invisible string - jaylor oneshots

christmasbound II

FULL credits go to the incredible writer of this story!

"Are you okay?" He asks quietly, not really a whisper, not really a real sound coming from his lips. He's still out of breath, nervously buttons up his white shirt. He looks at her through the dark classroom, notices how she nervously tries to fix the curly bun in her neck, her hands obviously still shaky from before. She doesn't look at him, the only thing he notices is her breathing. She's rattled up. To say the least.
"What time is it?" She breathes out, starts to search desperately for her lipstick in her little leather clutch. She's shocked from the scene that happened in this room a few minutes ago. He knows that. Joe sighs, slowly steps closer to her again after putting on the jacket that is part of his suit once more. It's still dark in this room, only the light from the hallway shining through the little glass panel at the door. He carefully places his hand on her back and she doesn't move, still looking for her lipstick to fix the mess on her mouth.
"We have to.."
"It was nice. Beautiful, to say the least." He suddenly mouths into her hair, his lips on the same familiar spot on her bangs again, breathing out warm air while mumbling these words into her hair. She doesn't move, doesn't push him away. She just holds onto her handbag as if she was holding onto her life. She closes her eyes, feels his lips on her hair and his big hands around her body. Old butterflies in her tummy start to move again. Long forgotten feelings creep back up once more. She feels tears coming into her eyes and the stinging pain, the one that once turned her numb.
"I'm so glad you got jealous.." He whispers and Taylor swallows. She suddenly escapes from his arms, pushes him away from her. It was harsh. It was sudden. Joe looks at her walking to the door, turning on the bright lights. He blinks a few times, then looks at her once more. Her red lipstick is still visible on her full lips, even though it has faded. She looks terrified. He can see only now that she has tears in her eyes.
"What.."
"This was a mistake. This will never happen again. I had too much alcohol and these past two days just confused me a lot and.."
"So you used me." He says, leaves Taylor with a surprised look on her face. Never ever has he accused her of something like this after being intimate with her. She swallows. He looks so hurt. His hair is still a bit messy from her hands. His lips still blushed and swollen from all these kisses a few minutes ago. What did she do. What did she just do.
"I didn't.."
"You dragged me into this room, told me to fuck you, then made me jealous as I was hesitating. And now you tell me that this was a one time thing and.."
"I didn't use you, goddamn. I had a weak moment. I shouldn't have asked you to..to sleep with me. In a school. In our daughter's school. God, I can't believe I.."
"Me neither." He just mumbles, closes the jacket of his suit quietly. She swallows. He's hurt. He apparently interpreted her actions differently than she expected.
"Don't act like all of this is my fault." She suddenly hisses, feels the hurt turn into anger once more. It's something she never did in her life before. Taylor always tried to remain true and fair to the people around her. Joe is the only person she knows who could ever make her heart hurt so much that the only way to put up with these painful feelings is to turn them into anger. Into hate.
"You seemed to enjoy it as well. There are always two people involved in something like this. Why did you do it If you didn't.."
"I did it because I love you." He then answers and looks at her. Taylor swallows again, is proud herself for getting her watery eyes to stop. She can't believe that this is the third time today that he has said this. She can't believe he has the guts to simply stand there and tell her that he loves her. All over again. After everything that's been. And everything that hasn't been.
"I slept with you because I missed you and I love you and.. we have a child together. Goddamn, this is not just a fling for me." He ends his sentence, obviously angry and hurt at the same time. Taylor doesn't know what to say, just uncomfortably crosses her arms. She can't look into his eyes anymore.
"What are you doing?" She asks, as he walks down to the door again, quickly unlocks it before turning around to her once more.
"Eleanor's show begins in five minutes. Don't wanna be late." He answers, doesn't look at her. She just simply grabs her clutch, follows him outside and into the big hallway once more. They both quickly walk down the empty hallway. Most parents must be in the corridor already, definitely more on time than these two parents who got distracted elsewhere.
Taylor peers into his direction. He's quiet. Too quiet for her taste. She feels horrible. She seduced him, yes. But he wanted this. He wanted to be intimate with her just as much. It's true that it was a mistake to fall back into hold habits. But it was consent. They both made this mistake.
"I'm sorry." She suddenly whispers, can't control her mouth. The hallway is silent, nothing else but her high heels on the floor and the distant noises from the corridor audible. She blushes as soon as she has realized how gentle her voice has just gotten while walking next to him. Joe turns his head to look at her. He still looks sad and hurt. His blue eyes look empty and the corners of his mouth hang down. She remembers that look. It still pains her.
"I know. Me, too." He answers, doesn't say much more. She knows it. So does he.
As soon as they sneak into the full school's corridor, Joe rushes to the side of the crowded room, walks up to the front row. The curtains are still closed. Luckily they didn't miss anything. It takes less than two minutes in the full and loud room to spot them. She swallows. Elizabeth and Richard.
The second they spot Joe and Taylor is the second that Elizabeth shakes her head, clearly not pleased about the fact that they're almost too late to their daughter's first theatre performance in school.
"Where have you two been?" She whispers to her son, her brows furred together while wearing her best costume. Richard seems to be more relaxed, sits there and waits for his granddaughter's play to start, not even really aware of the fact that Taylor and Joe have just joined them on the seats next to them.
"Sorry, mum." Joe whispers, sits down. Taylor and Elizabeth share one look. A horribly cool breeze rushes over her. It's crazy how different this has become. Elizabeth used to be Taylor's second mother. And now she treats her like a stranger. No hugs anymore. No handshakes. Just a cold nod. Taylor knows that her leaving Elizabeth's son has made her angry. After all, she can't blame him. It's her who left. It's her who destroyed this family, in Elizabeth's world.
It's her who took Eleanor from Joe.
It's all on her.
Taylor sits down next to Joe, takes a deep breath. She's still shaky from before. She still feels horrible. Sleeping with her child's father was a bad idea. A very bad idea. Everything that was complicated enough is now even more difficult. Her efforts to not act upon any feelings seem to have failed. The nice little speech she held him this morning seems ironic: "And unless you do, none our feelings are relevant here" - apparently feelings such as lust or jealousy were, in fact, relevant enough to let him touch her in a classroom of this school. She can't believe it.
Her eyes wander across the corridor. Many parents are are waiting next to them just as nervous for they are. Suddenly her eyes meet Joe's. He smiles silently. This is about Eleanor now. This is not about what happened twenty minutes ago. She smiles lightly. He's right. Taylor turns her head further away, suddenly meets Elizabeth's gaze. Her eyes wander from Taylor to Joe, and back to Taylor. Suddenly Taylor realizes that she realizes. Something is going on between them. Elizabeth knows. Her sudden look gave her away. Within a couple of seconds, the lights are turned off and the spotlights are directed to the little stage. Taylor leans back and takes a deep breath.
This is about Eleanor. This is about Eleanor.
The curtains close and the applause starts. Taylor feels how emotional she gets while clapping, just like the rest of the room. She swallows as the curtains open again and a little reindeer with a red nose and little antlers as well as ten other kids in snow costumes step out once more and take a bow. She looks at Joe and her heart beats a bit faster. He's captivated by Eleanor, whistles a few times. She has never seen him so proud. Not when she started to walk for the first time, not when she said 'Dada' for the first time. This, acting, is what he lives for. This is his passion and the little girl up there seems to have a lot of talent already - something she definitely has from her father.
As soon as the play is over, all the toddlers come running down to their families. Joe turns to Taylor while waiting for their daughter. He looks emotional. His eyes are sparkling. Elizabeth and Richard look impressed as well. She's got it in her blood, that's for sure.
"Have you.. have you seen that? She's a natural. I can't.. I didn't know." He says breathlessly and Taylor smiles. She's so proud of Eleanor. Just like he is. He can't even find the right words.
