invisible string - jaylor oneshots

christmasbound VIII

"How much gravy do you want to put aside?"
"Perhaps just half of it for now?"
"Where do you have the..."
"Second drawer on the right."
Taylor slowly makes her way back to the kitchen counter, leaning against the marble stone in her navy blue dress, her hair curly hanging over her shoulder. She crosses her arms, looks at Joe being helpful in the kitchen. He's just helping her prepare the last bits and pieces for tonight's dinner. He's quiet, not mad. He hasn't been speaking much, but hasn't been ignoring her either. He made it clear to her that he doesn't want to speak about it, that he doesn't feel like talking at this point. And she takes it. She has to take it for what it is. Him and her in the house, Eleanor between them and a house full of family over these holidays.
"You look nice tonight." she says, her voice a bit more uplifted than before. Perhaps, taking a first step towards him will do the trick. Joe doesn't answer, is busy wrapping a bowl of gravy into cling film carefully as he feels two hands wrapping themselves around his torso from behind.
"...like a whole snack." she whispers jokingly, already pressing her face into his dark grey shirt that's covering his sleek body in the best way possible. He looks as effortlessly handsome as he always does. Only a shirt and a pair of jeans and it makes her go limb on an instant.
With her face pressed into his back, she awaits any type of reaction but nothing. She breathes him in. And it hurts. His silence hurts. She doesn't want to let him go, doesn't want to just brush off that he rejected her touch, but decides to still unwrap her arms from his torso then. She just stands there now, in high heels, right next to him in the kitchen, feeling more than rejected. And Joe doesn't seem to mind. Instead, he's now studying the back of a red wine bottle, doesn't seem impressed by her flirtations.
"We still have an hour before your family arrives. Shall we talk perhaps?" she then murmurs. She looks at his back. It's slowly getting dark outside. The living room of her house is lit up in the warmest way. Fairy lights are hanging from her Christmas trees, and the little candles up on the fireplace are lid, too. It's the cosiest way to spend Christmas Eve. Snow, warmth and the people she loves most right next to her. It could be the cosiest way to spend this evening if there wasn't this horrible cold between them.
"Why?" he answers then, after what feels like eternity. Joe carefully turns around, seems to look into her face for the first time today. She swallows, feels anger rise in her. Anger and an uncomfortable amount of anxiety.
"Because I don't like having your family over while we're in World War III over here, Joe." she says, "I'm getting major last year vibes." she adds then, sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood with her joke.
"Correct" he replies then, with too much honesty and annoyance in his voice for her taste.
She sighs, now just shakes her head in disappointment while looking at the floor. This is not what it's supposed to be. They shouldn't be fighting already, after spending less than 48 hours together in her house. This time, Joe looks at her for the first time in a while, standing across from her in the kitchen and leaning against the marble counter on the other side of the room. She's crossed her arms and has that same worried look on her face that he knows too well. She pretends to be cool, but the anxiety is in her eyes. She's not good at communicating her emotions yet always tells him exactly how she feels with those eyes.
"What do you want me to say?" he then says, turned around to her fully, the kitchen cloth being thrown onto the counter, his presence fully on her. His eyebrows are lowered. He looks a bit angry but restless at the same time.
"That you're angry? Just something." she says immediately, her arms still crossed. She can't believe he's turned last nights love making and the absence of three single words into this. They've gone 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. He seems so closed up, a look on his face that tells her that he can't seem to remind himself why he stayed. Why he didn't end already whatever developed between them in the past days and weeks.
"I'm not angry." he sighs.
"Of course you are." she says, faster than he can.
Joe doesn't say anything, just looks down again, not meeting her eyes anymore. She feels her stomach churn.
"You know what, maybe I am." he says then, a bit more aggressive than she usually knows him. But Taylor almost feels relieved, almost feels thankful that he's not shutting her out anymore. She would always prefer angry Joe to quiet Joe. Angry Joe is unfair and sometimes a bit too emotional for her taste, but he cares. He is angry, because he cares. Doesn't walk away from her and decides to love someone else.
