needed to be reassured that she's not in this alone. That this wasn't planned but is still something they both always wanted to happen someday. Joe can't help but place his lips on her bangs, kisses her forehead slowly. She doesn't stop him, keeps on sobbing. He closes his eyes, breathes her in deeply.
Taylor opens her eyes, then closes them again immediately. She still feels her aching back, feels her eyes that are still swollen and puffy from last night. There's relief though. Deep relief. She groans tiredly, then opens her eyes again. She looks around confused, realizes just now that she's in the guest room of his house. It seems to be late already. After all it's not even dark outside anymore. Taylor scratches her head, then looks around. She hears noises from downstairs, slowly slides the blanket from her legs. She wears some old sweats and a hoodie from him. She doesn't know these clothes, which implies that they're new. Taylor remains sitting on the edge of the bed, reaches for her back once more. She's making a face, then yawns. How could she be so stupid to just run out of this house late at night and think that she could just walk home alone. She's still emotional over his rant. But it was good to finally get it out. It was good to be honest to each other for once, even if that means that she has a hematoma on her back now. The talk afterwards was important. Nothing is fixed. But they opened up to each other again.
Taylor slowly walks outside of the room, then makes her way downstairs. As soon she gets closer to his kitchen, she can hear Joe's and Eleanor's voices coming from the kitchen. There's her childrens Christmas music coming from the living room and the smell of cinnamon and chocolate makes her smiles slightly. "Now stir it. Yup. Like that." "But Daddy, what's this?" "Just stir it a little more, angel. Look, let me help." Taylor yawns once more, remains in the doorway. Eleanor stands on a chair in front of the kitchen counter. Joe right behind her, guiding her hand with the whisk while stirring the dough. Eleanor then seems to notice her, turns around and is clearly distracted by her momma. "Mummy's awake." She determines and frees herself immediately from the chair and Joe's grip. Joe just turns around while stirring the rest of the dough, smiles at Taylor. "Great timing as always. Pancakes are coming right up." He says busy, as Eleanor already runs into Taylor's arms.
"Good morning baby." Taylor smiles at her daughter, picked her up and holds her on her arm. It's moments like these when she can't believe how big her baby has become. She's not even a baby anymore. Not at all.
"Good morning, mommy." The blonde curly head replies and Taylor presses a kiss onto her lips. "How did you sleep?" "Good." "Did you have a nice dream?" She asks, smiles at Eleanor. This has always been their little morning ritual. Eleanor loves to tell her mom about her dreams and Taylor loves hearing her talk, loves to spark her fantasy when it comes to telling her about a dream she had.
"Mhmhm." The little girl shakes her head, but Joe suddenly answers from the stove. "What about the the little baby bear that you told me about last night?" Taylor immediately laughs, presses another kiss onto her daughter's cheeks and sits down on the kitchen table next to where Joe is preparing breakfast. Her dreams always include cute pets. She has noticed that pattern. "Did you keep Daddy up last night?" She asks, Eleanor just shakes her head, playing with her mommy's long hair. "She came to me at.. about 4 am. We talked about the teddy dream and then went right back to bed." He answers, is filling the empty plate next to his pan with fresh pancakes by now. "Did you cuddle with Daddy?" She asks and Eleanor nods smiling. Taylor kisses her cheek once more. She's glad Eleanor got some snuggles from her Dad last night. She definitely missed that. Eleanor quickly frees herself from Taylor's lap and runs up to her dad again. Unfortunately, she's still too little to see how her Dad is flipping the pancakes. Joe laughs at how desperately she tries to climb onto the chair again, still in her Pjs. He then grabs the little girl with one arm and holds the big baby on his hip while continuing the flipping with just one hand. "One.. two.. three." He says, flips the pancake, let's the pastry fly for a few seconds and then catches it with the pan again. Eleanor squeaks, immediately claps her hands. Taylor laughs, claps for him as well. Joe turn around and laughs at these two girls before preparing the next pancake. Taylor looks at Eleanor. The way she looks at him is something that still gives her goosebumps.
She looks at him as if he's the king of the world.
He is the king of Eleanor's world.
"Again, Daddy." She says and squeaks one time which makes Joe laugh. "Okay we have one more left." He says, handling the pan and then flipping the pancake once more. This time he almost misses to catch it again, struggles to keep half of the pancake inside of the pan. Flipping pancakes with just one hand is more difficult than he thought. Eleanor laughs out loud, screams excitedly and then throws her head back laughing while holding onto his shoulders. Joe grouches desperately, then saves the pancake in the last second. His daughter is still laughing about her desperate Dad, lets her head fall against his shoulder while laughing out loud. Joe smiles at her, sinks his head to kiss hers while smiling at her. There's no sweeter sound than his baby girl's laughs in the morning. "Daddy.." She laughs and Joe turns around with Eleanor on his arm, places the plate of hot pancakes on the kitchen table next to Taylor. She still looks tired but she smiles at how much fun these two are having. She looks how Joe places Eleanor on her chair, immediately fills her plate with a pancake. Taylor helps Eleanor put some bananas on her plate, then looks at Joe again and grants him a soft smile.