"She's got that from you. She likes music but.. this is her thing. She's your kid." She says and Joe smiles at her. Taylor can't help but smile back because they both think the same thing in this second. They both feel the same overwhelming amount of pride running through their veins. Pure pride. Magic. We made her.
Suddenly a little blonde girl in a brown reindeer costume and with the antlers still on her head, comes running towards her family. She wears the biggest smile, everyone is cheering on her as she comes running along. Elizabeth and Richard clap immediately and smile but the little girl is directly going for her Papa. Her Papa who's crouching on her level, and immediately lifts her up as soon as she has reached his arms.
"Eleanor, great job!" Elizabeth and Richard smile at her. Eleanor receives a tons of kisses on her cheek from her father. She smiles proudly, doesn't let go of him. Taylor can sense that she's incredibly happy that he held onto his promise and came.
"Someone's about to win an Oscar, my love." He says, still on Joe's arm. Eleanor looks at him as Taylor immediately kisses her head.
"Great job, honey. I am so so proud of you." She laughs proudly, makes her daughter smile again as well.
"Daddy, who is Oscar?" She asks, makes everyone laugh. Joe keeps on holding her on his arm, starts to explain the little girl what an Oscar is, as all of them slowly make their way out of the corridor. After thanking Ms. Downing for her great effort in creating this little play for the kids, all the parents are leaving. As they walk down the stairs, Eleanor still on her Papa's arm, Taylor just awkwardly walks next to Richard and Elizabeth, the silence almost killing her inside.
Taylor quietly takes out her phone, happy that she has found something to make herself seem busy with. She hates the fact that everything has become so difficult. She hates the fact that people who she loved endlessly now walk next to her, avoid talking to her at all.
"Can we get some ice cream before we drive to grandma's, daddy?" Taylor hears her daughter ask Joe, as they reach his car. It takes just a few seconds and Joe has unlocked his big black SUV.
"Sweetie, I have made you your favorite caramel pudding. Just for you. Also, uncle Tom and Emma will join us as well.. let's go home, first. Okay?" Elizabeth gently pokes Eleanor's tummy, while the toddler is still on Joe's arm. But Eleanor just nods, looks at her mom with the same stubborn look on her face, that Eleanor had when she first laid in Taylor's arms after she was born. Eleanor has a beautiful face, Joe's full lips and Taylor's cheekbones. But the little stubborn look, the immense character strength in her eyes.. this is something she has had from day one.
"Mommy, can we get ice cream?" She asks, makes Joe and Elizabeth laugh. Taylor slowly steps closer to her baby and can't hide a laugh as well. She's clever, that's for sure. Taylor slowly places both of her hands on the chubby cheeks and slowly kisses the little girl's nose a few times. Joe has definitely had a lot more Eleanor cuddles than she had in the last two days. She misses her little stubborn baby already.
"Honey, grandma made your favorite pudding for you.. mhm? That's so much more yummy than ice cream." She says to support Joe and his parents who clearly want to drive home now, to have a nice Christmas dinner all together. Loud laughter, good jazz music that Tom has picked out. Elizabeth's amazing roast and Patrick's Christmas story that he still has to read to everyone. No matter if he's fourteen or twenty- one. He'll always be the smallest one who has to read a Christmas story to all of them. Taylor remembers all these traditions. She had been a part of these for way too long.
"Okay.." The toddler sighs and Joe can't help but let out a small laugh, as Eleanor leans her head onto his shoulder. He kisses her head out of reflex. Eleanor then lets Joe walk her to the backseat of the car.
"Are your parents in town?" Richard then asks Taylor and she looks at him shocked before she begins to stutter incoherently. This is the first conversation after it happened. The first time his family and her interact. Taylor feels how nervous she is, how ashamed she is. Even though she shouldn't feel like this. Standing in the silent parking lot of this school with them is weird enough. It's been way too long since she has last seen them. It's been way too long since they've spoken last.
"Uhm, no. But they'll be in town tomorrow afternoon. They spent a few days in Nashville with the rest of my family but.. I didn't want to miss Eleanor's play. So.."
"So you're alone tonight? On Christmas Eve? And on Christmas morning? Why don't you join us? There's no way we'll let you stay all alone at your house without.."
"Oh that's so nice but I'm actually looking forward to having a few minutes of silence. It's really not necessary.."
"No way, Taylor. Eleanor would love to spend Christmas with both of her parents and.."
"Richard, why don't you stop interfering into Taylor and Joseph's business? They're separated and she certainly doesn't want to spend the entire evening with him. Accept it please and don't be rude." Elizabeth suddenly interrupts her husband. Taylor swallows. Richard stands there, looks at Taylor and doesn't say anything anymore. Elizabeth has made herself clear while helping Joe with Eleanor in the children's seat. Taylor doesn't know what to say, just feels a horrible amount of rejection on her chest. Elizabeth didn't have to say it, but she has made it clear that she doesn't want Taylor there, tonight. And it's not like Taylor would want to be there. But the lack of Elizabeth's warmth hits her harder than she thought it would. But what did she expect after more than a year of silence? The warm arms of her mother in law that she was used to? Certainly not after she has left her son and simply took his daughter with her.
"Have a great evening you guys." Taylor just smiles, can't believe that she does such a good job lying to Richard and Elizabeth who just nod at her with a forced smile. Joe then slowly looks at her as well. She can see in his eyes that he hates this. She still feels that he doesn't want this. He doesn't like this.
"Mommy, where are you going?" An angelic voice suddenly interrupts the silence. Taylor slowly steps up to Eleanor, who sits in the children's seat already. She looks confused and worried, the little bun on her head messed up again. Her curly hair is so hard to be tamed.
If there is one thing that Taylor doesn't want, then it is Eleanor to feel the tensions between them. She wants Eleanor to enjoy this night. She's five. It's Christmas. This is her time to make the most magical memories. Taylor puts on the brightest smile possible, leans over her in the car seat. She quickly kisses Eleanor's lips, then presses her face into the little girl's chubby neck before kissing her soft skin a few times. Taylor feels Eleanor's little hand reach for her hair, feels her burry her little hand in her long blonde hair. Taylor's heart aches. She can't let her baby go.
"Honey, remember when I said that mommy will spend a few days with grandma Andrea and grandpa Scott at home? So that you can have two Christmases this year? Tonight you'll have the most amazing time with daddy and grandma and grandpa and Patrick.. and then tomorrow night you'll have another Christmas with us, okay?" She smiles, her voice clearly enthusiastic enough to make Eleanor buy this from her. But she can sense in that little frown on her face that she's smart enough to get what is going on. There won't be mommy tonight. Not at all.
"But I want you to eat grandma's pudding as well, mommy.." She whines slowly, makes this even harder for Taylor.
"Honey, eat some for me as well okay? Daddy and grandma are so looking forward to spending time with you.." She says, feels Joe standing behind her, a hand on her back, signaling her to just go to not make the goodbye even harder on Eleanor.
"But I want to show you what Santa Claus has brought me, mommy.." She says, her little chin slowly trembling. Taylor feels like she can't breath anymore. Saying goodbye to Eleanor has always been a nightmare for her. No matter if it was in Kindergarten for a few hours or now. She's never ready to say goodbye. Especially not if her baby has teary eyes.
"My little angel.." Taylor mumbles, swallows her tears down before kissing Eleanor's face a few times. She was positive after last night that it wouldn't be a problem at all for the little girl to spend the night just with daddy. But it seems that Eleanor didn't expect Taylor to leave now. She didn't expect her to go at all.
"You can show me tomorrow. Okay?" She whispers, still half leans in Joe's car, her hand caressing Eleanor's face. Taylor keeps on kissing the little face, feels hot tears falling down her daughter's cheek. This is not how this is supposed to be. This is not how it's supposed to be at all.
"If you want you can absolutely.."
"No, no it's fine." Taylor interrupts Joe, kisses Eleanor one last time and smiles. She shouldn't feel like this is a goodbye. Because it's not.
