Little Somethings - A Poetry Collection

It's Not A Crush

It's just that I like him, like a friend of course, not anything else.

I only like him

But in a different way than anybody else.

I only like him

But I would go through walls to be with him, just to see him.

I only like him

But why is it that every time he smiles at me, that every time our eyes meet, my heart skips a beat.

I only like him

But I get jealous when he talks to someone else, and I get sad when he doesn't sneak a look at me.

I only like him

But then again, why do I do everything I can to impress him and why do I do everything just for one short conversation. One short conversation, hoping for it to last forever, to never end. One shot conversation filled with his voice burning itself into my brain and I know I could never forget it again.

I only like him

But why does my heart clench together in pain when he says he can't like someone that way and even if he could, I know it would never be me.

But it can't be a crush, I only like him. But then again, do I really just like him?

Because in the way I can relax and be myself with him, you could say something completely different.

It's in the way I can lose myself in his eyes for hours, not even thinking about how much I hate eye contact.

It's in the way that when he accidentally or un-accidentally touches me or just brushes his hand against mine, I don't flinch.

It's in the way he can talk to me about anything, and I'd never get bored.

It's in the way that I can make changes in myself when he points something out, without losing myself because I know he'd notice even that.

It's in the way he can compliment me, and I'd find a thousand good things in him, without batting an eye.

It's in the way that when green meets blue, I know he'll keep me safe, and he knows I would protect him too.

But it can't be a crush, I only like him.

Because you won't see me getting all giddy and giggly when I'm beside him, my face flushing with all shades of red and pink.

You won't see me trying to be funny to make him think I am, but instead staying serious, just as I am with everyone else.

You won't see me crossing the boundaries with him, like many others with their crush.

Or is this just my self-awareness messing with me? Or the part of me that doesn't want him or others to notice that I think of him in adoration? But then why would I get sad when people think I have a crush on anyone but him.

Because all the times I notice myself trying to get a glimpse of him every chance that I get and smiling into myself, I'll be blushing all red hoping nobody saw. It' how I adjust my posture to seem taller and to make our eyes meet on the same level.

But I am like that with everyone, especially my friends right? Or am I really not and just keep trying to convince myself that he's not a crush. Because if he were just a friend, I wouldn't be writing about he can just be a friend. But what if he is? Maybe he's just a best-friend.

So as I write I think to myself:

But what if he was my crush and I don't just like him?

But no, that's not how crushes feel.

So maybe it's not a crush. It's just that I like him.