"Looks good."
"Doesn't just look good, also tastes good." He says confident, smirks at her as mischievously as he always did. She replies an ironic smile and shakes her head. If he was always good at one thing in the kitchen then it was his ability to make pancakes.
"How did you sleep? How's your back?" He asks and Taylor seems a little uncomfortable, busy eating her pancake. "It's fine. Advil helped." She answers, doesn't really want to talk about her little break down in the snow last night. Instead she focuses on the girl next to her, runs her fingers through the curly mess on her head. "Are you excited for your play tonight?" She asks, knows how much Eleanor has been looking forward to her first Christmas play at pre school tonight. It's actually a big thing. The little girl was chosen for the main role, that is little Rudolph, and Taylor's heart has never been prouder. Joe promised to join as well after he has missed several choir performances and cake sales in the last year. This is his daughter's big night and Eleanor has shed too many tears in the last years when her daddy wasn't there to come along. If he dares to miss this one again, she'll kill him. Literally. "Yes, mommy." She answers, her mouth full of the delicious pancakes that her dad made. At home, Eleanor isn't that crazy about her pancakes. And even though Taylor uses the exact same recipe as Joe does, the pancakes of course taste better at daddy's house. Taylor has sussed that out already.
"Daddy are you coming with mommy?" Eleanor asks Joe, who immediately nods. "Of course. Do you think I'll miss my angel on stage tonight? No way." He says euphorically and Eleanor's eyes sparkle. Taylor looks at him with that one specific look he knows too well.
You better won't break this promise or we'll have a problem.
"Mommy are you coming with daddy?" "Of course, I'll be there as well." "No, are you and daddy coming together?" She asks once more, leaves Taylor confused. "Honey, why do you want us so badly to arrive together?" Taylor laughs, still not sure where Eleanor is going with this. But to Taylor's surprise, Eleanor suddenly becomes quiet, just slowly eats her pancakes with a pout. Taylor immediately feels that something is off, shares a look with Joe who just shrugs his shoulders. "Honey? What's wrong?" Taylor asks, her hand on her daughter's neck, playing with the tiny blonde curls.
"Emily said that.. that I'm a liarer." She mumbles, pouts like a baby all of the sudden. Joe has also put down his cutlery by now, looks at Taylor for help. "Why did Emily say that you're a liar?" Taylor asks, and Eleanor still doesn't reply. Instead she immediately rushes down her chair and crawls onto Taylor's lap, presses her little face into Taylor's chest. Taylor naturally hugs her baby tightly, feels soft cries underneath her arms. Joe looks at Taylor in shock. "Tell me what's wrong, baby. Come on. Mommy wants to know why Emily said that?" Taylor murmurs, sinks her head to kiss Eleanor's head. Eleanor then slowly sits up again. Her little face is red and a few tears are still running down her tiny face. Joe feels as if his heart is going to stop. The thing he hates the most in this world is seeing Eleanor cry. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.
"Eleanor. Give me your hand, angel." He says worried, reaches for her tiny hand over the table. She quickly places her tiny hand in her Papa's while still looking more than whiny. Taylor wipes her tears away, kisses her temple while rocking her slowly. She's still in her little cat pajamas and naked feet are hanging loosely down from where she's sitting. She looks like Taylor whenever she's crying. Joe swallows, gently caresses her tiny hand that he's holding on the table. "Why did Emily call you a liar?" He asks now as well and Eleanor looks at him with raised eyebrows and desperation written all over her chubby little face.
"Because.. she said that I lie because I don't have a daddy and.." Eleanor doesn't even have to finish. The entire mood has suddenly changed. Dead silence between them. Taylor swallows, slowly looks up at Joe. He looks broken. He has never felt more pain than in the moment these words escaped his baby's mouth. She can see that. He immediately gets up, crouches down in front of Taylor and Eleanor and grabs both of Eleanor's small hands. "Your daddy loves you so much, Eleanor. And tonight when I come to watch your play, Emily will see that she was the one who was lying. Because you know that you have a daddy, right?" He says, looks into her eyes. She nods. She doesn't seem to be happy yet. Joe looks desperately at Taylor. She doesn't know what to say, just sees in Joe's eyes in how much pain he really is while still holding her baby. She'd love to help him, but she doesn't know how.
"Do you love mommy? Daddies love mommies and.."
"Honey, who told you that all these rules about what mommies and daddies have to do?" Taylor immediately steps in, is sick and tired of these conservative values that the parents of this private school are giving their children.