"Maybe I am mad about the fact that I've spent... that I've spent years loving you despite.. despite everything that's happened and how our lives changed and.. and now that we're here, and we're in this together, and we're finally so close to just.. letting all of this shit go you still... you still can't just open up to me."
Taylor stands there, realises just now that his words were more than she wanted. She feels sick all of the sudden, overwhelmed by his accusation. Because he is so wrong. Because, perhaps, he's so right?
"What? Do you think opening up means saying I love you after sex? Do you think that's the only way I am opening up?" she defends herself, her voice getting angry, sounding a bit more on edge than before. She doesn't want to get loud, doesn't want Eleanor upstairs to listen to this conversation between her parents.
"You are.. you are in my house and in my bed and.. we're celebrating Christmas like a family. That's a lot, Joe." she breathes heavily, her hands shaky. She radiates anxiety, which is something that Joe hates. He'd never want to cause her to be anxious, ever. Yet it feels like, once again, that's exactly the effect he has on her.
He doesn't answer her again, hasn't moved from the spot he's been standing in front of her.
"It's not enough for me." he says then, not moving, not looking at her, not a sign of uncertainty in his voice.
Taylor just stands there, feels like her lungs are not able to get air no more. She immediately feels heat rising up and her eyes getting more and more watery with every second passing bye. She doesn't move, both her arms crossed, both her hands getting sweaty now too.
"Okay." she says, her voice shaking. It's only then that Joe looks back at her, and his face changes. Softens.
"Shit, that came out really wrong." he mumbles then. A hint of empathy in his voice. For the first time today.
"No, it's.. this is not enough for you. I get it." she says then, feels hot tears coming up in her eyes, but immediately swallows them down again. He knew that this is how he can get her. He knew that this was always her greatest fear, for as long as he knows her, yet he's still gone there today.
"It is enough for me." he says eagerly then, for the first time today approaching her instead of pushing her away. He takes one step closer to her, places his hands on both her upper arms and looks at her apologetically. She doesn't look at him though, her face still focused on the floor.
"This came out completely wrong. I didn't mean that you aren't enough for me. I meant that this... this constant uncertainty is just.." he stops speaking, just sighs again and doesn't know how to continue. His lips part once more, but nothing comes out. Nothing but his hot breath, right on her face.
"I just.."
He tries again, then stops. He can't take this one more time. Seeing her so hurt. So unhappy. Her eyes so empty. As empty as they've been for the past three years.
"I just want to be for you who.. who I once was." he whispers then, his hands still running up and down her upper arms, her face slowly turning to look at him. She's unsure, but it almost looks like he's about to tear up. He's too close to her face for her to be able to see clearly.
"I don't want to be the guy you.. you have to learn to forgive. I don't want you to have to learn to say that you love me again, I just.. I just want you to feel it."
Taylor parts her lips, has so many things she wants to say to him. But the look in his eyes is too heavy on her. It's like seeing the person you know the best, break. It's like looking into her daughter's eyes. She always forgets just how much they look alike.
"I feel it. I feel you. I just..."
Just when Taylor stops talking is when she can feel his hands making their way down her hips, right onto her back and then arriving slowly but gently on the lower backside of her body. Slower and slower, until they have a secure grip on her bum cheeks. She still feels completely taken by his eyes, the anxious look in his blue yes having turned into another form of extreme emotion. He looks bothered. Bothered by his lust for her. Taken by her, and the feelings he feels in his body for the woman in front of him.
"I need you so much. Not just like this." he whispers then, his eyes fully focused on her face. Her blonde bangs are almost falling into her eyes, the curly hair over her shoulder. Her red lips, and her small hands that he knows better than his own, wandering all the way up from his chest to his beard.
