Princess by Blood

44

Giovanni's POV:

I blacked out. 

It's always a very dangerous thing when I black out. I destroy anyone and anything in my path. I won't stop until I finish my mission, not caring who is there. They get even worse when I'm high. They're more violent and frequent. But I can't control them.

Suddenly, I'm holding Anna against a wall, a knife to her neck. She trembles and cries, staring into my eyes, begging to let her go. My stomach sinks as I realise what I'm doing.

"Giovanni, please. Baby, this isn't you." Her voice is desperate and I pull the knife away, dropping it onto the floor. I can't believe what I just did.

Anna drops to the ground, holding her knees to her chest for protection and pushing herself into the wall in an attempt to get away from me. I try to step towards her to console her, but she just pushes further away from me.

"Please don't." My heart breaks as I fall to my knees, knowing I've failed her. I feel defeated as I sit in front of her while her whole body shakes.

"I'm so sorry. I-I don't know what happened. I blacked out." I go to reach out for her to hold her but she pushes herself further into the wall, her hands coming up in front of her face.

"Don't hurt me. Please." I feel my heartbeat stop at her words, regret and anger coursing through my veins.

"Baby, you know me. I would never hurt you." I realise how much like Nicholas I sound right now. I'm a split image of him in that video.

"You had a knife to my throat Giovanni." Tears slip out of her eyes and I try to shake the itching feeling that grows in my skin.

"I blacked out. I was high. I'm so sorry. I love you Anna. I didn't mean to." She shakes her head.

"You don't love me."

"I do Anna. I love you."

"No. If you truly loved me, you wouldn't treat me how Nicholas did." My stomach drops at her sentence and suddenly I'm speechless. I feel the anger rise in me, but I have to keep it down. I can't scare her more.

"What?"

"One minute you're the sweetest person in the world, the next you're ignoring me, then the next you have me pinned against the wall by my throat, screaming things in my face. You're just like Nicholas." I realise that after trying so hard to save her from Nicholas, I became him. I studied his every action so much that he eventually became part of me. 

"No. No Anna I'm not like him. I love you. I need you with me."

"Don't say that to me. I can't be with you." She shakes her head and I feel a tear slip out of my eye.

"Anna I can't loose you." She takes a deep breath and carefully cups my face with her hands. I lean into the touch and she relaxes a bit.

"Listen to me, you will never loose me. I will always be here. I will always love you."

"Then why are you leaving me?" I sound like a child begging for their mum to stay with them when they get dropped off for school, and that's how I feel. I feel like I'm losing her forever.

"I'm not." She softly smiles at me and wipes away the tears from my cheeks. I should be the one consoling her.

"How do I make you stay?" She shakes her head.

"You can't Giovanni. Not right now. The only way to make me come back is if you give me time. I think we both need it. You need to focus on getting yourself sober and work on yourself. I need time to clear my head. It's what's best for both of us and the baby." My heart softens at the thought of the baby.

"Oh the baby."

"I know how you feel about it Giovanni. But it's my baby. I have to do everything to make sure it's happy and healthy." I shake my head.

"No Anna. I love this baby. I-I had this dream that I was looking after it and I loved it. We were happy. Please Anna. I love you and this baby." She smiles at me again and kisses me on the forehead.

"I know Giovanni. I just think we need some space." I sigh, feeling defeated. This is the end. For the first time in my life, I don't know how to fix the problem. Because I am the problem. 

Anna's POV:

I feel completely numb as I watch Luca walk him out the front door. Fear, pain, anger, betrayal all coursing through my veins as Luca walks back over to me. He slowly gets down on his knees and sits in front of me, waiting for me to speak.

"He blacked out?" I have so many things I want to say, but that is the only thing I choose to ask. Luca sighs and nods his head.

"Being in the mafia has a very hard upbringing. Giovanni was beaten and abused by his uncle, causing a lot of trauma and anger. His sister, however, took most of it for him. She tried to protect him. But of course, you can't protect someone from everything. When he was fifteen, he fell down a very dark path. He was exposed to drugs, sex, alcohol, death, basically everything at a very early age so it was very easy for him to fall down. He was high nearly every night and would come home wrecked. His sister didn't like how he was destroying his life after she did everything she could to help him. He was too high and drunk all the time to realise that his uncle had focused more on his sister and eventually when he was seventeen she committed suicide. After that, he promised to never touch drugs again. And he hasn't. Not until tonight. But as a result of his childhood, he has frequent blackouts when he gets really angry." I feel tears run down my cheeks as I take all of this in. I stand up to run and find Giovanni. To hug him and tell him everything is okay. But Luca grabs my arms and sits me back down.

"Don't even think about it." I go to plead with him but his face gives me a stern look. I catch a glimpse of the knife next to us and I think it's for the best if i stay here so I sit back down and he lets go of me.

"What was her name?" I feel the urge to ask more, as I know I'll never get it out of Giovanni. 

"Sofia." My heart breaks as I can now put a name to the face. 

I feel so bad knowing Giovanni had to go through all of this. It's not his fault. He's broken and he finally found something to cling on to. But now it's being taken away. And I don't know how to fix it because I'm the problem.

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