Maybe I'm just emotional.
But I know for sure you lost feelings.
I remember the exact moment.
It was when she said she still loved you.
She looked in your eyes and when she said "fuck you" she really meant I love you.
Because we both know she didn't mean it.
I always knew you were a player and I was expecting it I was still surprised though.
The moment you let me go. Your exact words.
Showed me you didn't care anymore.
When I cried in your arms you hated the feeling so you left me. You left me there crying for YOU.
And I was just a pawn in your stupid game and your main goal, your king, your beautiful prize. Was never me. It was the girl who never loved you but only showed jealousy. Jealous because I loved you the way she never could. She didn't want you but hated seeing you with anyone else.
And I can't say I'm jealous now but I wish we had more time. More time to love, to be young, stupid lovers who plan their future but really have no idea what the fuck they're doing. And even now, I still want that two bedroom with a siberian husky and a slightly dead plant that you tell me everyday to just throw away.
I can't fucking do it now. I gave you everything. Everything. I can't love again it hurts too much. I find myself comparing them to you and I keep falling for guys with your same red flags with your same laugh and same jokes. The same way you looked at me. But there's no one like you. And thats what I can't grasp. Why couldn't you have just stayed loyal. Even after we broke up you went as far as to date her and you couldn't look me in the eyes.
I found myself searching for an excuse just to be around you. Begging you to be friends with me anything, just so you wouldn't hide under Mr.whitesides table and look at me. I was foolish I know that but damn you were fucking cruel. I tried to laugh it off but damn it hurt.
Laughing without you, the way you'd grab my waist whenever I laughed at the dumb shit you'd do and you'd laugh with me and tell me you love me. Why can't we do that now. I'm not gonna pretend I'm innocent but god I loved you with everything I had. Every breath and glance. I couldn't help but admire and love everything about you. And now those same things I loved are now her favorite things. I hate that I let myself believe in forever.
Forever doesn't exist for me it's all temporary but oh, cara mia, how I wish we had forever. If only, if only. And I would be stupid to trust you again after the shit you've told our friends and your friends and I can guarantee my friends know I'm talking about you. But hell, I know you're never gonna read this but I wish you did. You were never a reader, but you had a knack for leaving me on read. Leaving me on read while you were kissing her. Touching her. While I innocently told you all the things I loved and told you about my day when you didn't care.
But now I know, never to trust a boy, when he says "I love you"
