❗️TW: Self harm❗️
"Baby, please let me buy you this". Billie said as she showed me a dress. Billie, we talked about it. I said. Please. She said. Only if i buy you something too. I said. Okay. She said getting the dress. What are you thinking about this one? I asked her. For me? She asked. Yeah. I said. I love it but i don't have the body for that. She said. Fuck off baby, you're beautiful. I said. Hm okay, if you think it would look good on me buy it. She said. Trust me, it will fit you perfectly. I said. Okay. She giggled. We just payed and then went out of the store before i saw an old friend walking next to me. "Gracie? What are you doing here?" She asked. You're talking to the wrong person. I said. No, i know you, you ran away when you was 16. She said. No? I asked. Oh yeah, your birthday is on June 4 and you're Italian. She said. "Where do you know that?" Billie asked. She used to be my best friend, but then she ran away from her family. She said. What? I don't know you. I lied again. Why are you lying? She asked. Come baby, i want to leave and not talk with her. I told billie getting in her car.
-time skip to their home-
"Liv?" Billie asked me as i sat on the couch. Mh? I asked. About this girl earlier, why does she knows your birthday and that you're Italian? She asked. I just took a deep breath. Come sit here. I said. So? She asked sitting next to me. I ran away when I was 16, its true. I said. Why haven't you told me that? She asked. Because i wanted to start over. I said. And your name? Is your name really Gracie? She asked. I- yes. I said embarrassed. Fuck, why haven't you told me that, and other things about you, are they true? She asked. I swear they are billie. I said. You lied to me over everything, i basically don't know who you are. She said. It was wrong, i know but don't leave me, i need you. I said. I just need some space right now, i'm gonna sleep someone else tonight. She said. No, please don't. I said while i started tearing up. Don't follow me, i need to think about everything. She said getting up. Do you hate me now? I asked. No I don't, just leave me alone for a few hours. She said closing the door behind her. "God I'm such an idiot." I whispered crying. I cried the whole evening until i fell asleep. As i woke up the next morning, my eyes were swollen and billie still wasn't back. I let Shark out in the garden and tried to eat something, but I couldn't. She have to come back, she wouldn't left Shark. He just came back inside and ate something. "You're such a good guy". I told him before I went into the bathroom. I just wanted to take a shower but then I saw a razor blade of one of our shavers. I just had to cut myself on my arms and my hips. I could not just let it lay there and shower. There was a lot of blood on the floor. I just cleaned it with some water and towels. I wasn't able to shower anymore because everything was hurting, so i decided to go back to the couch and tried to sleep again. I let the garden door open so Shark can go outside if he wants to. I woke up a few hours later because Billie came back. "Oh did I woke you up?" She asked. I just shrugged my shoulders before she sat down next to me. Baby, why is there blood? She asked. Where? I asked. Liv, don't lie, I know you just wanted to start over and i shouldn't have reacted like i did yesterday, but don't tell me you're doing it again. She said. I-I'm sorry. I said crying again. Oh no baby don't cry, i love you and I won't let you do this ever again, I should've thought about it, you don't need to be sorry, i should be sorry. She said crying with me. I couldn't help myself because your was mad at me. I said quietly. I love you baby, I'm not going to leave you. She said kissing my forehead. I love you too, i'm sorry i did it again. I said. It's okay baby, just promise you're not going to do it again. She said. I promise. I said. Good. She said kissing me once more.
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If you have problems with SH, please get some help❗️I know it's not easy to do that but at least try.
