QUEEN OF DIAMONDS

CHAPTER 53

Keabetswe

"Oh my God, ure eng kaSandile? Ooooh Reni, I went to serve him some juice yesterday and he said 'ngi-yabonga nkhosazane'. Yho, I almost screamed," I heard one of my cousins, Nthabiseng, say, just as I am about to enter the kitchen. "Yeah, he is cute but he's nothing like his brother. But I'd die happy if Qhawe even smiled at me!" Reneliwe says loudly. "Shhh, madam Keabetswe will hear you and be very upset. Mxm, wetsi she hasn't done anything since she got here. All she does is stay holed up in her room and walk around the house, begging for attention and pity," Nthabi says. I sigh and step into the kitchen. The laughter dies on their lips when they see me and they clear their throats. They look down, avoiding eye contact with me. "Do you guys not have anything to do other than drool over married men?" I asked as I got a bottle of water out of the fridge. "Aowa Keabetswe, we were just-" Nthabi says. "You know if you have something to say, say it to my fucking face," I said turning to face them. "Don't be dramatic, Keabetswe. We were just having a harmless girl talk. It's not like we were going to go after your man or anything. There's no need to be insecure," Reneliwe says smugly. "You couldn't take him even if you tried," I replied and walked out. I run into Amanda by the staircase, but I wasn't really in the mood for a sympathetic conversation so I just told her I was fine and walked away before she could say anything else. The girls have been here for about a week and I haven't said more than 20 words to all of them combined. I appreciated them being here but I found it hard to speak to someone without zoning out so I just avoided contact altogether. Maybe those two bitter hags were right, I need to get out of my room for a bit. All eyes turn to me when I walk past the living room. The chatter stops and one of the older women congregated there smiles at me. "Keabetswe ngwanaka. O hantle? Come sit here, next to me. Do you need something?" an aunt asks. "Che, rakgadi. I just need some fresh air," I said. The last thing I wanted was to sit and drink sweet tea with these women while they preached the Bible to me. I really don't need to hear that this is God's will, not today, not tomorrow or anytime soon. I walk out the door and I'm immediately hit with the smell of blood and cows. The funeral is tomorrow and there are people everywhere making funeral arrangements. Some people stop what they're doing when I walk past and bow. I walk past the men who are slaughtering the cow and see Andile and all the guys including Lubanzi. I don't think any of them should be here or part of the slaughtering process it's them and no one has the balls to tell them what to do. Andile looks up as I walk by and looks torn between staying with the men and running after me. I'm not allowed to speak to the men so I just nod at him and hope it relays my message, don't follow me. He rises slightly but Qhawe puts a hand over his arm and says something to him. Andile relents and crouches back down, his eyes never leaving mine. I feel his penentrating glare as I walk across the yard. A guard (Andile came with a whole lot of them) appears at my side. I stop walking and face him. "I don't need someone to babysit me," I say defiantly. He looks at me blankly and I glare up at him. "Sir's orders," he finally says. "Well then tell him that I don't need a babysitter," I said. "Ma'am, my job is to protect you and make sure you're safe," he said. "Well maybe if you had been good at your job the first time we wouldn't be here," I retorted. He said nothing but I instantly regretted saying it. It was a bit harsh but I was already annoyed and I didn't need someone hovering over me. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I just. Look, I just need some alone time and anyways I'm not going far," I said. He looked over to Andile for assistance and Andile gestured for him to leave me alone. I know someone is going to follow me regardless but I'd rather not see them. I continue walking and greet Lumka at the gate. He offers to accompany me as well but I firmly decline. I really don't need a babysitter. It's a 6 minute walk to the cliff but it seemed longer today. Tshego used to love this place when we were kids, it was his escape from everything I guess. There's someone here already, I didn't think anyone ever came up here. Lorenzo turns when he hears my approach and smiles at me. "Hi," I said and he nodded. "He told me this was his favorite place," he said and and sat down beside him. "Ugh, I used to hate this place. Anytime he brought me here he would be quiet and solemn, I didn't like that version of him. I loved the happy Tshego the one that would never shut up. I wanted him to always be happy and silly and young but when he was here, he looked like he carried the whole world's problems on his shoulder. I hated that," I said. That's the most I've said in almost a month. "He loved the kids at the orphanage. That's what made him so damn attractive. He was always so kind, funny and just good with kids. I miss him, I miss him so much Khia it hurts," he said and I wiped my tears. "I know," I croaked. "I don't know how I'm going to make it through tomorrow, or the next day or the next five years," he said. I know.