Alhaitham X Kaveh - Love and Logic

14. Caution In Confidence

"Let me," Alhaitham began to take off his cape as they stood inside their house. The walk home was long and Kaveh was silent for most of it. Alhaitham let them walk in silence, trying to think of a way to get him to speak. Kaveh not talking was like him not breathing. The silver-haired man squeezed his hand every now and then, trying to get his attention, but Kaveh simply followed his pace, not uttering a single word. As they arrived at Sumeru City, they ran into Faruzan.
"Kaveh my dear, are you all right? I heard you had been kidnapped," she hugged the blonde, ignoring Alhaitham completely. Kaveh gave him a gentle squeeze before he let go of his hand, hugging their senior, assuring her he was fine. Faruzan suddenly turned around and glared at Alhaitham, asking what happened with Kaveh.
Alhaitham crossed his arms and answered in a monotone voice: "He got shot. He will live."
Faruzan's eyes widened as turned back to face Kaveh: "You got SHOT? Are you all right? Did you see a doctor? Kaveh, are you in trouble?"
Kaveh shot Alhaitham an annoyed look before he reassured her that he was ok. Faruzan gave him another hug, this time she was careful not to squeeze him too tight. They parted and Alhaitham took Kaveh's hand again, gently squeezing before they headed towards their home. As Alhaitham unlocked the door, Kaveh observed him.
Please, let him in.
Tighnari's words echoed in his head. How was he supposed to do that? Alhaitham had been kind to him, but he could never truly love him. "Rotten" he whispered, making Alhaitham turn to him. The Acting Grand Sage cupped his face with his hands, their lips barely touching as he gave him a gentle kiss. Then he pulled him inside the house, closing the door behind them. He took off their capes and told him to take off his shoes and he did the same. Kaveh listened without replying, too tired to resist Alhaitham's ordering voice. I need coffee he thought to himself as he began walking towards the kitchen, but he was stopped by strong hands pulling him into a hug. He froze for a second then his body relaxed into the warmth of Alhaitham's chest.
"I need coffee," he mumbled as he felt Alhaitham's breath on his ear.
"No. You need rest," Kaveh turned at his words, facing him with an annoyed expression. Before he could express his annoyance he was thrown over Alhaitham's shoulder.
"HAITHAM! I am not a sack of potatoes!" he yelled as he was carried towards the silver-haired man's room. When Kareh realised where they were going, he froze up again until Alhaitham gently put him down on his bed. Kaveh tried to ignore the rapid beating of his heart as Alhaitham lay next to him, the tips of their fingers touching. Kaveh intertwined them staring at the ceiling as Tighnari's voice kept rumbling in his head. He looked at his roommate realising he was already staring at him.
"What?" he asked, when Alhaitham chuckled. He pulled him closer laughing into his hair. Kaveh blushed, asking what was so funny. Alhaitham gently kissed his forehead before he whispered: "You are not a bad person for not being ready to let me in. If you keep overthinking your brain will get fried."
Kaveh shook his head, but he didn't have the energy to fight. Alhaitham was so warm and Kaveh felt himself slowly drift off to sleep. He nuzzled into the crook of Alhaitham's neck, his body relaxing. The last thing he heard was Alhaitham's whisper: "Sweet dreams, love."

"You are my sunshine, my little sunshine..." his mother swayed left and right as she cooked. Kaveh and his father just returned from the market, carrying bags of groceries. This was the day he told his father to enter the inter-darshan competition. He thought the diadem looked pretty. So pretty.

Kaveh mumbled in his sleep, making Alhaitham put down the book and pull him closer. The blonde shook as he repeated the same word: pretty. He suddenly sat up, his breathing shallow. Alhaitham hugged him again, whispering: "You're safe with me. No one will hurt you."
Kaveh sobbed: "What if I hurt you again? I don't want to run anymore, but..."
Alhaitham squeezed him and kissed his forehead. After Kaveh calmed down he spoke: "I am afraid you will leave again but know I will always welcome you back when you return. Without exception."
Kaveh looked up at him. Alhaitham smiled as his thumb caressed the blonde's jawline.
"Such a crybaby."
Kaveh gave him a light punch, voicing his disagreement, and making him laugh. Kaveh pouted: "It's rude to laugh at your senior."
Alhaitham shook his head: "I am not laughing at my senior, I am laughing at my dramatic boyfriend."
Kaveh froze at the last word. Alhaitham stopped laughing, his voice apologetic: "Er, I..."
Before he could take it back Kaveh pulled him in for a kiss. Alhaitham's hand was on his lower back, pulling him as close as they could be. Kaveh put his arms around his neck, one of his hands roaming through the soft silver hair. They separated after a minute, both out of breath. Kaveh leaned his forehead against the other man, closing his eyes. All he could hear was the beating of his heart in his chest. Everything was so damn loud. Alhaitham whispered his name.
"I am ok. Just... I don't know how to explain it..." he began, confused with himself.
Alhaitham nodded and rolled onto his back, pulling Kaveh to rest his head on his chest. He waited a bit before he asked: "Do you want me to listen or to talk?"
Kaveh chuckled: "You have a theory?"
Alhaitham squeezed him as he answered: "I do, but this isn't about me."
Kaveh thought for a second before he spoke again: "Listen please."
He felt Alhaitham nod and took a deep breath. Open up.
"I feel... broken. I keep trying to run away and at this point, I don't even know why anymore. I just... I feel too much or nothing at all. I don't like myself in either of these cases. I just can't stop it. I don't know if I will ever be able to stop it and I don't want ... "
Everything began to pour out of him. How he continues to blame himself for everything, how he is scared of who he becomes every time he snaps.
"I mean why would you want to be with someone like me? I am not..."
He stopped, lost in his thoughts. Was he being selfish? Alhaitham said he would always be there for him, but how was that fair to him? Rotten.
Kaveh felt Alhaitham's lips on his own, the kiss was gentle. He opened his eyes, trying his best not to shake from the panic bubbling inside him.
"You're not selfish."
"It's not fair to you."
"Love is not a business deal. I will be here no matter what. I just hope you can find enough trust in me to come back every time."
Kaveh widened his eyes: "Love?"
Alhaitham chuckled: "What did you think I felt for you?"
Kaveh rose his eyebrow at him, before he smiled: "You love me."
Alhaitham nodded. Kaveh pulled him in for another kiss before he teased: "You could have said something sooner, you know."
Alhaitham shook his head: "You wouldn't believe it if I did."
Kaveh knew it was true. He would think Alhaitham is conducting another experiment or that he was making fun of him. He looked at the man next to him. He was so beautiful, he thought to himself. And he loved him. Unconditionally.
"If I lose control again..."
"I'll be there."
"If I run again..."
"I'll wait for you."
Kaveh smirked before continuing: "What if I turn into a fungus? Would you still love me then?"
Alhaitham gave him a questioning look before he answered: "You would be easier to carry."
"Hey!" Kaveh lifted himself to punch him but Alhaitham was faster pinning him down into the bed. Kaveh tried to keep an angry face but a smile still crept up on his face. Alhaitham loved him. No matter what happens he will always be there. His partner. His friend. His home.

So this is it. I decided to write another additional chapter with the smut, but if you don't want to read it, you can stop reading here. Thank you for all the kind comments and for reading my first fic :)
If you have any advice on where I could do better or if you have any other comments please do tell :)