Heart Out

This sucks

I jolt awake from the blaring sound of my alarm at 6 later that morning the sun bounding through my window as I completely forgot to close my curtains last night I switch my alarm off abruptly before pulling my duvet over my head and groan "not yet " I tell myself. I need five more minutes. Closing my eyes again brings me peace for what feels like 3 minutes but I am awoken again by my baby brother running into my room

"Maffu , Mummy says it's time wake up "

He climbs onto my bed and starts jumping around me "wakey wakey " I pull the duvet down to look at him and smile

"Hey there Lou ...did you sleep good kid ?" I ruffle his hair and pull him down to me for a big hug and sit up "did you have breakfast yet mate "

"I slept good ...and no not yet mummy made coco pops but said you gotta wake up so you can eat too " he smiles up at me lovely and tries to pull me off the bed with him as he slides down back to the floor.

"I'll be down in five minutes okay Lou " I smile at him fondly and let go of his hand "run along yeh tell mummy I'll be five minutes alright "

I watch him run back through the house and I sit on the edge of my bed and wrack my hands through my hair and sigh. Making my way over to my dresser to get my uniform on I pick up my phone and see a few messages from George and a text from Ross asking if I'm meeting him before school for a smoke or not . I pull on my trousers and walk through to the bathroom to brush my teeth , brush my hair and put on deodorant while I'm occupying myself I reply to Ross

"Yeh man meet me at the park near mine and we can have a joint before we go I rolled a few last night before bed"

I then look at George's messages he was just saying he could help with my GCSEs and a half an hour later saying good night I send off a quick

"Morning G "

Once I've finished up in the bathroom and preening my hair enough that I look "pretty " . I go back to my room and put on my shirt and tie and drop the joints into my pocket along with my earphones and pick up my bag .I make my way through the house saying goodbye to my dad as he leaves for work

"Good morning love " my mum says as I walk into the kitchen , she comes over to me and kisses my cheek "you having breakfast this morning ?". She knows I don't eat every morning so it's a feesable question I pick up my glasses from the counter and slip past Lou

"Nah I've got to meet Ross , but I'll eat at break don't worry " . I ruffle Louis hair again and I say goodbye to both of them and slowly slip out the door. My phone vibrates in my pocket as I close the door I take  it out and see a messages from George again

GeoDan16 : "mornin matty ... sleep well ?"

TrumanBlack : "I slept I don't know about well...still bloody shattered tho "

My eyes still feel heavy as hell as I make my way to the park expecting to see Ross sat on the swings waiting for me which to my surprise he isn't

GeoDan16: "ohhh poor baby ....can't sleep late and wake up early "

TrumanBlack : "bro...uncalled for , uncalled for "

I find myself on the swings grinning to myself like a lunatic . This kid is wild man. Just as I put my phone back into my pocket I hear a whistle from behind me and turn to see Ross bounding down the path towards me

"What's got you so grinny this morning" Ross smiles at me and waves , quickly sitting down next to me on the other swing

"Just watching you flailing around like a bloody giraffe just now " I wink at him just to wind him up and pull the joints out of my pocket with the lighter in tow , I swiftly pass him the other one and chuck the lighter over once I've lit my joint

"Rude dude rude" he glared at me and takes a drag from the joint twinning with me as I do the same , releasing the smoke from my lungs with a long sigh and a massive yawn as I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees

"Late night huh?" He smiles over to me and laughs

"Yeh but not how you think you whore "

Ross gasps in fake disgust "I never thought anything of the sort Matthew "  he takes another drag "so what where you doing then " he looks at me quizzically

I shrug "Just gaming really , watched YouTube and spoke to some people on the game "

"Late night Pub-G , it's gotta stop mate your going to burn yourself out ....you need rest ...you look like shit "

"Oh thanks bro" I look down myself my uniform it was wrinkled like mad and I could tell the bags under my eyes were dark as hell , and they were so itchy so must be red "I just can't seem to sleep right " I shake my head sullenly and rubs my eyes again after taking another big drag coughing slightly as it hits the back of my throat

"Oh...you stressing ?" He looks at me genuinely concerned this time he does know me better than anyone so he'll know I'm stressing , he drops the end of his joint onto the floor and stamps it out "come on...we can skip first period if you like ?"

I look up at him properly but the sun is in my eyes causing me to squint as my eyes sting from the light "I can't , really have to go....we can meet out back later though for another smoke?" I shake myself down after standing up and putting out my joint "This school is actually gunna kill me Ross " I lean my forehead against his shoulder and groan loudly "let's go "

After a minute or so of walking I pull my phone out again to see if George has replied

GeoDan16: "Sorry man ...I can be quite a dickwad in the mornin ...anyway how are you except for tired ??"

I look up to Ross who is to preoccupied watching the bird fly by and smile at my screen again and feel my cheeks flush

TrumanBlack : "about to walk into hell ...I honestly don't want to go to school right now but I've got my best buddy with me and just smoked a zoot so hopefully I can be calm "

GeoDan16: "arghh a zoot before school sounds like heaven man .... I really can't be doing that before school...mams to nosy and makes sure I get to school instead of skipping "

I laugh to myself thinking of the time my mum used to be like that when I was 14 due to me not spending enough time in school and just staying at home

TrumanBlack : "dude I felt that a little to much there "

"Seriously Mate thats the second time in the last half hour I've seen you smiling at your phone like a 12 year old girl ....who you talking too ,....new girl in tow ? "

I surprisingly look back to Ross who I didn't realise was looking at me , I close my phone and put it back into my pocket swiftly then shove him softly "what do you think dude...just some guy I was talking to last night ...I fell asleep during our conversation so I was finishing it wasn't I ?"

"If your sure " he winks at me again then makes his way through the grey doors of my own brand of personal hell , school , I roll my eyes and watch him trail off to his first class of the day