i keep doing it over and over again. Getting Jealous. It's been happening too much. I'm sorry Tianna. Or to be specific innocent Tianna. Oblivious to the insecurity of social media and stress of overachieving. I still don't know what drives me to be the best. Maybe it's the fact I HATE mediocre. It's like eating a Oatmeal Raisin Cookie. ok but not the best. Rather a Chocolate chip that you're in the mood for like almost always. I can't get out of mind the fact I wanna be the best everything. The best friend, the best therapist, the best student, the best daughter. And yet no matter how hard I try, I'm just mediocre. And i have learned and still learning. That just because you're not as important, doesn't mean you're mediocre. You're the best to yourself or at least you should try to be, and give the same love to yourself that you give to yourself. I know im going on a tangent but I can't deny, countless days, nights, and millennia I've cared too much. Loved too much or too hard. and worked too hard. Never saying I would underachieve,
but I need a break. peace. A stopping point. An A to B to C to D. Then the final point, E. It's not procrastinating if you only stop to refresh. I have goals and ambitions. Things to say, do, go. Whats the matter? too much? ok I'll stop. So i'll do it for her. The tianna who would be curious. The tianna that would pretend to be a princess. The tianna that hoped for a cat one day and a fairytale story. The innocent Tianna. For her, I will pick myself up of the metaphorical ground and give myself a hug. Because I have not hit rock bottom. I have not given up on myself like I have guys. Instead I get up and I work twice as hard. And honestly I need to learn to give it a break but why should I stop? I love what I do and I can't give up on her. I'll give myself a hug and a kiss on the cheek and tell her it'll be ok. Because It can only get better from here.