Taylor pulls back, then looks at Joe again. He swallows. The scene between her and Eleanor has obviously touched him. He gives her this look that she knows too well.
You're always welcome.
Taylor smiles, places her hand on his arm for a second and smiles.
I know.
She then slowly walks past Richard and Elizabeth, who then slowly make their way to their parked car that is right next to Joe's. They don't smile at her, they don't look angry. It's the same emotion that seems to be stuck on everyone's faces nowadays. Sadness. Just a big load of sadness.
"Have a great holiday, guys." She smiles, then quickly makes her way to the big black range rover that is waiting for her on the other side of the parking lot. She's walking so quickly through the snow that she feels like sliding. Her hand is buried in the big pockets of her coat and her head and sunken. She can't look at them once more. Not this time around.
"I know that look. You're not used to so much peace in this house, huh?" Taylor smiles at her cat, who just looks completely confused at her in return. Taylor laughs before crouching down to pat Olivia again. She smiles at the slight purring coming from the cat in front of her. Olivia knows what's up. Eleanor is gone. No toddler running around this house and pulling her tail. No little girl that has been getting all of Taylor's attention ever since the day that she and Joe brought her home from the hospital. Olivia purrs, Taylor just laughs.
"Just like the old days, mhm dibbles? You and me and some cookies in the oven." She mumbles to the cat, as suddenly another meow is heard. Taylor looks up, immediately sees a judging Meredith sitting on the first step of the staircase. She can't help but laugh out loud.
"Oh, how could I forget your loving sister, dibbles?"
Taylor slowly gets up and looks into the oven. Her cookies are slowly looking golden and her favorite playlist is on. Nora Jones and Damien Rice. The kind of music she used to listen to back then when there was no Joe, no Eleanor, no children's music, no family she was devoting her time to. Just her, a huge house and the cats.
I don't want to change you, I don't want to change you, I don't want to change your mind. I just came across a manger where there is no danger, where love has eyes and is not blind...
Taylor grabs her cup of tea, slowly enters the living room and sinks down in the big arm chair that she has bought in her favorite New York antique store. She looks at the fireplace, both her hands wrapped tightly around the big cup with her favorite Christmas tea blend. How many hours has she spent in this house already. Playing mind games. Sitting on this arm chair at night, after having put Eleanor to bed. The burning fire place. Warmth coming onto her skin and seeing him. In this house. Standing in front of the tiny vintage mirror between her bookshelves. Fixing his blonde hair, the same grumpy and stubborn facial expression she so often sees in Eleanor. His singing when he jokes around with Eleanor. His loud laugh whenever his own child played him with his own joke and the way he'd look at her from the mirror to where she sits. His grey sweater and his blue eyes looking at her. His cheeky smirk. The dimples beneath his chin. The boldness in his eyes. Still looking at her like back then...
She felt guilty for playing that. She felt weak for letting it happen. She felt weak and ridiculous for spending minutes and minutes in this arm chair, imagining him still being there when he obviously wasn't. She knows she missed him. She knows that the only explanation for what happened in this small classroom today is that she may be able to control a lot but not everything. She can't control her mind, herself, when it comes to him. She can't control herself from daydreaming about him and she couldn't control her need to get close to him. Taylor sighs, takes a sip from the hot liquid in her porcelain mug.
It was a mistake. She knows it was, even though she wishes it wasn't. She wishes that she could just believe him, trust him when he says that he will change. Believing that he really will. She trusted nobody as much as she trusted him back then. She let her walls down, let him show her that her love has never really been frozen. She believed in nothing as much as she believed in him.
In him as her husband one day. In him as her baby's daddy.
And now here she is. Alone on Christmas Eve. Cookies in the oven, the cats next to her. Almost like back then, long before he came into her life. This is certainly not how she wanted this. Not at all.
"Baby, don't wake her. Please. I would love to enjoy eating in peace tonight." Taylor sighs and yells after Joe. He doesn't answer and Taylor rolls her eyes, then looks at Elizabeth and salutes to her with a tired smile and a champagne glass full of orange juice while leaning against the kitchen counter. A candle burning, three pots boiling and one big roast in the oven. It still smells like the cinnamon cookies she has baked yesterday. That smell just won't leave her kitchen. But it's fine. It's Christmas.
"You need to be more consequent, darling. If he wakes her, he can take her during dinner." Elizabeth winks at Taylor and takes one more sip from her champagne glass. She empathetically places her hand on Taylor's arm, looks at her tired face. Being parents to a baby is exhausting. Elizabeth knows that. And as much as she knows that her son is an excellent father - he can be strenuous at times.
"Yeah, I know. But if she's hungry then it's on me." Taylor smiles quietly, then slowly gets up and turns her face towards the stove. She stirs the homemade gravy she has made today once, then checks on her potatoes.
"Why is Joe.."
"Cause he's crazy about this little girl." Taylor interrupts a confused Patrick who's standing on the other side of the kitchen isle and looks at her with a confused look. Taylor laughs, was about to say something else when she suddenly notices two very familiar faces in the doorway. A happy Joe and a very sleepy baby on his arm. The little girl still has puffy eyes, obviously wasn't ready to be woken up from her nap just now. Joe presses a few kisses onto the chubby cheeks, then holds his head against hers. Taylor can't help but laugh quietly, Joe's cheek against the baby's tiny cheek almost looks humorous.
"Oh honey, what has daddy done to you.." she says and the rest of his family, who is also gathered in the kitchen, laugh at the sleepy baby too.
"It's her first Christmas, love. We can't let her nap through her first Christmas." he defends himself, looks at the baby's tired face and kisses her head one more time. It's more than obvious to see how the little face suddenly changes and Eleanor starts crying. Taylor places her orange juice on the counter, gives Joe a look he's used to and then slowly takes the baby from his arm.
"I know.. I know you're hungry, honey, huh?" She mumbles into the cheek, then looks up at Joe again.
"Can you please watch the food? I'm gonna feed her upstairs." Taylor says, holding the small human being tight onto her. Eleanor's tiny hands are places right next to her little head that is on Taylor chest. She loves feeling the proximity to her Mama, especially when she's still sleepy from her nap.
"Good for you that I'm a five star cook, love." he says ironically, knowing just as well as her that he'd absolutely ruin everything she's cooked so far, just by touching it.
Taylor has commented his statement with an eye roll and disappears upstairs with Eleanor. While walking up the stairs, Eleanor starts crying once more and Taylor just places her hand gently on her little head. Just a few tiny blonde hair covering the head. Small curls that are just the same as hers when she was a baby. While walking into the nursery room, Taylor moves her head and presses her lips onto the tiny head. She loves Eleanor's smell. There will never be anything that smells as good as the smell of a baby.
"Are you hungry, baby?" she asks her daughter and gets no response but some smacking noise from the newborn as she sits down on the big light grey armchair at the end of Eleanor's room. Taylor slowly frees her left arm from the red velvet dress, pulls down the soft silky bra, leans back and positions Eleanor right under her breast. It takes less than two seconds and the baby girl knows what to do. Taylor slowly rocks her back and forth, smiles down at her baby girl who is drinking with a pretty big hunger. Her fingertips draw circles on the little head.
She's so beautiful. She's so so beautiful.
Taylor laughs about Eleanor's tiny fingers that she holds awkwardly into the air while drinking. She slowly grabs them and holds the tiny hand while silently watching her eat.
"She's even more hungry than me right now and that almost seems impossible."
Taylor looks up from her baby and to the man standing right in front it her, leaned against the door frame, smiling at her with the same smile that made her knees weak years ago.
"Yeah this is her big Christmas dinner, huh." Taylor mumbles and looks at her daughter, who's still busy drinking from Taylor's boob. Joe slowly takes a few steps up to her, then crouches down in front of his two favorite girls. He slowly places his left hand on Eleanor's tiny feet, that are covered in pink socks. His right hand wanders to Taylor's cheek. She looks up to him once more, silently smiles as he strokes a strand of hair behind her ear.
