𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞- 𝐧. 𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲

All the stars

"It's kind of cold out here huh"

It's the third time he says that and I keep agreeing as I shiver. He does something that makes my heart skip a beat. We are both sitting by the shore where we usually do our training, both facing where the ocean meets its ends

He pulls me against him as he wraps his arm around my shoulder gently, we don't acknowledge it at the moment because if we did chances are we would both freak out

I wanted to come to the shore again, despite the fact that it's almost eclipse. We've just been out here making small talk, getting to know more about one another. But with the heaviness of what happened earlier, all of the questions so far have been safe and so far we ran out of small talk so now we are just sulking in on the silence for the past 3 minutes

Or maybe the silence is a question in itself

He's holding my hand and we are both just staring at the waves as they crash against the rocks, moments pass and I lay my head on his shoulder without thinking

"When we used to go out hunting with my dad when I was younger, he usually had a day off from his duties so that's what we would do." He says breaking the silence. I lift my head off of his shoulder and pull my knees up, wrapping my arms around them as I'm attentive to Neteyam

"Eventually Lo'ak came around and it made it all the more fun." He adds with a small sigh. "He would always encourage us to do our best, and I think that's what pulls us back from a lot of things. We always try to one up each other in terms of trying to be like Dad.. or trying to please Dad. But to me keeping my siblings safe is what's more important to me than anything.. and I will do what I must to protect them"

He turns to look at me to make sure I'm looking back at him

"and because I try so hard, my dad sees past that and automatically thinks I need to carry the responsibilities of the rest of my siblings"

Once again, I'm at loss for what to say to him. I hate knowing he has so much pressure for being the eldest son, but I think I'm still clueless when it comes to how much it affects his life

"And I know Lo'ak hates me because of it"

He whispers, I squeeze his hand, because I'm sure that's all he really needs right now

"He doesn't hate you Neteyam.."

I say back, trying to comfort him

"I may try to hide it from him that I know, but all I want is for him to be better. I feel bad for him sometimes... and I know Dad is also really hard on him which makes it all the more difficult"

My mind keeps on going back to what happened with Aonung at the beach. To say I couldn't have ever prevented for that to happen is far beyond my capabilities. I know it had to happen, but once again this only leads to something far worse than I can imagine

He probably thinks he's an asshole, and based on that fight, I wouldn't blame him

" I think he's only hard on both of you because he wants the best for both of you. I don't know exactly much of your past, but based on what you told me... it's getting harder to survive." I stretch my legs out in front of me and sigh. " and the only thing he can do is try to protect you in a way, and he's relying on you because you also understand that way better than the rest of your family"

Neteyam faces me. " but he needs to understand it's hard on me too.. I never wanted to leave our home. I never wanted to come here in the first place. I've had to keep up this persona just to make my dad happy, but it's really all an act. I just want to go home"

He says as he holds my hand and lifts it closer to him, he stares at it for a moment before speaking up

"That's why I wondered that other night, if you were putting up with an act too. I could tell you didn't belong here as well, so maybe in a sense I was trying to see if you could understand too"