"I need you so much, Joe." she says, only mili-seconds before she lifts her head up and kisses him intensively. She usually never resides to a proper kiss when her lips are covered in lipstick. But this time, she just forgets. Even more so, she just decides that this urge in her is stronger than her rational thinking. Her tongue quickly finds her way to his, and Joe feels the warm breath escaping her nose on his. His hands are suddenly everywhere. Taylor sighs into the kiss. She tastes like the cappuccino she's had just a few moments ago. Her tongue as soft as he remembers and the feeling of her curly hair against his forehead more familiar than anything he's ever felt before.
Her hands are deep in his short hair now, and his mouth is slowly leaving her lips, wandering to her throat. He feels like losing himself in her skin. The natural scent that radiates from her drives him insane. He loves the little birthmark on the side of her throat more than his life. His tongue and lips are loving up on her a bit more intense than per usual. He knows that and so does she. Taylor slowly opens her eyes again for a split second, and all she can see the ceiling of her living room. All she feels is his hands on her. One securely on her back and the other one under the skirt of her dress, deeply buried inside her panties. It's then that she realises that they're just moments away from indulging in sex. In animalistic, unbothered sex. Right here in her kitchen. Right here whilst their daughter is upstairs, ready to walk down and find them like this any second.
"Bathroom." she says slowly and Joe lets go off her for a second. He understands her message within a split second. His eyes are still half closed, his lips red while breathing heavily and his pants radiate a certain tightness that she knows too well. Joe nods, while walking backwards with her, almost stumbling over his own feet.
____________
"This is ridiculous" he mumbles desperately, still staring into the mirror in front of him while washing his face. Her red lipstick is still stuck in his beard. It's been a few minutes now that he's trying to get rid of the stains of her lipstick, but without success. Taylor, who has already fixed both her face and hair, now takes a step towards him and giggles quietly.
"Come here."
"Is this like cement? Or.."
"It was waterproof." she says, almost apologetically, whilst grabbing his face and rubbing his lips and mouth with the make- up removing wipes she used earlier. She can't help but giggle while taking care of him. Even more so, when she hears him sigh over her previous answer.
"Why would you put that on your lips all the time? This is horrible."
Taylor grins again, even though she feels for him. His beard really seems to not let go of her lipstick.
"Look at us. Making out with lipstick on. We're teenagers." she mumbles then, makes him laugh as well. Taylor slowly lets go off him and takes a good look at the situation in front of her. He's still a bit red-ish. She reaches for a fresh wipe.
"I look like a ginger now."
Taylor laughs again, and Joe secretly loves the fact that her hand is so steady on his cheek, making sure he gets all cleaned up. He loves seeing her smile so closely to his face. He notices the little pimple on her chin and there's nothing he finds more endearing.
"You don't. It's just a bit...stained."
Joe doesn't say anything, just giggles quietly with her.
"Tay?"
"Mhm?"
"I'm sorry for last night." he says then and Taylor expected anything to come out of his mouth. Anything but this. She gets nervous suddenly again, yet doesn't stop cleaning his face with her make- up remover wipes carefully.
"Me, too." she says then quietly, folding the wipe once before placing it on the counter behind her. She can feel Joe reach for her hand, and lifts it up to press a gentle kiss onto it quietly. She smiles slightly, a look of satisfied exhaustion still on her face.
"I'm so happy you're home, Joe."
He needs to hear nothing else but instead lets go off her hand and pulls her into a gentle but tight hug. This time, his hand isn't wandering to the lower back of her body. Instead, he just remains close to her, loves to feel her body pressed against his. He feels so happy to hold her in his arms, feels her small frame protected against his chest. Taylor's eyes are closed too, and she just places her still shaky hand on his back. Her eyes are closed. His scent in her nose, slowly healing all the wounds he's caused before. It's like her torturer slowly became her remedy.
"Mommy! Mommy, I think Santa is here." a little voice yells from the hallway.