"You look beautiful."
"I'm tired." she mumbles, slowly leans her head back and closes her eyes. A baby still on her boob, Joe looking at her. She's a masterpiece. A beautiful masterpiece that is clearly suffering under the most natural and primal responsibility of life. Sleep has become a foreign concept for both of them. Telling her how beautiful she is, full face, full breasts, curves and nothing but curves on her body, can't help her feel less exhausted. He knows that.
"I know, baby. I'll take her tonight. You can sleep in the guest room if you want. S' more quiet." he mumbles, his hand placed worriedly on her arm. Her body is going through a lot. He knows that.
"That sounds so nice but you forgot that I'm the feeding machine." She sighs, slowly uprights herself and looks at Eleanor, who's still not done eating.
"You can pump later on and we'll try the bottle again. I'll handle it." he assures her. Taylor looks at him for a split second, still holding her child in her arms. He could gasp once more, her eyes meeting his. Goosebumps. That's all he can think, as she suddenly smiles slowly then signals him to come closer. He slowly gets up, leans over her and presses his lips against his breastfeeding girlfriend.
"You're the sweetest baby daddy." she whispers and he smiles, presses another kiss into her lips.
"I know. Need to do a good job with the first one or else baby mumma won't carry my other babies anymore." he mumbles against her lips, ends his sentence with a last kiss before standing upright again. She looks at him with the same look he knows too well.
"Slow down, Daddy. This girl can remain the spoiled only child for a few more years, huh? Is that right?" she asks and looks at Eleanor.
"Just three more and we can stop."
Taylor starts laughing and throws her head back.
"Alright big boy, I think it's time for you to go down and have a look at my turkey." she laughs, can't believe that Joe is already thinking about more kids. It honors her, it makes her happy. Yes. But this is not the time for her to plan the next pregnancy when she can hardly deal with one newborn.
"Alright, I'll look at your turkey.." he mumbles with a cheeky smile while slowly stumbling backwards out of the nursery. She grins at the silly man in front of her.
"Love looking at turkeys, you know. Turkeys are my favourites. Especially in the oven. Love putting turkeys in the oven you know.." he grins and Taylor rolls her eyes laughing.
"Less talking, more walking, Mr. Alwyn." she yells after him and receives a cheeky "Yes boss" from downstairs. Taylor looks down at her baby again, her lips still latched onto her boobs, her big eyes looking at Taylor.
"Your daddy is a silly guy, mhm. A silly silly daddy." she mumbles, then laughs at Eleanor's confused face.
Taylor startles, suddenly looks around. She feels disoriented, confused. She must have fallen asleep, yawns once and then recognizes that she dozed off a few minutes ago, curled up in her armchair on the other side of the kitchen. She sighs, sits up slowly and notices Meredith and Olivia both sitting in front of her. Taylor's hand slowly wanders to her left cheek. Her skin is warm and the imprint of the cushions is probably embellished on her skin now. She sits up straight, looks at the two cats sitting in front of her. She can't help but smirk slowly. These two cats are as weird as they always were, sitting there upright like humans and looking at her. Suddenly Taylor eyes get wide. Now she gets why her cats are staring at her. Taylor storms off into the kitchen, finds a big grey cloud of smoke already coming from her oven. How could she fall asleep with a tray of cookies in there?! She immediately turns off the stove, tries to grab the baking tray out of the oven without choking from the burnt smell. As soon as she has managed to place the now burnt cookies on the counter, she storms to the little window at the end of the kitchen and opens it.
"Shit! Why didn't you guys tell me earlier?" Taylor sighs and yells at her cats who still wander around the living room, clearly confused about what just happened. Taylor looks at the tray of black cookies. She suddenly startles once more. Her doorbell rings, keeps her from throwing the black cookies into the trash. Taylor turns around, slowly walks into the hallway with a more than confused look on her face. She's not sure who's visiting her on Christmas Eve at 9pm. Still in her PJ attire, both feet in her ugly but cozy wool socks from her mom and with her curly hair in a bun, she slowly walks up to the door. Her security didn't call her to tell her about a visitor. Taylor slowly gets a little worried, then decides that it's more than silly to be afraid of a stranger killing her on her doorstep on Christmas Eve. After a few seconds she slowly opens up the door and finds something she didn't expect to find at all tonight.
Joe in a big coat and with a bag on his shoulder, and her daughter on his arm, smiling at her with the brightest smile. One hand holding a wrapped gift and a little basket in her other hand.
"Surpriiiiise." Eleanor giggles and Joe just smiles at Taylor as well, internally laughing about Taylor's terrified look. She doesn't know what to say, just looks from Eleanor to Joe again.
"Hi, honey.. is.. is everything alright? Did something happen?" She then asks already in a panicky mode. Joe smiles. This is the protective mother coming out in her. Always worried about Eleanor or things that might somehow happen to her.
"Everything is perfect, we had a great dinner and then decided to visit mummy cause it's Christmas Eve, right?" He says and looks at Eleanor who just nods smiling. Taylor can't help but smile at them, then steps aside to let the two inside. After all it's already dark outside and still snowy and cold. Joe slowly walks inside the warm and cozy house, still with his girl on his arm. He lets Eleanor down with a sigh, then takes off his jacket. Taylor immediately crouches down to Eleanor's level to open her big red winter jacket. There's still snow in her blonde curls. The green bow Taylor put into her hair this morning is, of course, taken off by now. She smiles at her. Eleanor never liked accessories that are too girly. She's a wild soul. Taylor knows that.
"Are you cold, honey? Thanks for surprising me! I'm so happy to see you.." Taylor smiles as she places the small coat next to where she's crouching in the hallway. Eleanor smiles at her, then hands her what she was holding onto all along.
"This is for you, mommy." She says in a shy voice and smiles angelically at her mother. Taylor feels her heart melting, looks at the wrapped present and the little basket that Eleanor just handed to her. The little basket is filled with a jar of Eleanor's favorite caramel pudding that Elizabeth makes every Christmas. Around the jar, she placed some flowers and branches to decorate the glass. She definitely has had some help with this basket.
"Oh my god, is this a Christmas present? Thank you so much, baby.." She says, clearly more than emotional about this little gesture. She immediately hugs her daughter with both hands full and then slowly gets up. She notices Joe standing in the doorframe just smiling at her. Taylor slowly walks up to him.
"This was your night with her. You didn't have to.."
"It's Christmas. We won't spend Christmas Eve without mumma, won't we?" Joe answers her, then smiles at Eleanor who is already busy caressing Olivia's tale. Taylor just smiles at him. This gesture means a lot to her.
"Okay, so I guess I'll have to still open this beautiful present!" Taylor smiles and walks into the kitchen. She sits down in the armchair where she fell asleep a few minutes ago and starts to open the little gift her daughter has made for her. Eleanor immediately runs up to her, clearly excited for her mum's reaction.
"Let's see what mummy says.." She hears Joe whisper into Eleanor's ear while crouching down next to her in front of where Taylor's sitting. She silently smiles at Joe, then opens up the present. Eleanor is clearly on edge, shyly stands in front of her mum while cheekily pressing her lips together in excitement. Taylor finishes taking off the wrapping paper, then covers her mouth with her hand. Eleanor has made her a huge heart out of a cardboard, filled this heart with glitter and stars and little cat ears and a scribbled "I love you mummy" in the center. Taylor looks back at her daughter and smiles.
"Honey, that is so beautiful, oh my god." She says, immediately places the gift on the table next to her before opening up her arms to let Eleanor crawl onto her lap. She holds her daughter as tight as possible, a hand placed on her head, another hand holding her small frame tightly.
"Thank you so much, baby. I love it so much. I love you so much." she adds, then slowly lets go off Eleanor and kisses the little girl on the mouth one time before smiling at her.
