have you ever felt like screaming your lungs out. Like it will free the water that's suffocating your lungs and passage ways. Like if you could just scream, you could breathe. A placid face but the inside is a storm. Like your physical body could not ever express what you feel because it is just so much. Suppressing it all down just so that you don't hurt anyone only to blow up afterwards. It's tiring being projected on 24/7. To be someone's verbal punching bag, how stupid of you to think I would be ok with you hurting me. Stabbing, punching, kicking my insides till I can't handle it anymore and spit out the words I've needed to say. How could you think I'd ever be ok. Ok with the degradation, invalidation, and profanity. Ok with the sinking suffocating feeling that it'll never be enough. My friend said " you can never catch a break" no i can't. I have to constantly move, constantly flow. To meet my goal. My end point. The end where I will finally be free. Where I won't be suffocated. And i'll be appreciated. confiscations of my heart until i am just an empty hole where I used to be. The emptiness consuming and grabbing onto me and never letting go. I can't breathe. its not working, the coping exercises they just don't work they never work. Because the environment doesn't change. My hobbies and my career all seem useless now. What a shame. All because the first person that was supposed to love me, treated me as if I wasn't supposed to be here.
