Heart Out

Denise

Sorry this is a short one , I just wanted to get Denise in here talking through things with Matty

Matty's POV

"Matty your mums here for you", Ross informs me when he comes back with another cup of coffee, he made me one but I guess if mums here I'll have to leave it and he can have it later. I clamber of his bed sighing as I go as I'd just gotten comfy and I don't want to go I hug him goodbye and he tells me to let him know if I need anything.

I grab my rucksack from the door and make my way outside seeing my mum waiting for me outside of the car she came over to me and folds me into her arms "hiya son" , I half hug her , she only just saw me this morning it's not like I've been gone for days .

"You saw this morning mum , you alright?", I smile at her trying to make the situation a little lighter because I know it's just going to be a handful later.

"I'm alright sweetheart , why don't you jump in and we'll have a chat yeh ?" . As she got in the car I got in the other side immediately hit with the volume of the radio

"Shit Ma , could you turn that down Jesus , why's it so loud ?", She looked at me like I had three heads then reached for the stereo turning it down for me. Then starts up the car, waving goodbye to Ross

"It wasnt even that loud Matty, So what's going then?, Ross said your having a hell of a time right now". I really don't want to get into it right now, so I just shrug and lean my head against the window feeling the vibrations going right through me, closing my eyes so I can drown out everything around "Come on love I can see it myself, Can you please be honest with me ?"

"It's just a whole load of everything Mum, Where do you want me to start"

We drive for a while and just talking about everything and anything I can to help her understand what's going on in my head , talking about school and how I'm scared that everything is changing, how much I hate how everything is affecting me, that it's a constant battle everyday to just be okay and she's listening to me. Not interrupting me , just listening. I don't tell her about the drugs though because I know she'll be upset and I don't want to upset her . She pulls up to the Mcdonalds drive through both mum and dad know that it's where I like to get coffee it's quick and easy.

"Did Ross feed you love !", why did I just know that was coming. I shake my head no but let her know that Ross did try but I argued that I wouldn't want it if he did because I wasn't hungry, my appetite is just gone

"Love you've barley eaten in like 3 days , do we need to go see Dr Adrian again?". Dr Adrian was the doctor my parents had taken me too when I started having food issues , he gave me supplements to help me get back on track and they did a fine job but since maybe January I just haven't had the best appetite, It got easier to hide as time went on I suppose. "We can see him again you know , he'll help you get back on track".

"Nah , I don't want too , I'm just not that hungry right now" . She still pulled up anyway "Can't I just get a coffee Ma."

"I'll get you a coffee but you need to get something to eat you can save it for later but I'd like to see you get something to eat please" . We're just at the drive in the person has already asked us what we'd like I swear this is just the most awkward this could be

"Alright fine uh , I don't know just get me a cheeseburger then and a Toffee Latte" . Literally even at the thought of eating my stomach is churning but if it's what my Mum needs then so be it.

"Right wasn't that easy", My mum orders food for herself as-well, I go straight for the coffee once it's handed to us the warmth of the cupboard cups really relaxes my hands feels like a warm hand in mine.

"Thanks" . I left the cheeseburger is the bag for now as my Mum drove off, I don't quite know where she's going yet but I'm sure I'll learn soon enough. "Hey Ma?"

"Yes Son?", She looks at me while she's driving quizzical look on her face.

"What's going on with you and Dad?". I've never brung it up with them but I know they've been arguing a lot, and dad sleeps on the couch at night, when he's home that is. I know she cries most nights

"Nothing that I need you to worry about Son , it's just marriage stuff that everyone has , we'll sort it , but I need you not to worry"

"But I do worry Mum, you know uh Ross thinks it might be anxiety, that's why everything stresses me out, do you think I might be able to get help with that" , shes looking at me again but she seems happy that there's things that could help.

"Anxiety is something that we can get you help for but it's not going to be easy and we won't always know what to do but there is ways , we can see if Dr Adrian can help with that". We're on our way home now I think. "We can talk to your dad as-well if you like and we'll work on it together love"

"That sounds good Mum , but don't tell dad everything, can we leave some stuff for dads sake I don't want him to get all protective like he does" , I love my dad and he's always protective when things go wrong and he's so good at everything but when he gets protective he gets all weird

"Right love I'm glad you've spoken to me but I really need you to keep being honest with me, talking to me when your feeling upset or scared okay?"

"I'll try mum I promise" , we pull up outside the house and once we're inside I tell mum I'm going for a shower I feel groggy even though I haven't even done anything, and on my way I decide to message George , I haven't spoken to him all day and I actually miss him

I send him a message "hiya George , I'm sorry I haven't spoken all day, today got really busy and I spent a lot of time talking with people about what's going on, but I'm going to be honest with you right now too , I missed you" , I know I don't even know him and it can be weird missing someone you've never met but I do, it's really helped having him to talk too , he doesn't know my past so doesn't bring stuff up that others might. After sending the text I just hop in the shower and take my time to have an actual proper good shower. Shampooing and Conditioning my hair , lathered up in soap I'm finally feel clean. The heat is really relaxing I wish I could stay here forever. Once I've finished, I jump out and brush my teeth and comb my hair a little staying wrapped in my towel I climb onto my bed and just lay there for a while. It's calming just laying in the quiet in the dark of your own room nothing to think about