"Merry Christmas, mommy." She says and Taylor and Joe both laugh slightly at the sweet words coming from their baby.
"Merry Christmas, my little angel." She responds and steals Eleanor one more kiss while smiling. Taylor then looks at Joe who still crouches in front of the chair and smiles at the two.
Taylor doesn't say anything and just smiles at him silently.
"How was dinner with grandma and grandpa?" She asks Eleanor and runs her fingers through her curls a few times.
"Good. Santa Claus got me the Barbie plane, mommy. The one that I wanted." She smiles excitedly, already moves on her mother's lap, eager to show her mom her present. She quickly rushes into the hallway. Taylor just laughs and looks after her.
"That's awesome, E." She smiles, then looks at Joe who slowly gets up as well.
"What smells so weird in here?" He asks as Taylor already got up before him. She moves towards the counter.
"Oh my.."
"Yeah." She interrupts him, slowly grabs the now cold cookie tray and opens the trash to throw them away.
"I fell asleep and burned these." She says and sighs, then slowly looks at him again while leaning on the counter next to him.
"It was really not necessary to drop Eleanor off tonight, Joe. It's so sweet but this is your time with her. I'm sure your parents were.."
"We had a great night and now it's time for her to be home with her mum." He says, won't even let Taylor finish her sentence as Eleanor runs up to them, a big plastic airplane in her hand and an even bigger smile on her lips.
"Mommy, look!" She says and Taylor smiles at her.
"Wow, that looks incredible. Eleanor, you must've been really good this year mhm?" She smiles, admires her daughter's gift. Eleanor starts tapping her foot, seems a little impatient all of the sudden. Joe smirks.
"Do you want to go play, love?" He asks and within five seconds, the little girl just storms off into her room upstairs where her entire Barbie collection is already waiting for her. Taylor slowly gets up and laughs at Joe.
"Her excitement to see me has its limits." She mumbles ironically.
"Hey, she told us all night long that we need to keep some pudding for mummy. And that's coming from the queen of caramel pudding so it's the biggest declaration of love you'll possibly get from a five year old." he smirks and looks at her. Taylor slowly turns around, still smiling while reaching for her self-made present from Eleanor. Joe looks at her, can't help but stare at her smile like a weirdo. Why does she have to be so beautiful. Why.
"Do you want some tea?" She then asks, slowly pins the big heart against her fridge. Joe sighs, slowly uprights himself and runs his fingers through his hair. A habit he has always had.
"No thanks, I just wanted to drop off Eleanor and then.."
"Why don't you stay for a bit?" She then asks him and Joe stops for a second. He looks at her, not sure if he has heard right what she said. She avoided him for over a year and now she wants to casually spend an evening with him? He stutters, not sure what to say.
"I should get back to my parents and everyone, but.."
"No, no. It's fine. Oh god, I'm sorry I was stupid for wanting to keep you from.."
"No, I mean. I can stay. If you want I can stay. I would love to stay but I just thought that you.."
"That I don't want to see you?" She asks quietly, her arms crossed, still leaning against the marble counter with her PJ. Joe stands in front of her with his grey sweater. Still not sure how to react or what to say. She leaves him in uncertainty as so often. Uncertain if she still needs him. Uncertain if today maybe meant something to her after all.
"You made that clear yesterday." He says quietly. Taylor looks into his eyes, then slowly away. She sighs, remains silent. She can hear Eleanor singing upstairs, hears the low flicker coming from the fireplace in the living room. None of the two moves, both awkwardly standing in the kitchen.
"We had sex today." She then says quietly, looks back at him. Arms still crossed, not moving at all.
"We did." He replies and Taylor remains silent, not sure what to say next. "But we can pretend we didn't. If that makes you feel better." Joe adds quietly, stands in the middle of her kitchen, both hands in his back pockets and his eyebrows raised as always when he's just about to smirk, his head on the side, looking at her with his blue eyes. That look, Eleanor definitely has from him.
"It won't." she answers then, slowly looks down again. She doesn't know what to say, doesn't even know what she's doing. Last night has confused her. It has confused her so much that she had sex with the father of her child at a pre-school event. After a year of silence. Leaned against a table where toddlers play. It has confused her so much that she can't look at him anymore. That she can't tell him to leave. Can't tell him to stay and hold her tight.
"It won't make me feel better. Nothing will." she says and Joe suddenly furrows his brows. Her voice sounds different all of the sudden. He can't see it clearly under her bangs but he can clearly hear her voice change. She sounds like she's about to cry. And he can't believe it.
"Tay, what.."
"It's Christmas and you ask me if it makes me feel better to pretend like we didn't have sex today but the truth is the only thing that would ever make me feel better is pretending like the last three years of our lives didn't happen. Why can't we just pretend that you're shooting your Nicholas Cage movie in Exeter, and that you come home every night. And that Eleanor is three again and obsessed with dogs and finally potty trained and used to her dad always coming home before bedtime. And we can pretend to visit you on set sometimes. And have a glass of wine every night. Why can't we just pretend that it's 2021 again. Why can't we pretend that these years never have happened. Today I sat on this fucking armchair for an hour just dreaming about our past. I'm not someone who needs four hundred years to get over someone. I'm not someone who wastes their time reminiscing about.."
"It's alright.." he slowly whispers and interrupts her while holding her tight already. Taylor is fully crying now, weeping into his shoulder and holding onto him. She has talked herself into a rage from minute to minute. Her sweaty hands hold onto his back tight, her face is pressed into his shoulder. She has no idea what has gotten into her tonight. The only thing she knows is that she will regret this breakdown as soon as she wakes up tomorrow. But right now, all she can think about is the past. All she can think about is the fact that he's not hers anymore. That he's not her saving prince anymore. That she has lost her angel sent boyfriend who once turned her world upside down and made her believe that love could be more than just a hurtful concept of two people making mistakes. He was the one thing she did right, the only one she ever truly let inside. Tonight, the pain stings too hard for her stay strong. To remember all the things he did wrong when all she can see is the things he did right.
Taylor still sobs into his shoulder, feels his strong arms around her back holding her tight. She can't let go. She can't push him away.
Not tonight. Not today.
"It's alright, you're okay." he whispers into her ear, no sign of letting go off her. Taylor still sobs, her vision blurry from tears. Then after a few minutes, Joe slowly pulls back and looks at her. He seems worried. Sad. Almost as sad as this morning when Eleanor told him that kids in her school don't believe that he's her daddy.
"Oh god, what's wrong with me today." she then babbles, completely embarrassed of the scene she caused. "I literally have no clue why.."
"You know what?" she hears him say, then looks up at him while wiping away her tears. He still stands right in front of her. His arms on her arms, their bellies almost touching. She's glad that Eleanor seems to be busy in her room. She doesn't have to witness this scene. Her mum crying in her dad's arms. Too much for a five year old girl to take on Christmas Eve.
"I can't turn back time and I don't want to. Because.. I love my five year old daughter and her full sentences and not having to change nappies all the time is a great side effect too." he says and Taylor laughs quietly.
"But.. I can remind you that you're still you. And I'm still me. And that will never change." he says, almost a whisper while looking at her. She looks up at him, her eyes still puffy and red from crying. She can't move, can't look away. How beautiful these words are. How much she would give to be able to believe them. Joe slowly places his hands around her face, then leans in to kiss her forehead over he curly bangs. She feels so good, she smells so good. He can't change the fact that he still loves this woman with everything he has. Even after what she did to him. Even after she left him out of nothing and broke his heart into thousands of pieces.
"What are we just doing?" she whispers and he won't let go of her. He knows what she means. He knows it too well.
"We're here. Right now, I'm here. And I'll be here tomorrow." he says and Taylor closes her eyes. It's wrong, oh so wrong.
But right now in this moment she welcomes her stupidity with a deep breath. He's here. He stands here and holds her close. He's the father of her child. It can't be wrong. It can't. Not tonight.