Taylor doesn't let go off Joe, just chuckles into his arms. He slowly lets go off her, smiles his nicest smile at her and leans forward to kiss her forehead.
"Let's not be naughty anymore today, mummy. Santa's here."
She just laughs quietly and punches him into the side before unlocking the bathroom door again and walks downstairs to help Eleanor open up the door for their guests.
"I don't think it's Santa, baby. Look! It's grandpa" Joe can hear her answer in her excited but gentle voice while walking down the stairs. He just remains standing in the bathroom and laughs quietly. It's been a while since Christmas has felt so warm. It's really been a while.
____________
"Sweetheart, that salad dressing is lovely! How did you..."
"I hate to break it to you, but it's store bought." everyone hears Taylor answer Elizabeth from the kitchen, and the entire table laughs slightly.
"Whole Foods."
"Why did you say that?" Joe intervenes jokingly, yelling back to the open kitchen where Taylor is taking the main course out of the oven.
"It's of course home-made." he adds, and gets an eye-roll back from Taylor. It's now gotten fully dark outside, and her dinner table is full. Full of glasses and food, but most importantly surrounded by the people she calls her second family. Whilst Patrick and his girlfriend are still talking to Tom about his girlfriend Lucy's new job, Richard is busy helping Eleanor change her Barbie doll into a new outfit. Elizabeth just looks at Joe with a laugh on her face, while finishing her salad.
"Taylor, you shouldn't have made such an effort. How long have you been preparing all this?" she asks, clearly impressed by the different dishes she's cooked for this evening. And it's not even Christmas day yet. Elizabeth knows that she's never hosted a proper Christmas before, and she shouldn't have made such an effort for them.
"Oh, we've just been taking care of this yesterday, was no big deal." she answers, slowly walks back to the table and places the bowl of honey glazed potatoes next to the main course. She slowly sits down again, the chair between her and Joe empty as Eleanor seems to be too nervous to remain sitting on her chair for once.
"Joe helped you?" Elizabeth asks then, reaches for her glass of wine again and looks to her son who seems unusually smiley tonight. A lot more smiley than she's seen him in the past couple of weeks.
"Of course I did. I don't have to pay rent here, so I thought I could pay in chopped vegetables." he jokes, making Taylor laugh.
"Who says you don't have to pay rent?" she gives back with a smirk on her face, making him smirk quietly too.
"So you.. you properly live here now?" Elizabeth asks, confusion in her face. This time, Richard also looks up to take part in the conversation. Joe clears his throat once, and Taylor feels nervous all of the sudden. She doesn't even know why, but it feels warm in this room suddenly.
"I mean I moved out of Naomi's a few weeks back, and.. I haven't found a new place yet so Taylor offered to crash here and.. for me to spend some time with E." he answers, proud of himself for having found a good excuse as of why he's been staying in one house with Taylor.
Elizabeth doesn't say anything, and Joe knows that she knows. The question is just how long can she keep it to herself and not comment on this any further. Joe gets up to refill everyone's glasses.
"How's Robert doing, Taylor? Are you two still seeing each other?"
Joe can hear his mother's voice around the dinner table whilst he opens another wine bottle in the kitchen. He feels himself getting angry. He knew she wouldn't stop poking. He knew she wouldn't be able to just stay out of their business. And Joe knows that Taylor is getting tense. He doesn't have to sit next to her to feel the anxiety and nervousness radiating form her. She's got her hand hidden between her crossed legs. A pose she always takes as soon as she gets nervous.
"Uhm, not at the moment." she says, then casually reaches for her wine glass, acting as if nothing she's just said would come across as unusual or weird.
"So let me get this right, you guys are both single and living in this house together?" Tom asks now, and it suddenly gets more than quiet around the table. The only person who seems to not be surprised by the sudden topic around the dinner table is Eleanor. With her curls in a little ponytail she just runs from the table back to the couch, where she's built a little castle for her Barbie dolls under one of the big white pillows.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Joe now answers, while walking back to the table with the new wine bottle he just opened. He feels responsible all of the sudden. Taylor suspected that this would happen yet he still pushed the situation in the first place.