"Do you love mommy?" Eleanor asks and looks at Joe who still crouches in front of the chair. Taylor suddenly feels her throat growing more and more tight. She didn't want to go there, but apparently Eleanor really wants to know. Joe hesitates first, then swallows before nodding. "Of course I do. I love mummy so much, you have no idea. Your mummy is my favorite person in the whole world. And so are you, my love. Don't let these girls tell you lies. From now on, I'll always be at any school event to prove these mean girls wrong, huh? Does that sound good? If you want I can say hello to Emily tonight." He says and Eleanor seems to finally look happy. She smiles and nods, then slowly crawls down from Taylor's lap and into Joe's arms. He hugs her tightly while crouching in front of Taylor's chair, closes his eyes while holding the little body as tight as possible. He's crying. Taylor knows that. He presses his eyes together, as tightly as possible. She swallows. His words have touched her. This is the first time she feels like crying as well. Where on earth did they they go wrong? How could it ever come to this?
"Daddy loves you so much. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't have a daddy because none of these kids have a daddy who loves them as much as I love you. Okay?" He mumbles into her ear and she nods. "I love you too, daddy." She mumbles and Taylor swallows, takes a deep breath not to cry as well. Joe then kisses the girl's head a few times. Eleanor seems to be easier to ease than they thought. She climbs onto her chair again, seems as happy as before. How easy it is to make a child happy. How wonderful this life would be if it would work like this for adults as well. Taylor looks at Joe but he doesn't return her stare, just sits back down again, stirring the spoon in his tea. "Mommy, can I get up and play?" She asks politely and Taylor nods, clearly none of them in the mood to be strict today anymore. Eleanor walks up, runs into the living room and starts to play with her dolls again. Taylor looks at Joe who just quietly gets up. He seems to have lost his appetite. She can't blame him.
Taylor watches him start to clean everything up and gets up as well. He's tense. She feels that. She knows him too well. He wants to cry. He is about to cry. She slowly places her hand on his shoulder while watching him rinse off the plates. He doesn't react. After all, he's not a bad father. He shouldn't feel like a bad father. Ever. "These things come from all these over- privileged kids with their old parents who are all lawyers or doctors. Don't.." "She's right. A dad attends school events. A dad is sitting in the front row. I'm not.." "Don't do this to yourself" She immediately interrupts, doesn't want him to go there. He has made mistakes, yes. But he has made so many things right as well. Eleanor adores him. She loves him to death. All of that is because he did so many other things right. Even when he was away.
"She loves you." Taylor says, her hand still on his shoulder, caressing him. She can't stand to see him like this. It's true that he hasn't been a great partner to her at the end of their relationship. But he's not a bad father. Not at all. "Yeah, because I make pancakes and pay for things." He replies quietly with that sarcasm in his voice that makes Taylor sigh. It makes her angry to hear him say things like that. Cause it's not true. Not at all.
"Joseph!"
"It's true though, isn't it?" He asks, trust around to face her. She lets go off his shoulder and looks at him, feels a lump in her throat. He has tears in his eyes. It's been a long time since she has seen him this emotional. She slowly turns around to make sure Eleanor is not listening to any of this. But the little girl seems to be in her own world again, slowly sums the words to her favorite Christmas song while playing on the floor. "It's not. Not at all. She loves you because you make her laugh, because you're so kind to her. Because you love her unconditionally. You brought her to sleep when she was just a baby and she has her earliest memories with you. Don't let these five year old brats let you.." "I should've been there." He interrupts, turns around to continue rinsing the dishes.
She doesn't fight him this time. Yes. He should've been there.
"You can be there from now on." Taylor says, not sure why it's so important to her to let him know that he's not a bad father after all. "You can become the helicopter Dad, If you want. You can change this from now on. You can fix this. You can fix all of this from now on." She says, reminding him of the Taylor he once fell in love with. The most positive person he has ever met. The little sunshine on a dark and rainy day. Her soft voice that was able to soothe all the chaos in his head. Joe slowly turns around. He still looks as emotional as before. But this time he looks right into her eyes. And it hits her deeper than she thought cause she can feel what he feels, once again. Just like it was back then. "I can't fix it all, can I?" He murmurs and she realizes that they're not just talking about Eleanor anymore. This is about them.
Taylor remains silent, doesn't stop looking into his eyes. She can still read these promises in his eyes. She can still read all these dreams that never came true. He's still Joe and he will forever be Joe.
"You will never know how much I wish you would. I wish you would fix this. All of this. Us." She replies with a shaky voice, feels how her knees are growing weak. She swallows her tears once more, looks at Joe who seems rattled up all of the sudden. He looks breathless, waits eagerly for her to continue. "But you can't. And you know that." Joe looks surprised, but sad and frustrated at the same time. He changes his standing position, crosses his arms slowly. This is not how he expected her little speech to end.