"Okay we've got.. salted popcorn and sweet popcorn. Who can guess which one is which?"
"Me, daddy!" Eleanor yells excited, almost jumps into one of the bowls that Joe is holding in front of her while already being in her Christmas PJs. Taylor, who sits on the sofa with the remote control in her hand and a soft blanket over her legs just laughs at Eleanor. It's 10pm and they're just about to start a movie. Taylor is not sure how Eleanor is still awake and well but she is and it's Christmas. And her dad is here. Enough reasons to allow the little girl to stay awake with them and start a movie. Joe slowly crouches down so that both popcorn bowls are on Eleanor's level.
"Guess which one is the salty one and which one is sweet, love. No touching. No smelling. No tasting." he says with a smirk on his face and Taylor starts laughing from the couch.
"Wow that's a little strict for a five year old don't you think" she laughs and throws her head back. Joe is just smirking and shushes her whilst Eleanor looks at the popcorn with a very focused look on her face. He lets her take her time and smiles. She looks like Taylor when she's concentrated. It blows his mind.
"Mhm.... this one."
"Sweet or salty?"
"Sweet."
"Try it!" Joe says and Eleanor carefully grabs one popcorn and starts laughing.
"I won!" she yells and jumps back onto her couch to her mummy. Taylor as well as Joe laugh at her and Eleanor slowly crawls under the blanket next to her momma. Taylor carefully places her hand around her tiny shoulders and kisses her head before fixing the blanket over her legs.
"You're so smart, honey. Mommy never would've guessed right!" she says and Eleanor excitedly claps her hands together.
"Daddy can you give me the sweet popcorn?" she asks hyper, definitely had too much sugar tonight. Taylor can sense that. Joe sits down next to Eleanor, carefully hands Taylor the sweet popcorn with a smirk. Bubbly Eleanor is endless entertainment for the both of them.
"Let me hold it, it's heavy." Taylor says and places the bowl on her lap. Eleanor starts eating and looks at her dad, who's just getting ready under the blanket as well.
"Mhmm it's so yum daddy." Eleanor says and looks at Joe. Taylor and him both start laughing and Joe can't help but place his hand on her tiny head.
"I'm glad you like it, my love. Give daddy a kiss." he says and Eleanor presses a wet and popcorn tasting kiss onto his lips. This little girl means the world to him. And she'll probably never even have an idea of just how much he loves her.
"What are we watching?" Joe says and looks at Taylor. She's got her hair in a sloppy bun that is hanging loosely in her neck. She's wearing no make up, like before. He could swear that his heart sunk once more when he looked at her again a second ago. She's pure sunshine. She's as shiny as a star. Inside and out and everything in between.
"We're watching Love Actually. What else?" Taylor smiles and Eleanor grabs into the bowl of popcorn again.
"Mummy what means love actually?" she asks, busy to separate one corn kennel from the other, while letting half of it accidentally drop onto the blanket.
"It means.. it's actually really love."
"What means actually really love?" she asks once more and cuddles against her mom under the blanket while chewing. Taylor looks at Joe and playfully rolls her eyes. Eleanor is in the 'why' phase since a few months now and it can get exhausting at times. She loves that she's so interested and she loves to explain the world to her child. But today, tonight, she's too tired for Eleanor's questionnaires.
"Daddy, what does it mean?" Taylor mumbles, sinks her head and kisses Eleanor's curls. Joe grins at Taylor and eats some of the popcorn that was in front of him.
"It means that you truly love and care for someone. Just like I care for you." Eleanor smiles and then looks at the tv. His answer seems to satisfy her.
"Aren't you tired, baby?" Taylor asks as the movie starts. Eleanor has her little head pressed against Taylor's breasts. Taylor sees how she struggles to keep her eyes open. Every time they close, she opens them eagerly once more.
"No." Eleanor answers. The quirky girl is suddenly all cuddly and quiet. Joe and Taylor exchange looks and smile silently. Joe slowly grabs Eleanor's hand, makes her look at him.
"Do you want daddy to tell you a bedtime story?" Joe carefully asks but Eleanor eagerly shakes her head.
"No I want to watch the Christmas movie." she says, still leaning against Taylor. Joe smirks and Taylor does the same. It takes less than two minutes and Eleanor's eyes are barely open. Taylor looks at Joe and he nods.
"Eleanor?" he asks, the little girl immediately looks up at her dad. Taylor knows exactly why she doesn't want to fall asleep and it breaks her heart. Her daughter is afraid that she'll wake up and that daddy is gone again. A night like this, with mum and dad, is very rare for her. Taylor knows that.
"Daddy needs some cuddles. Can you come over and cuddle daddy a bit?" Joe asks and Taylor smiles thankfully. Joe holding Eleanor in an easy position means that it's going to be even more easy to carry her into her bed without waking her once she's fully asleep. An old habit they both still have from back then when they were a team. A family.
Eleanor immediately crawls onto her daddy's lap and hugs him tight. Her little head rests against his chest. Her arms around his neck. Taylor looks at them and feels her heart burst. Joe hugs the little girl back and whispers sweet nothings into the her ear while rocking her back and forth. It takes less than five minutes and the little girl is fully asleep. Joe remains like this for a few more minutes before exchanging a look with Taylor. She smiles at him, doesn't say a word.
"I'll bring her upstairs." Joe mouths and she nods.
"Thanks." she whispers and watches him get up with a sleeping Eleanor on his arms. Taylor watches them disappear, then looks into the TV again. She has no idea how they both do it tonight, how it's so easy to be together when there's so much unsolved business between them. But sitting here in the living room and laughing together with their daughter felt better than anything else she has done in the last months. No song writing, no fan interaction, nothing felt better than this. Normalcy. Just like it was back then.
It takes less than five minutes and Joe enters the room again, closes the door quietly. He looks at her, then slowly falls onto the couch next to her.
"She passed out within two minutes, I'm impressed." he laughs quietly and Taylor returns his look.
"She ran around like a monkey all day. It was time for her to pass out, trust me." she smiles, then looks back at the movie. Joe casually places his arm around her, his hand landing in her neck. He always loved playing with the little short and curly hair that grew in her neck, right where her hairline begins. Taylor doesn't move, doesn't tell him to stop. He slowly leans in, kisses her temple one time. She still doesn't move.
"So are you gonna stay here tonight or.."
Joe doesn't answer, watches her slowly looking in his direction while waiting for an answer. He hesitates, his hand still in her neck, far away from moving. He smirks, can tell that she's on the verge of a laugh as well.
"If you want daddy to stay then daddy will stay, you know."
Taylor grins, sinks her head. She doesn't tell him to stop caressing her neck, doesn't tell him to go home. All she does is smile at him.
"I think Eleanor would love that. Knowing that you're still here when she wakes up." Taylor says and he nods.
"I would love that as well." Joe answers, strokes a strand of hair from her face. He looks at her as if she's the eighth world wonder.
"So.. should we go to bed?"
"Yeah." he answers, not sure how she meant what she just said. Taylor and Joe both get up. She turns off the TV within seconds, then walks around the room to make sure no candle is left burning. Joe looks at her, waits for her to tell him where he's going to sleep. The second she looks at him again is the second she takes his hand and casually kisses him. Joe is confused, just stands there, holds her tight. She deepens the kiss, then slowly let's go off him. Both hands in his neck, her beautiful eyes meeting his.
"Taylor, what.."
"You said we're still you and me." she whispers. He nods.
"Let's just be you and me tonight."
Joe looks into her eyes and smiles. He doesn't say anything, just places his hands softly on her face. His forehead leans against hers, their bodies already touching. He then kisses her softly, grabs her hand again and walks into the hallway. They both remain standing in the doorframe as Joe turns off the light and quietly walks up the stairs with her.