"Well, you're not telling us that you two seriously consider trying it again, are you?" Elizabeth now says in disbelief with a hint of shock in her voice. Taylor feels the negativity between her words right away, and it does something to her. She feels pushed into the corner, feels a newborn anger and defensiveness in her chest boiling up slowly but surely.
"Well, maybe we are." she then says, can't believe the words just came out of her mouth. For a second, the table freezes. Joe just looks to Taylor in utter surprise, would have never expected her to get these words out of her mouth so naturally. And he knows that it wasn't the wisest option. He knows that this wasn't the ideal reaction towards his overtly worried mother.
"Can I.. can I have some more wine?" Patrick then mumbles, seems to be the one to break the silence, desperately trying to ease the weird vibe again. Joe just nods thankfully, and gets up to refill his glass. Taylor is staring onto her plate, doesn't say anything anymore. She regrets her sudden reaction, he knows that. And his parents just look at them, from Joe, to Taylor, and back to Joe, waiting for any type of reaction. But he doesn't know what to say, feels at a loss for words in this moment.
"So, you're saying that you two are back together?" Elizabeth says then, and the same silence from before comes over the dining table again. Nothing but the Christmas music from Joe's playlist in the background. The burning wood in her fireplace is creaking. Taylor has placed her wine glass in front of her again. She feels shaky, almost nauseous. But also angry. She and Joe haven't even figured this out for themselves. Why won't Elizabeth just give them some time before judging. Because she already is. And Taylor can feel it clearly.
"Mum.."
"I'm not saying we're back together, but we did decide to spend some time together to see if we can work this out, yes." Taylor then interrupts him, and Joe has never been prouder of her. This is new for him. This is a new found confidence she suddenly radiates. He looks at her in both shock and pride, almost doesn't notice his mother placing her wine glass on the wooden table in a more aggressive manner than before.
"So by 'working this out' you mean you've spoken about you taking Eleanor from her father when she was at her most vulnerable and just leaving him to himself for two years? Is that what you're working out together?"
Taylor looks at Elizabeth in shock. She's never witnessed Joe's mom as aggressive and defensive as she is now. Within a second, Richard places his hand on her forearm, telling his wife to stop it. Tom, Patrick and his girlfriend just place their cutlery on the plate in front of them. They're all uncomfortable. More than that. If there's anything worse than fighting with a family member, it's fighting with a family member on the holidays - with everyone around the same table.
"I didn't take her from her father. I did what I had to do as a mother." Taylor replies with a shaky voice. She feels cold and hot at the same time. Her stomach is churning. She's glad her voice is still working, because she felt like it's gone. Before she can speak any further, she already feels Joe's hand on her back.
"Mum, stop this right now." he says angrily.
"I know you are a great mother, Taylor. But you haven't been a good partner to Joe. And I really thought you got to a point where you both could finally..."
"I haven't been a good partner? I.. I can't do this." she says with a husky voice. She feels like fainting, feels like she's about to pass out. Before she can get up is when Joe holds her arm, signaling her to stay where she is. Before he can open his mouth to counter his mother is when she's already speaking again. The situation has truly gone out of control. None of his siblings says a word no more. He cannot believe this is happening.
"I want both of you to be happy and responsible parents and we all know that you are not when you're living together. If this will end in the same mess as last time, I..."
"Time to leave, mum."
Joe interrupts her. Taylor has never heard him so angry and loud. For a second, it's quiet. Taylor just remains sitting at the table, her face buried in her shaking hands. She's never felt so offended by a person she once called her second mother.
"What.."
"This dinner is over. Please get up and leave."
Taylor doesn't say anything, feels like throwing up. She just sits there, covering her face with her shaky hands. And Joe has never felt so angry, never felt so embarrassed by his mother.