"I can. Why do you think I can't fix it?" He asks and she sighs. Do they really have to go there again? "Because you love your job. And having a child means that.." "You never gave me a second chance. Why? Why don't I deserve a second chance? I became this fucking young asshole Hollywood actor who didn't understand that family and job are hard to combine. I know that now. You were always more mature when it comes to that. But I have learned my lesson. Ever since you walked out that door, I have learned my lesson. I have learned what it means to loose your family. I know now that my job's great but my family is better. Why can't you forgive me? I just want a second.."
"Giving out chances means nothing else but bringing uncertainty in her life. This is not just about us anymore. This is about Eleanor's life. Her emotional life. If I tell her that Daddy will be there from now on and then after a few months you decide that your movies are more important again, how do you think she'll deal with it? I'm done hearing her cries when you decide to come home later. I'm done missing you." She said, suddenly realizes what just slipped out of her mouth. "I mean, I'm done watching her miss you. We can't have any more uncertainty in our life. And that's why I didn't give you a chance when you.."
"I'm her father. How can you not give me a second chance?" He suddenly asks and Taylor freezes. She looks into his eyes and suddenly doesn't know what to say. He just leans against the counter once more, his arms crossed, his hair still messy from bed. She looks into his ocean blue eyes while standing in front of him, then sinks her head and lets out a slow breath. He has nerves to just say this.
"Do you think there's anyone out there who'll ever love you two more than I do? You're my life. You two are my life. You as much as her. I would swim from England to America If I'd have to for you two. I.. I made mistakes. I hate myself for it. But that will never stop me from loving you. And I'm glad that there was a crazy snowstorm last night so I could finally imprison you in this house because this is the first time in months that you're not running away from me. I haven't.. I haven't touched you in over a year. I haven't kissed you in over a year. I miss waking up next to you. I miss us three. I miss my best friend. I just.." Joe sighs, ends his little speech and looks at her. He never thought he'd finally be able to say this and he's well aware that his timing seems off. The dishes behind him are waiting to be rinsed off and his daughter is on the other end of this flat, playing happily with her toys. The timing seems off but it has never felt more right to say these words. He looks at Taylor and she stares out of the window behind him. "You act like all of this is so easy on me. I miss my best friend, too. But I love her and I won't.. I won't cause this huge change in her life just because you say all these things. I want you to act, not talk. And unless you do, none our feelings are relevant here. She's a child. She's dependent on us and I won't.. I won't risk her getting hurt." Joe can't reply to that anymore. He just looks at Taylor who has had watery eyes. But she seemed to have caught herself again, slowly swallows the emotionality down. She looks back at him now and all he sees is her broken heart. The heart of the love of his life that he broke with his own hands. Joe looks down slowly, then looks back up again.
"I still believe in us. I never stopped believing in us. I still think that you and me are.."
"You got what I said. I should get going." She interrupts, this time eager to follow her plans. Joe swallows. He feels rejected. In a hurtful way. But he understands her. If this is her decision, he has to understand her. "Don't you want to drive together, later? I think it would be nice for Eleanor to.." "Yeah, I'll be back at 2pm. I'll help you two get ready." She answers monotone, doesn't look at him anymore. "Thanks for the breakfast." She adds, then turns around and stumbles upstairs to change.
Seven years, five days and three hours earlier.
"Put that damn thing away, woman." Joe mumbles, reaches for the polaroid camera in her hand. But she's faster, quickly stretches out her hands while sitting on him, still wearing nothing but his while T- shirt. Underwear is overrated. Especially when they have touched each others most intimate parts anyway everywhere already. She starts to squeak as she realizes that he's stronger than her, gives up as soon as Joe has towered her and lets go off the camera. He laughs at her, places the camera on her nightstand before pulling her back to bed with him. She laughs out loud, feels his strong arms grabbing her from behind. He bombards her with kisses on the cheek. She laughs, tries to fight him but gives up. "I just wanted one cute photo. Just one cute photo of my boyfriend." She protests, but Joe just keeps on working on her temple. "We're having sex. Can we agree on a no-cute-photo policy during sex, please." He whispers and Taylor laughs, closes her eyes. She loves the way he's working on her ear now, enjoys every second of his touch. His big hand is slowly making it's way under her shirt, his fingertips brushing her left nipple, giving her goosebumps once more. "We're not having sex. You just took a two hours nap, grandpa." she counters and Joe laughs, breathes out some hot hair. She can feel that tickling on her ear, his gentle hands that are still discovering all these hidden body parts. "You brought me to my limits. And we're too late for my mum's dinner already." Taylor smiles at him, loves the reason why both of them will be late. She turns around, simply looks at him. He smiles cheekily at her and she remains like this, looking into his eyes and granting him the biggest smile. She needs no words. Joe slowly gets closer, lets their lips touch each other for a split second before kissing her once more as If it's the most natural thing in the world. "This is so weird." She laughs then slowly into the kiss, her head on the pillow, him over her. She loves his weight on her. She loves the fact that their noses are still touching.
"What?" He whispers against her lips once more, slowly buries his hands in her hair.