It's early. So early that the bedroom still has that hazy new day light look to it. There's a stillness in the air from being undisturbed all night, and everything is quiet. Quiet except for the soft kisses that are being pressed against Taylor's cheek, her neck, and along her shoulder through the shirt she's sleeping in. Last night was beautiful. Beautiful because she completely turned her head off. They both did. Both brought each other to paradise and back, lost track of once, then and now.
Joe's kisses are soft, and innocent, even when they suck or there's a nick of teeth. Occasionally he stops and buries his nose into whatever part of her he's focused on now and he just breathes in the scent of her mixing with his after spending all night in her bed. It's an endearing sign of the way he's absorbing every bit of her, but she thinks she'd laugh if she was nearer to a proper state of consciousness. He's so gentle. Showers her with kisses like a baby.
Joe moves his body closer and the kisses move to the other side of her neck and face. He sighs contentedly and Taylor smiles softly behind closed eyes when he squeezes her with sleep-weakened arms.
"Will you open your eyes for me, Tay?" The question is scratchy and full of sleep. Taylor sighs once more.
"Mmm," she mumbles. "Maybe."
Joe rubs the faintest beginnings of stubble onto her cheek and she giggles and pushes gently against his face but he moves closer. A soft but obvious pressure on her thigh makes her moan softly.
"Joe..."
He groans lazily on her neck, "It's okay, babe, it'll go down," he promises her with his tired morning voice. "I don't want... just wanna love...." The words turn into mumbles and he continues his gentle kisses. Taylor hums her consent and slides her hand around his back and scratches it softly through his shirt. He loves that. And it feels nice – him loving on her. So she may as well let him continue. It's not like she even has to open her eyes.
"What brought this on?" Taylor asks softly as he breathes out comfortably against her neck before biting gently. She can't help smiling. This whole concept of turning her brain completely off has been a success so far.
"You just.." He distracts himself by tucking the shirt of his that she's wearing up her stomach and dropping down to press kisses against it. His hair tickles Taylor's skin when it curtains his face. "You look so good when you're not thinking."
She makes an annoyed little grunt, because what the hell is that supposed to mean?
"Like not thinking too hard, or worried, or anything.." Joe explains against her stomach while he kisses up to her ribcage.
"And it makes me feel things...." He drags his warm hand over Taylor's side and pushes it up under her shirt and cups her breast in his hand. He loves how her boobs feel in his hands, he always has – soft, and full. With two nipples that easily get hard even before he works carefully on them.
"I know," she whispers and scratches his scalp gently in a way that makes him moan. "I know...." It makes him feel feelings that she feel, too. Strong, deep, solid, but mixed with definitions that they weren't ready to reel in.
His breath is hot on her sternum and he nudges her shirt up to expose her boob to him. He pinches the nipple softly between his thumb and forefinger before leaning down and closing his parting lips around it. His tongue is warm and soft as he strokes it in a pattern reminiscent to the one that gets her off when his face used to be in between her thighs, and his teeth only just graze the soft pillow of her breast. Taylor peers through a crack between her eyelashes at him and just catch his ocean blue eyes sliding shut and that little crinkle of concentration appears while he suckles like he's hungry.
Hungry for her. A hunger that only she can satisfy. She knows that.
Taylor's eyes squeeze shut in reaction to his tongue and her breath hitches in her throat.
He groans when she pushes her chest up into his mouth and her fingers tighten in his hair. Joe swirls, and sucks, and nips, and kisses, and releases with a pop before he does it all over again. "Beautiful," she hears him whispering to himself. "Soft, and so...." His breath falls with delicious heat across your newly wet breast as he trails off. Taylor's ears are ringing and she's squirming, almost struggling underneath him. She whispers his name roughly when he moves to her other boob. She makes a sound between a whine and a moan and he pushes into her thigh suddenly.
"I'm... hard." His voice is gravelly and although it's not a question, he's begging her for permission. She smiles at him, slowly wanders with her hands from his hair to his cheeks. His beautiful eyes look into hers and she feels goosebumps all over her body. His eyes are full of lust, full of longing. And Taylor certainly doesn't need him to tell her that because she can feel him practically jumping against her leg. Apparently, their "one night thing" wasn't going to go down as he said it would. The night was over and the room is filled with light. Yet he can't help but give in to his urges. "We don't have time," she mumbles as he kisses the spot between her boobs.
"I can be quick," he mumbles back with another gentle roll of his hips. He shudders and a growl echoes in his throat. "I can be real quick," he promises.
"Don't brag," she replies to him with a shaking head and another scratch at his scalp, simulating pulling him closer. She's smirking at him. He smiles back at the beautiful woman in front of him. Last night was much needed. But last night didn't satisfy his longing for her. It made it even worse.
"Please," he is asking again and his face drops in her neck. He's thrusting softly but steadily into her leg and his breath hitches in his throat. "It almost hurts, baby. Didn't have you in a long time.." are the only words he manages to get out. He reaches across to pull her closer and grinds harder for a moment. "Doesn't it almost hurt for you?" he asks softly.
Taylor's thighs press together because yes, it does hurt. Her belly is screaming to have the tension winding deep within it released. To have him spread her and start her morning with open thighs and a rough, quiet fuck that'll leave her pleasantly tingly for the rest of the day. To feel him cum so deep and so far that his seed would have no problem taking root in her once again. She needs him. A lot. If she stops him now, the two of them will just be disgruntled from leaving their orgasms unattended to. She knows that. She knows that too well.
Maybe it's the fact that she's not answering that makes him stop the rolling of his pelvis. He'd never, never in a million years actually push unless he was sure he wasn't pushing at all, so if he must he can take care of himself in the bathroom quickly (because he's beyond the point of return in hoping it'll go down peacefully). He kisses Taylor's neck gently and tenses his body to lift up and away, but then she whimpers and tightens her fingers in his hair with a shake of her head. He looks back at her. Smiles. Her bangs are messed up from last night. Her eyes still puffy. He has never seen any creature more beautiful than the mother of his child early in the morning.
"No, don't stop." her words are hardly audible. "Don't stop, just don't.."
"Are you sure?" he asks gruffly, checking to be sure he hasn't manipulated her and that she wants this, too, again.
Taylor answers him by taking his hand and guiding it into her slip that she put on again last night. Joe's lips part for a moment when he feels how easily his fingers slide between her lips. He is stunned into silence when two of his fingers dip inside of her and Taylor stiffens just for a moment from the sudden invasion before melting back into the mattress. He doesn't waste any time after that, and pulls her panties down with the help of Taylor's shifting hips. She needs him. She needs him a lot.
Taylor feels him adjust next to her in bed and then he's hoisting himself over her and pushing her thighs apart to settle in between them. Taylor's hands slide to the back of his neck and his short hair tickles her forearms and for the first time that morning her eyes pop open fully.
His eyes still filled with traces of sleep, though they are open wide with undiluted lust, and his lips are pinker than usual from their eager work on Taylor's neck, stomach, and breasts, and they bear shiny remnants of saliva. His hair is wilder than usually from the raking and tugging and scratching of Taylor's fingers this morning.
Joe touches his knuckles gently to her jaw. "There you are," he says as she look up at him with blurry, new-morning eyes. He grins at her, but it's fleeting when he lowers down against Taylor and her wetness encounters that which is dribbling from his head. He inhales sharply and mutters a sharp, "fuck" before reaching down and guiding himself to her entrance and sliding in swiftly.
Taylor gasps from the sudden stretching sensation and winds her arms around his back. Joe lets her adjust for a moment before withdrawing and then rolling back into her with a high grunt. His eyes roll up and he presses a kiss to her forehead. She feels so good. She smells so good. He's starting slow, letting her stomach curl and his spine sizzle from the sudden jump into these sensations. Why does this slow pace feel so so good. Taylor moans for the second time today. The slow pace doesn't last long though, because it's not what the two of them are after, and it definitely isn't what they have time for on Christmas Day. Joe shushes her gently when she moans unbidden with each deep, reckless stroke into her. It was a little too loud. A little too obvious. After all, they have a child sleeping in the room next to them. A child that doesn't need to become part of this cuddle.