"I never meant to start this fight, Joe." she says apologetic, seems to understand slowly that she's taken it a step too far. But Joe is raging on the inside. She knows her son too well.
"Joe, why don't we all just calm down for a second and.." Richard interrupts them now, trying to calm the fronts. But Joe is already standing up, pointing to the door at the end of the hallway.
"Taylor, I'm sorry. I genuinely want the best for both of you, and if you both want to work past this, then I hope that..."
"Please just stop." Taylor says, her voice has clearly changed. She's crying behind her hands. Joe knows that, as well as everyone else around this table.
"Please go home. Not tonight." Joe says again, and it takes less than five minutes until the room is finally empty. All she can hear is Elizabeth arguing with Joe, and his brothers apologising for their mother. Everyone is mad at Elizabeth. Taylor feels that immediately, but it doesn't make her feel better. As soon as the door closes behind them, Taylor gets up, walks past Eleanor who looks more than confused. Joe stands there in front of the door, looking as sorry as he could be.
"Tay, I.."
"Can you.. can you please give me a second?" she asks with teary eyes and shaky hands and has already made her way upstairs before he can say anything. With her heels on the carpet, she storms into the master bathroom of the house and locks the door.
"Daddy, where did they go?"
Joe just looks at a confused six year old in the living room. He slowly makes his way to her, then carefully knees down in front of the little girl.
"I think everyone was just really tired, my love. You'll see grandma and grandpa tomorrow, okay? I promise." he says apologetically. He can't believe this happened a day before Christmas. But to Joe's surprise, Eleanor just nods, places her little hand on his shoulder.
"Grandma doesn't like that you live here." she says, and Joe feels like he's dreaming. Did she just say this?
"What?"
"Grandma was angry at mummy and you, right?"
Joe can't believe how much the little girl has understood already. And it makes him even sadder, and a little bit more angry at his mum than before. He can't believe she managed to ruin this holiday for everyone. Her granddaughter included.
"Come here." Joe says then with a sigh, picks her up and sits down on the sofa in front of them with Eleanor on his lap.
"Grandma isn't mad at us. She just remembers that mummy and me used to fight a lot when I was living in a house with you two, and she's afraid that we might fight again, you know? Because she knows how much you hate it when mummy and me fight. And she loves you a lot."
Eleanor looks at Joe, nods then, but seems confused still.
"I don't want you and mummy to fight with grandma."
Joe sighs again, his hand immediately landing on her little curly head. He gets closer to hear and kisses her head gently.
"I know. I promise it'll be fine again. Don't you worry about it. Mummy and me and grandma and grandpa, and Patrick and Tom... everyone in our family loves each other a lot. And sometimes when you care for each other, you fight. That's normal." he explains to her, hoping to make her feel at least a bit better right now.
"Can you live here when grandma is angry?"
Joe looks at the little girl in his arms with a smile. For the first time tonight. She looks anxious all of the sudden and it makes him understand how secure she must have felt these past days. With both him and Taylor being here. He understands now why it was always worth fighting for this. Because they're a family. They really are.
"Of course I can. Nothing can stop me from being here with you and mummy. Because I love you soooo much." he says quietly, showing Eleanor with both of his hands just how much he loves them. Eleanor giggles quietly and Joe pokes her tummy. He's relieved that he could calm the little girl a bit.
"Are you excited for Santa Claus to sneak into our house tonight?" he asks and Eleanor nods with big eyes. "What if he won't find us?" she asks with a worried look in her face. Joe smiles. "You've been so good this year. He will definitely find our house, don't you worry." he says again and kisses her head slowly.
