Daughter of Mayhem

The Shifting Path

[A/N: Hello lovely readers! I wish I could convey how much I love reading your reviews. To see people enjoying my writing means the world to me. :) I also wish you know how much I wished I could write these chapters faster so you wouldn't be kept waiting for such a long time between them. All of my stories are suffering because my creative well is expended at my job. I have brought you a new chapter today! Please excuse any typos or mistakes I may have made. I love the reviews so please don't hesitate to send them my way. As always, the characters and/or their likenesses of Sons of Anarchy do NOT belong to me, they are the product of Kurt Sutter's mind. I'm only responsible for Charlie. Happy reading!! :)]

—Charlie—

I was numb.

After Jax left and I spent a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom, vomiting the entirety of everything I'd eaten the last several days, I went back to straightening up the kitchen. Gemma just watched me, helping here and there knowing I needed to do anything to keep busy—to keep moving until we all knew what really happened to my brother's wife. I doubted anyone would truly know. When Abel let out a whimpering cry, I stopped everything I was doing and went to his crib to lift him out.

"Do you think he's hungry?" I asked Gemma when she eventually came into his room with us.

"Maybe but he might just need to be changed." I felt his diaper and, sure enough, he was wet. I nodded to her and placed him on the changing table, grabbing what I needed to take care of him. I couldn't help but smile and sweet talk to him as I worked and something that was tight in my chest loosened just a bit when he smiled back at me. When I had him redressed in his pajamas, I picked him up and walked toward the rocking chair, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Do you want me to put him back to sleep?" Gemma's voice was quiet, supportive, and held a heavy sadness that I knew was weaving its way through every member of the club and their families. I looked up from the baby in my arms and offered her a weak smile before I shook my head.

"No. I want to rock him for a little bit." Her expression softened even more, eyes full of understanding.

"Okay, honey. I'll finish cleaning up." I grabbed her hand before she turned fully away, stopping her movements.

"Thank you," I whispered. She offered no words but squeezed my hand tightly. I moved until I was sitting in the rocking chair with Abel. When I looked up, she'd left the room. I rocked him and sang quietly to him, watching his eyes as they began to droop and eventually close as he drifted back to sleep.

I carefully stood and placed him back in his crib only to sit back in the rocker. It was then, without any other eyes on me, that I allowed my tears to flow without choking them back. I quietly wept for Kenny and Ellie and the loss of their mother, for my brother and the loss of the wife he loved more than life itself, and for Donna and how her tragic, too-soon end meant she would never see her babies grow up. That final thought made me look toward the sleeping baby I had claimed as my own and I cried harder when I thought about not seeing who he'd grow to be.

Gemma never came back into the room to check on Abel and me. I couldn't help but wonder if she was having the same thoughts and crying her own tears over another Old Lady. Until the last years of Opie's incarceration, Donna and Gemma were almost as close and she and I were. Then Donna started separating herself from the club. A fresh wave of tears stung my eyes as I thought of how open and happy Donna was only hours ago, how she was coming back around to all of us as if she finally remembered we were all a family.

Everything was such a mess and, piece by piece, my heart broke. Nothing would ever go back to normal—if there had ever been a normal to begin with.

The sound of a single motorcycle in the distance alerted me that Jax was about to be home. I stood from the rocking chair and took another look at the baby inside the crib, smiling at his peaceful, relaxed face. His eyes never opened even as the motorcycle was right outside. I heard the motor cut off and I took a shaky breath, returning to the living room just as Jax came through the front door. Gemma got to him before I did and hugged him tight, whispering how sorry she was to him. I swallowed a twinge of bitterness as I realized she didn't say those words to me. Although we all considered ourselves family in the club, Donna actually was my family. However, I knew better than to express such sentiments out loud to anyone other than Jax.