I JUST WANT YOU TO LIKE ME | ✓

▬ 07: cherry seed

            I first met Dominic in August 2005.

An unusually cold summer were chasing me into my GCSE year and my friends were determined to cast one grenade before it snuffed us out — which, for teenagers, equalled a party. Tara Connelly had a rich uncle all the way up in Chapel Allerton who were s'posedly travelling across the Mediterranean and she picked up the mantle to invite the whole year to his three-storey house. Whether that were with permission, I've no clue.

Jacob arranged for his adult cousin to drive us and buy us alcohol as long as we paid, news which he announced with a smirk while our soaked football uniforms adhered to us like cellophane. Coach said we lost focus the second we stepped into the changing room and insisted on having his post-practice talks on the field regardless of weather since "a little rain ain't kill no one, you're s'posed to be men". Easy for him to say when he had an umbrella.

Though his lips were blue, Jacob's grin were wide. It weren't hard to understand the source of his smugness: this meant we owed him. And though Jacob were generally too nice to use it for owt bad, he'd definitely use it for summat annoying.

The evening of the party were just as cold but the sky were clear. The curtain of blue curled back to reveal the stars above and I tried to identify constellations I never learnt as I rubbed my arms for warmth. I didn't bring a coat because I didn't wanna get plastered and forget it at Tara Connelly's rich uncle's house. Jacob's cousin were meant to pick us up at the football field since we all lived within walking distance of it and our parents would ask questions if they saw us get into a stranger's car. We all told them we had extra practice.

But he were late. Freddie were beginning to question if this bloke were imaginary which got on Jacob's nerves. Irfan kept telling them to stop bickering; the wait would be worth it once we got there cause apparently Tara's step-sister were bringing her friends who were visiting for the summer and "European birds are mental".

'Maybe you can finally find a shag, Miles,' Freddie quipped, bored of taunting Jacob about his imaginary cousin and excited for a new target. 'Mate, you been sixteen for like two months and what've ya done with it? Nowt!'

'Unlike you, I've a job. Where am I s'posed to find the time for girls?'

He sniggered. 'Is your dick small or summat?'

'What? No.' I instinctively looked down and, when they all did the same, covered my crotch. 'It's normal.'

I thought it were normal. But I were also always careful not to look at anyone in locker rooms so I didn't actually know.

The little porn I'd managed to watch (which weren't much; between Má, Iris, and Ông Ngoại, I were rarely home alone) definitely weren't any help to my confidence. I couldn't tell if the boys were tiny or if the men really were that big but sometimes I'd compare the way their fingers wrapped around the girth to how well my own fingers reached around my wrist and all I could think were wouldn't that hurt? I had no idea then that the actors prepared off-stage so they wouldn't have to shatter the fantasy of ramming bareback into a stranger without foreplay.

'When I turn sixteen, Imma be loving Sasha Osborne every night.' Irfan mimed holding someone's hips and thrusting into her.

'Sasha Osbourne don't know you exist,' I bit. Sasha Osbourne were a year above us and there were about a 0.00001 per cent chance of her as much looking at Irfan.

Headlights seized us before he could retaliate. A blue Vauxhall slowed to a stop in front of us and Jacob smacked Freddie for doubting him though I hardly heard their bickering.