____________
Joe confusedly wanders through the house. Eleanor is asleep in her bed now, after he successfully carried the sleepy girl upstairs and finally tucked her into her bed. After all, it's past midnight now and no matter how excited she is for Christmas morning, she does need her sleep after all. Joe slowly opens the room to Taylor's office but he doesn't find her. He slowly closes the door again and makes his way up the stairs once more. After a few seconds he finds the door to the little balcony on the second floor open and spots a blonde woman with her puffy winter jacket on one of the metal chairs in the cold. She seems to have carved out snow from the chair, and just sits there with her glass of wine, staring into the dark. Joe swallows seeing her here like this. He carefully knocks against the balcony door before stepping outside to where she is. She just slowly turns around, doesn't seem to mind him joining her.
"Hey."
"Hey." he says, welcomes Taylor wiping snow from the chair next to her with her puff jacket. He sits down next to her then. Doesn't say anything for a second.
"I saw the open balcony door and thought Santa Claus found an alternative entryway to our house."
Taylor looks at him, just smirks quietly. He hates to see her like this.
"Well.." he tries again, "At least we've had a nice and relaxing Christmas dinner with my family, don't you think?"
This time, Taylor laughs quietly with him for a second. Joe slowly reaches for her hand in her jacket, and Taylor lets him hold her hand.
"I'm so sorry, Taylor." he says then, and she turns her head to look at him. She's cried before, and he knows that. He can see it on her puffy but dry eyes.
"Don't.."
"No, I mean it. My mother was being impossible."
"Well, she meant every word she said, so.."
"She's impulsive. And rude. And already called me fifteen times tonight to apologise. I get that you..."
"Joe, I love you so much, it's insane." she then interrupts him, not facing him anymore. She just sits there in the dark, wearing her navy blue puff jacket and stares into the dark winter sky. Joe just looks at her, squeezes her hand once in disbelief. Almost as if he would have to reassure himself that what she said is real. That he's not dreaming, or hallucinating.
"I know." is all he gets out in this moment. The amount of happiness rushing through his veins indescribable. Taylor turns her head to look at him again. He has no idea where she's going with this, but he likes it.
"I felt it the entire time, but when your mom started to talk us out of this tonight, I just.. I literally knew on a rational level that I want this as much as you do. And I don't care what we did, or what happened in the past or whether.. whether people think we shouldn't be together."
Joe listens to her speech, and almost feels like he is getting a bit too emotional. It's been a long time since he's witnessed her so sure, so bold and confident about their love. It reminds him of who they were years ago. After having realised that they're it. Love. Real love. And not the superficial idea of love they've experienced before each other.
"Tay, no one thinks that we shouldn't.."
"I think we should get married." she says then, looking at him.
Joe sits there, swallows.
"What?"
"I think we need to stop messing around and just.. face it." she says, looking at him with tears in her eyes. Joe doesn't know whether she's saying this because she means it or whether this is Taylor being more than emotional tonight.
"Face it?" he asks with a shaky voice himself.
Taylor appreciates that he holds her hand in this moment, because she's never felt dizzier. Dizzier by her own honesty and boldness. By the epiphany of her consciousness that this is Joe. It was always Joe. No matter if he broke her heart, or lived thousand of miles away from her. It was always Joe. Back then, and now.
"Us." she says crying now, and Joe can't help but pull her closer.
"We can always start over, right? Let's just start over." she says then and Joe pulls her into the tightest hug they've ever shared. She can feel his face pressed into her neck, feels the sensation of cold tears on her throat.
"Of course we can start over." she hears a whisper in her neck. For a second, she closes her eyes again, feels herself sobbing slowly. Slowly but deeply. She almost feels like all the tears she held in for years, slowly find their way out. She's not caring about the fact that her neighbours will be able to hear her. Instead, she just holds onto him, allows herself to release the pain and anger she's held onto for so long.
"Of course we can always start over, my love. Always..."
Taylor tightens the grip around his neck, her hand holding onto his shoulder as if she was holding onto her life. She feels him sobbing, too. And it's this moment that she knows she will always remember. She will always be able to remember this moment, even if it's still happening, even if it hasn't passed yet. Because in this moment, right in his arms, her life feels like it's starting again despite it all.