"We're just.. everything." She whispers, is so close to him that there clearly is no necessity for them to speak up in any way. "And what's that?" He smiles, steals her full lips one more kiss.
"Best friends. Lovers. You give me orgasms." Joe can't help but laugh quietly. He buries his face in her neck, slowly suckles on her warm skin.
"I love giving you orgasms." Taylor smirks while placing her hand in his hair. She looks at the ceiling, feels his soft lips kissing her skin.
"I love that you love giving me orgasms." She replies. He slowly lets go off her, then crawls back to press his nose against hers.
"I love you." He answers and Taylor looks into his eyes. She can't help but touch his face once more, explores every inch of his skin with her fingertips. "Forever, baby." She smiles, kisses him slowly. Joe deepens the kiss, presses his body even more onto hers. He hears her soft moans while growing closer and closer. Her legs that slowly open up and the way she pulls him in...
"Mommy, can I wear the same lip color as you?" Eleanor asks for the fifth time since Taylor has entered the house. She stands in front of Joe's bathroom mirror, fixing her hair while waiting for him to get ready. She turns around and faces her daughter. The little girl is nervous, she can sense that.
"Honey, you will play Rudolph the reindeer. You can't wear red lipstick. All your friends' lawyer moms will think I'm an awful mother for allowing you to wear lipstick at only five years old." Taylor laughs at her pouting daughter. Sometimes when they have a girl's night at home, Eleanor is allowed to play with her make up. Put not tonight. And especially not with all these conservative private school parents in the room who already talk about superstar mom Taylor Swift and her child anyway.
"Please mommy." She pouts and Taylor was about to answer as Joe suddenly enters the bathroom. "Where does that pout come from.." He jokes, looks around and pretends to look for Eleanor. The little girl immediately starts to laugh, jumps up and down to make him notice her. Joe then suddenly notices her and smiles at Eleanor while struggling with his tie. Taylor smirks at him. He looks handsome, she won't deny that. Joe in a tie will always be nice to look at. "I want to wear the lip color like mommy. She looks so pretty." Eleanor pouts at her dad again, crosses her arms dramatically while pulling on the skirt of Taylor's dress. "It's called lipstick, baby. You look just as pretty without lipstick though." Taylor says, as Joe crouches down to be on one level with Eleanor. She still is throwing a tantrum, but Joe immediately places his big hands around her small figure, looks into her face. "Love, you know why I always hated when mommy wore lipstick?" He asks and Eleanor looks at him confused, doesn't understand how anyone could not like her momma's colorful lips as much as she does. She shakes her little head and Joe still holds onto her. "Because whenever she wore lipstick, daddy couldn't kiss her because then daddy's lips would be red, too. So what am I going to do If you wear lipstick now as well? Then I won't get any kisses here anymore." He says dramatically, makes Eleanor laugh out loud. Joe makes a grimace and then forms his lips to give her a kiss. Eleanor immediately leans in and gives him a kiss on the lips. He smiles at her, signals her that he needs one more and then gets up. Taylor quietly observes how Eleanor slowly walks off, grabs the rest of the Barbie's she has placed in front of the bathroom while playing. It amazes her any time how much Joe can calm her with his words. How he can simply make her laugh, in any given situation. Thinking that he's a bad father is so wrong. A bad father doesn't give his baby girls kisses like these. These two have a bond she'll always admire.
Taylor, who still leans against the counter looks at him. Joe notices her stare, looks back at her once more. She wears a dark blue dress, her hair in a bun. She wears high heels and he knows that she's already the fittest mum in the entire room of parents tonight. She always was.
"You look hot, mommy." He answers and Taylor just looks at him with an outraged look, immediately hits him into the side and rolls her eyes. He laughs, shrugs his shoulders while still trying to fix his tie in the mirror. "Shut up, Alwyn." She mumbles, can't stand to see him struggling with his tie any longer.
"Oh god, let me do this." She rolls her eyes, immediately reaches for his tie to help him fix it. Joe smiles down at her. She's concentrated. He loves that. She suddenly looks up at him and then back down again. This feels like normalcy. "Are you always that desperate without me?" She mumbles, clearly amused that it took him five minutes to fix his tie and for her less than thirty seconds to help him. She lets go off him, smirks and he laughs slightly, looks into the mirror once more. "I am. Look at me." He jokes, makes her laugh again. She hates the fact that it's so easy with him.
She hates the fact that she's enjoying this. Him.
"Do you still have some cash? They're collecting donations at the end of the play and I only have ten pounds in my.." "We pay them a ridiculous amount of money every year. Don't you think they.." "Joseph, this is your daughter's education and they ask for donations, so we.." "Alright, alright, mother Theresa. I'll prepare a nice check for this poor private Hampstead school." He smirks while fixing his hair and Taylor rolls her eyes.
