The Essence Of Aphrodite᯽

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑶𝒏𝒆 🝮

Saanvi ☽

꧁꧂

I can't fucking do this.

I don't understand why I'm going to university. My mama thinks just because she is a failure that she can live her life through me. I don't want to go to dumb university, I want to live on a farm in Paris. All I can think about is my little farm in shit nowhere Pairs in the countryside. I imagine myself alone of course , just me ,and my animals.

My mother is a manager at Arby's and my step father works for some random temp job so he has many odd jobs. My life isn't necessarily the best but I do have my family I guess. It's just that sometimes my mother can be draining. Sometimes I just want to get away. I just want to disappear and never come back, as selfish as that sounds,I know I can't. I worked so hard in high school and got a scholarship. The reason I don't want to go to university is because I'm not smart enough. High School was draining enough mentally and I almost dropped out. Twice. I'm scared. I'm so scared of leaving. I won't know anybody , and nobody will like me. Fuck. My thoughts suck. I need to stop thinking but I can't.

Sometimes it feels like my mind is running on overtime and it feels full to capacity.

I need to get out of this bed and funk so I finally rise out of bed and make my way to the bathroom. I have to pee. I always start my day with a massive pee . That's my truth. After my morning pee I wash my hands and make my way down the stairs to get breakfast or watch t.v I honestly don't know yet.

"Bonjou SiSi kontan pou inivèsite?" My stepfather Mario greets me cheerfully as always. ( good morning SiSi , are you excited for university?)

Bonjou mario. I reply back to him dryly.

I'm not a morning person. I feel as though you need to give me 24 hours to prepare myself before speaking to me.

" Bonjou pitit fi mwen an." ( good morning my sweet daughter)

I roll my eyes at my mothers greeting.

" hi ma" I say and walk to the living room and sit beside my brother

My mother is only sweet to me when she wants one thing. Money. The only upside of leaving for university is that I'm able to have my own checking account and won't have to give my mother money for simple tasks anymore.

" I need $150 before you leave today, okay Si?"

I just ignored her. Like damn , can I eat first? Fuck.

"Hi sister," my brother Milo says to me.

I reach over and give him a hug. I love my brother. He is so sweet and innocent. The true reason I'm not so inclined to leave home is my brother. I dont want my mom to fuck him up like she did me. He doesn't deserve that. He is a sweet boy.

" we are leaving Saanvi"

" Goodbye pa"

"Bye mario"

My parents leave and it's me and my brother until 3pm. I kiss my brother's forehead and make my way to the stairs when I start to feel my head start to hurt a little. I walk over to the kitchen aisle and look for some chokola and pen. I pour myself a cup of the drink my mom made and grab two slices of the bread. I have chronic headaches. Normally I take my meds as soon as I wake up but it totally slipped my mind because of all of the overthinking this morning. I walk to my room with my chokola and pen and I sit on my bed and close my eyes while I sip on my drink. I placed my drink on the bed side table and let out a huff.