Joe pulls back just to his ridge nearly every time, and each resulting reentry feels longer and deeper as a consequence and it's waking both of them up with more intensity than she had bargained for.
He's ducked his head a bit to watch himself disappear in and out of her and it's putting him into a trance. He then looks into her eyes, loses himself in the observation of her lustfilled face, the little O she formed with her lips. It leaves him with a tight stomach and an even tighter lower region, just looking into her face. He's so caught up in it that he almost misses the way she's starting to clutch at him and keening in the base of her throat. "Oh my God," he groans low in his throat.
"Joe!" she moans slowly.
Taylor's orgasm is starting to curl in her belly, nudging itself deeper into her and demanding to be unfurled with very bump and slide of his penis inside of her. Her thighs hitch up higher around him and he groans softly in encouragement and swipes his hand along the outside of one of them before digging in.
"Faster," she whispers and shudders softly. "Faster, please!" She's close, so desperately close and just needs him to be... relentless, the way she knows he can be.
Joe rocks quicker and Taylor's mouth falls open with a whine. His mouth is on her throat and his teeth are nicking your skin with each harsh pant of his open mouth against it. She's always liked it a little faster, a little rougher and deeper. But just with him. Nobody else could see that side in her, except for him. He doesn't even apologize much anymore when he hits a little too hard because most of the time, she'll just sink her nails into his back and her teeth into his shoulder in reward. He knows it gets her off faster if he doesn't treat her like she's made of glass. And from the current look on her face, the little frown and full lips that are slightly parted, she needs to be very, very quick right—
Joe's eyes screw shut. He can't possibly have just heard a knock on the door.
"Daddy?" a tiny voice calls through it.
He immediately stops on top of her but is still buried inside of her. Joe's whole face tenses and he swallows hard. And Taylor seriously thinks she could cry because he's stopped at the thickest part of himself and she feel so full and so hungry for the pressure of him moving in and out of her. And yet her daughter is standing right outside with only a thin door to separate the two of them. Taylor could cry, she could cry because he stopped. Because he's still on top of her, still inside of her, yet he's not allowed to move or make a sound.
"Yeah, angel?" Joe calls out hoarsely, swallowing thickly.
"Are you gonna make me pancakes? Where's mummy?"
Joe bites his bottom lip hard and she feels him twitch inside of her with the desire to keep driving home to the finishing point. Taylor herself is deathly still underneath him, breathing shallowly and quickly. She has no idea what he's going to tell Eleanor now. All she knows is that he better gets creative now, or this five year old girl will walk into the room and never unsee this disturbing sight of her parents.
"Mummy is.. still asleep. Let daddy sleep for a couple more minutes as well and then we'll make pancakes." he promises. Joe shifts a bit above her, inadvertently sliding a bit farther into her and the sound he makes is downright agonized. "Just.." Joe trails off before harshly whispering an exasperated "fuck me!" under his breath and sliding slowly forward. "Shh, shh, shh," she whispers urgently to him when his eyes widen and Taylor's nails dig into his back once more.
"Let your mum and I jus'... fin—" he clenches his teeth, "get ready for the day," he calls louder in a strained voice. "Put the telly on, okay angel?"
Taylor's back arches up when he pushes in again and her mouth falls open in a silent cry. Taylor immediately covers her mouth, more than afraid that Eleanor just heard her. Joe can't help but smirk widely and lean down to kiss this beautiful woman who's clearly struggling and sweating underneath him. He kisses her inaudibly, then slowly pulls back.
"Put it on real loud, okay?" he asks with a smile while looking at her and moving again once more. "Watch whatever the—fu–!" Taylor has tightened around him again and he can barely keep his eyes open in pleasure. "Whatever you want!" he finishes significantly weaker than when he started. He bucks forward into her and Taylor gasps once more. "We won't be long.." he thrusts again and Taylor's head thrashes a bit as she undulates her hips up into his and tighten her legs around his hips.
Joe and Taylor both hear Eleanor chirp happily. They both can't help but laugh quietly. Then, after a while, Joe slowly grinds into her until he's sure she's disappeared.
"You're going to pay for that, love," he promises under his breath. "That wasn't very—" He groans when he pushes deeper. "Not very nice." Taylor whimpers when he bites down on the corner of her jaw. "You want me to..fill you up that badly?" he rumbles as he finds his rhythm again. She loves it when he talks to her like that in bed. The most respectful, most well put together guy on earth talking dirty is her turn on. He knows that. Each following punch of Joe's hips forward is like a battering ram and she feels it deep, deeper than deep. "Want me to f-fill you now?" He inhales sharply. "Want me so badly?"
He's not playing fair and it's been so long since she has heard him speaking this brashly with her. It's going to destroy her. There was a reason she had the best sex of her life with him and these past ten minutes are her reminder of why.
"Yes!" She moans weakly, feels like losing herself underneath him
Joe's pressing deeper, faster, and the slick base of his length is gliding up and down along the nerves of her clit.
Taylor almost shouts and suddenly his hand is heavy over her mouth to muffle the strained cries coming from her throat. Her breath is fast and strong against his fingers and he feels her mouth open wider in a cry beneath his palm and he presses down firmer when she starts to shake. "Someone's waking up, huh?" Taylor whimpers again and her head rolls from side to side before her back arches off the bed and she's finally climaxing, hard, fastening onto him with winding legs and arms and hips that jerk spasmodically into his. She's grateful that he covered her mouth, but it only just manages muffle her helpless shrieks.
Joe's not far behind, and once her channel has relaxed enough to let him move he's plowing back into her without forgiveness, with his mouth at her throat, inhaling her scent deeply off her sweaty neck. It can't take more than thirty seconds worth of relentless ramming inside of her before he's trembling with his lip sucked in between his teeth while he orgasms with deep, thick, hot ribbons inside of her. Taylor thinks it's rather controlled of him given the way he was moving just seconds ago, but when he collapses to the side of her he finally gasps and mumbles incoherently descriptive swears, some of which she doesn't think she has ever heard in her life. He's breathing heavily and when she turns her head around to look over at him there are a few drops of sweat visible on his face and his eyes are squeezed shut in disbelief.
"Th-that," she gulps, "got very dirty, v-very... fast."
Her thighs are still trembling from the sensations, and the stickiness between them is evidence of how well he'd kept it. She whimpers unknowingly and covers her newly shut eyes with her hand. She's exhausted, and her body aches from the delicious sensation of being used and rewarded for waking up.
Joe acknowledges what she said with some type of sound that sounds somewhere between a groan and death.
Taylor and him keep staring at each other, still intertwined, still unable to pull back or move.
"Are you okay?" He asks then, notices her tired eyes. She doesn't answer him, just nods. The mood is suddenly so different just within a few moments. The lust is gone and deep satisfaction is in the air. Taylor smiles at him, lands with her shaky hand on his head once more.
He's confused, but smiles as well.
"What?"
"We had sex three times since yesterday." She answers with a smirk. He returns with a laugh, then moves so that his torso is pressed against her torso once more. Heat and sweat between their skins, reminding him of what just happened in this room.
Joe places both his hands on her cheeks, looks at her in awe. A beautiful masterpiece. That's all she is. Her blonde curls sticky against her forehead. Her lips read from kissing and sucking on his skin.
"We had a lot of catching up to do." Joe says and she smiles. He isn't lying.
"And now?"he asks, looks more serious suddenly, clearly hoping for more than just a gentle kiss and a smile.
"Pancakes. Your daughter requested pancakes." She says, then slowly escapes his grip and leaves the bed within a few seconds. Joe looks after her, watches her disappear in the bathroom. She grants him once last smile before closing the door.
He definitely hoped for more than that.