"Be nice. We'll meet all of Eleanor's teachers, her friends' parents and.." "I know how to behave, Tay. Calm down." He laughs. It seems that both of his girls are a bit nervous for tonight. Taylor was just about to walk outside the bathroom to get Eleanor ready to go as Joe stops her one more time. She turns around and he signals her to step into the room once more, carefully closes the door quietly. "What?" She asks confused. Joe looks uncomfortable, knows that he still has to ask this. "Have you.. do they.. do they know we're not together anymore or.." Taylor looks at him a bit unsettled, shrugs her shoulders. She then crosses her arms, has no idea what to say. "I never told anyone. I don't think they know." Taylor says. There certainly have been a couple of break up rumors in the media this last year but never enough to even let the parents and teachers at Eleanor's school know that they're taking a break. "Do you want us to act like.. or.." "I won't lie to them." Taylor immediately answers, her arms still crossed. She has put her walls up once more. Joe just nods. Her answers was clear. Taylor walks out and Joe checks himself out in the mirror again. He doesn't understand her. In one second, they're laughing and she's opening up, treating him like she always did. In the next second he's the bad guy again. Joe sighs, rubs his eyes. Why does this have to be so difficult?
"Mommy, can I go to Anna and Lily?" Eleanor asks her mom while walking down the school corridor on her daddy's hand. She smiles at Eleanor and how excited she is. She's nervously bouncing up and down on Joe's hand. Seeing her friends with all these dressed up parents certainly makes the little girl more nervous than before. Taylor immediately stops, crouches down to Eleanor and smiles at her. "Of course. Look, Ms. Downing is also here." Taylor smiles, glad to know that her teacher will take care of the toddlers before their big show. "Baby, Daddy and me will be watching from the front row. Grandma and Grandpa will cheer on you as well and after that we'll celebrate you. Promise. We're so proud of you, no matter what. I love you." She smiles, give her little kid one last hug. Joe smiles at Eleanor, then also crouches down. Now it's his turn. He hugs her tightly, then whispers something into her ear. Taylor can't understand a word he's saying, just notices all the stares from the other parents that are also dropping off their child for last rehearsals in this big old corridor. She's uncomfortable, as always. This school is one of a high- profile yet she seems to be the only 'superstar' dropping off her child. As so often, people stare then turn their heads to talk to the person next to them. She sighs. How much she hates these shady London elitist parents.
Taylor looks down to Eleanor, who's still holding onto her hand and who's now laughing at whatever her Dad is whispering into her ear. Taylor can't help but smile. She looks so cute tonight, wears a jeans dress and her favorite shimmering tights. She can't wait to see this little girl in her Rudolph costume. A moment she'll probably never forget. Joe then kisses her cheek a few times before requesting another kiss on the lips and then gets up to let her walk off. Joe and Taylor both wave at her, look at her walking up to her friends. "She's so big. I feel like crying already." Taylor mumbles and Joe nods. He never thought that it would be such a weird feeling to see her do her own thing. To realize that she has fun with her friends, simply walks off and enjoys herself. That's how it should be. Still, it's the hardest thing to watch.
"What did you tell her?" Taylor asks him then, looks back at him while slowly walking into the other direction of the corridor. They pass a few other parents who are already on their way to the annual cake bazaar. "I just gave her some tips. From actor to actress, you know." He smirks. Taylor returns his smile. He and Eleanor have so many similarities. It's incredible.
"Okay, let me tell you a few important things.." Taylor mumbles before entering the big assembly hall. They quickly rush into the first row, place their coats on four seats and then make their way out again. "Ms. Hendersson is Anna's mom. And Ms. Mandra is Lily's mom. She's the Asian woman. We like them both cause they're Eleanor's friend. We won't talk to the big redhead monster. Her son Brandy has hit Eleanor last month and.." "He what?" Joe asks shocked suddenly, looks at Taylor totally confused while making their way through the big old hallway once more. It's dark outside already and the unpleasant old ceiling lights are lighting the building at this evening. "I told you about this." Taylor mumbles as they walk past the small classrooms once more. "You didn't." He immediately says, "If I would've heard that some guy has hit my daughter I'd remember it trust me." Joe answers and Taylor rolls her eyes at him. "That 'guy' is a five year old boy, so calm down." "I'm not surprised he's a problem kid already. His name is Jack Daniels, who the fuck.." he stops, immediately feels Taylor's elbows in his side. She shakes her head, can't hide a smirk as they walk pass a few other parents. He has always been overprotective when it came to Eleanor.
As they enter the room, Taylor sighs deeply. Her biggest wish is for this night to finally come to an end, even though it hasn't even started yet. She looks around. Many parents and teachers are having glass of champagne in their hands already while chatting the night away in all their British accents. Taylor hates these superficial interactions. An enormous amount of these parents are ten years older than them, showing off their huge diamond rings while sipping on their glasses. Taylor is very familiar to the stares as soon as she attends one of these school events. But this time, entering this room full of parents is suddenly very different. And it takes her exactly ten seconds to realize why. This time, the focus is not on her. It's on the handsome company in the suit, right next to her. "Is this Ms. Clarkson.." Joe murmurs, as the woman suddenly comes running to him, interrupts her answer. "Are you Eleanor's father?" - a middle aged woman suddenly walks up to them, immediately shakes his hand. "I mean.. you certainly are. The resemblance is astonishing." She laughs, doesn't even notice Taylor at all, not even grants her a polite smile while shaking Joe's hand. "Oh thank you. I hope so." Joe jokes slightly, makes the woman in front of them cackle in laughter immediately. Taylor looks around, can't believe that this is how this night starts. "Mr. Alwyn, we're so pleased to finally meet you. I'm Ms. Clarkson. I teach your daughter since last year. She's such a bright little girl. You must be incredibly proud." The woman gushes, doesn't even face Taylor at all while shaking her hand. She seems captivated by him. Taylor could puke right there. Joe just smiles politely as always, listens to the woman talk. "Nice to meet you, Ms. Clarkson. We heard so much about you already. Thanks again for the wish tree my daughter gave me." He says and the woman starts to laugh again. Taylor feels how annoyed she already is, after only five minutes into the event. She looks at Ms. Clarkson, notices how different she acts while talking to Joe. She's flirting. Being more obvious about the fact that she seems to find the man in front of her attractive seems impossible.
As soon as the brown haired woman starts to go on and on about how generous his last donation has been to the school, Taylor realizes that she needs a drink. As soon as possible. She slowly walks off, makes her way to the waiter at the end of the room and gladly takes two glasses from his tray. As she was just about to make her way back to Joe, she spots little Anna's parents and walks over. This is a small talk she can't escape.
Ten minutes. Ten minutes later, right when she noticed that donations are about to be collected, Taylor tries to make her way back to Joe. During all that smalltalk with all these boring people, Taylor completely forgot that the second glass was for Joe. She didn't mind though. Champagne is definitely all she needed to get over with this evening.
She slowly places the glass on the serving tray, then looks around the big crowded room. It takes her exactly two second to spot her company. And she can't believe it. Joe talks to a small group of some mothers. All of them clearly in their forties and clearly enjoying the conversation. She could get nauseous by the way these Hampstead moms look at him. The permanent giggles. The lovey eyes. She's used to this reaction when it comes to going out with him. Joe has always been dreamy and the fact that he's not really aware of this quality is part of the effect he has on most women.
Taylor crosses her arms. This is unbelievable. He's a father, for goodness sake! He's at his child's school. How can these mothers just stand there as a troop and flirt with him shamelessly. He doesn't even notice, she can see that in the way he talks. He's telling a story. He's not flirting. She knows him too well to differentiate his gestures. He's clearly not aware of the eyes these women are giving him. Taylor doesn't know what it is, but she suddenly feels a wave of protectiveness rush over her. Old feelings, very old feelings she hasn't had in a very very long time are creeping back up. Especially this one particular feeling she hasn't had in a long time. Maybe it's because he's wearing a suit or maybe it's because she sees how these women are looking at him, almost drooling at the sight of his gorgeous face. He is the father of her child. He came here with her. If any of these frustrated single moms think that this is how this works, then they're wrong. She's leaving with him. End of the story.
Taylor immediately starts to walk over. First one, then two, then three pairs of eyes are suddenly on her. Taylor immediately fakes a smile, leans her arm around Joe's shoulder and looks up at him. She can tell that he's confused by the way she acts around him, stops his story of how he filmed his very first movie real quick and looks at her in pure confusion. Taylor smiles into the group of clearly aroused housewives and apologizes. "I'm so sorry for interrupting. I was so rude not to introduce myself before, sorry. I'm Mrs. Alwyn. Eleanor's mother." She smiles, shakes the women's hands automatically. Not just Joe looks totally confused at her, also the women she's shaking hands with suddenly share a few confused looks. Mrs. Alwyn. Does that mean that Taylor Swift has gotten married after all? "Can I hijack my husband for a few seconds? Lovely to talk to you." She smiles, grabs Joe by his suit and pulls him out of this loud classroom. As soon as he walks down the empty hallway behind her, he finally opens his mouth. Still speechless about the scene she just caused back in the classroom. But Taylor's going fast on her high heels, dragging him with her in a speed that's confusing him even more. "Could you maybe explain to me what this was, or..?" Joe asks but she doesn't answer, instead seems eager to walk to the end of the hallway with him. "I can't believe you introduced yourself as 'Mrs. Alwyn'" he laughs, still not processing that she apparently decided to not tell these people that they broke up. He still walks behind her, confused of where's she's headed to. "What are you doing?" "Showing you the school that you pay thousands of pounds to every month?"
Suddenly Taylor takes a right turn, walks up to a closed classroom at the end of the corridor. She opens the door, then turns on the light immediately. "What are you doing?" Joe asks again. She seems different than before. More quiet.
"I want to talk." She murmurs, lets him enter the classroom, then closes the door and locks it. He leans against one of the small tables in the middle of the room, looks at her with a confused look on his face.
"Why are we.."
Taylor then walks up to him, doesn't even stop before simply kissing him. Joe doesn't move, hesitates for a split second before slowly placing his hands on her back, returning the kiss. She seems breathless, restless. Her kiss is gentle but dominant. She's angry. He feels that. She then lets go off the kiss, breathes heavily then stumbles back to the door. She walks back and forth. She seems out of her mind. And he's out of breath, not sure wether he's dreaming or not.
"Have you seen these sad, desperate women?" She suddenly turns around, starts to gesticulate with her hands in the air while looking at him. The red lipstick on her lips is clearly smudged and she's rattled up. Angry, to say the least. "Mr. Alwyn, it's so nice to meet you. Your daughter is such a joy to our school. Whoops-a-daisy, Mr. Alwyn, my legs just fell open.." she imitates them in a squeaky voice, makes even Joe laugh quietly. He still leans against the table, still more than confused from their kiss. But he gets it now. He knows her too well. She has had champagne, but she's not drunk.
Right now, she's drunk on something totally else. And that is called jealousy.
"You got jealous." He laughs quietly, his hand in the pocket of his trousers, while watching her come closer to him once more. "What was it that got you? I'm just interested." He smirks, definitely proud that she's still so protective of him. Taylor immediately wraps her arms around his neck, presses her torso against his and kisses him again. He feels out of breath. Her lips feel too good. Her smell. Her taste. All of that brings back all these feelings.
God, he loves this woman. He has never stopped loving this woman.
Taylor slowly lets go off him, nipples on his lower lip, her hot breath in his mouth. "I want you to fuck me in this classroom, Joe." She suddenly breathes against his lips, still sucking on his lower lip slowly. Joe looks at her, a mixture of pure lust and uncertainty in his eyes. Is she serious right now?
"Are you drunk?" He whispers, tries not to laugh. She's crazy. She always was. Suddenly Taylor kisses him again, seems to be sober enough to look into his eyes like she always did. And that's when she suddenly gets what he's doing. At first he was shocked. Then he understood that she was serious. And now, all he does is tease her. Tease her with his gorgeous smile. With simply standing there, not acting upon her hot words. He's showing her that she can kiss him, but she can't have him.
But If really he wants to play this game, she can play it as well.
Taylor slowly lets go off him, walks back to the door once more. She immediately turns off the light, then slowly makes her way back to him. He can hear the sound of her high heels on the floor, laughs quietly. He still can't believe what has gotten into her. This side of her was something he discovered after months into their relationship. They always had this undeniable chemistry. She learnt to open up, to live out her fantasies with him. This is her opening up again. This is her admitting that she still wants him by herself. Even after all.
"Have you seen the tall brown haired guy in the grey suit?" She asks through the dark, leans against him once more after returning to him. Her hands are in his neck again and her torso is pressed against his. She's almost nibbling on his lip once more while talking, leaving Joe with goosebumps. "His son is really friendly with Eleanor. He's a single dad. Trust me, there were so many cake sales where he looked at me and I.." She stops, bites her lips. She can see in his eyes through the dark that he's looking at her lips. Still captivated by the sound of her voice. The hot breath against his skin.
"And I knew that he'd love to do this for you." She finishes.
Two can play this game.
"Do what?" He whispers, and she bites her lips once more. "Fuck me in this classroom. Make me scream. Make me scream like only you could make me scream. Make me drip on your feet. Make me forget my own name while.. while having you in me. Inside of me." Joe's hands are suddenly incredibly tight on her waist as he runs circles on her sides and up to her ass, then he kisses her again. This time he's the one that's protective, almost possessive. Maybe it's the darkness. Maybe it's the fact that they both know how wrong this is. All of this. Joe starts to nip on her neck. She breathes out heavily, a soft moan in his ear.
"You're mine. And you know that" he whispers as he guides his tense hand to the hem of her dress, lets his soft fingers pull up the fabric inch by inch. Until he can feel her butt cheeks under his fingertips. She's wearing a thong. Her lips on his are driving him insane. He can't think straight anymore. A primal instinct taking over him. Just the thought of her being touched by another man is driving him insane. Only he's allowed to do this. Only he's allowed to make her moan into his ear like this.
"Fuck me." She moans out, doesn't have to guide him anymore. Only profanities are escaping her mouth and she knows that she wants this. She fucking needs this. Her hands are on his suit and she digs her nails into his back, so deep that she swears he'll feel the scratches on his naked skin tomorrow. Joe automatically kisses her, harder this time. His brain is on another level. All that matters is her. He looks into her eyes once more, right through the darkness of the room and pulls her thong down her legs immediately. He then pulls back, turns them around and places her on the table. He looks into her eyes and can't help but kiss her again.
She's was right. She's his. His only.