Hate With Benefits | Jikook

Chapter Nineteen • It's Quite Simple, Actually

Hi hi! Had a bit of a busy last few week but here we go! <3

He grinds his teeth together, his hands grasping the cup as he stares down at his drink. The dark liquid pools nearly at the rim, threatening to spill if he's careless enough.

Another session with Jungkook has gone by fairly quickly. The younger's eyes carried tired, dark spots underneath and Jimin had, more than one time, felt the urge to ask what seemed to be wrong. In the end, he couldn't say a word. It was clear that even though the heat between them had cooled down since their fight, there was still tension in the air they couldn't break in an easy way.

He tries not to blame himself too much – reasonably, they're both to blame for getting so worked up – yet the roots of his guilt are planted deep. Can't stop dwelling on the what ifs and Should'ves; what other words he could've said to avoid this whole situation.

Thoughts can be your own prison at times. Jimin has come to realize that.

He drowns his iced americano in two swallows and walks back to his place. It's late, most shops are closed or getting ready to close in just a few minutes and as Jimin walks down the sidewalk alone, he's suddenly reminded of the time Jungkook had followed him around like a loyal puppy. He smiles. It's strange, he thinks, missing him like this. It's not like we were ever close in the first place, he muses, I still feel like I barely know anything about him.

But, a stranger thought, a more terrifying thought, I want to know more about him, makes Jimin halt in his steps.

Fuck.

Anger pools at his stomach. It boils with the ardent heat of a wild flame, sets ablaze everything in its path. His steps grow quicker and stronger as he stomps down the cold pavement of the street. It's his fault. It's all his damn fault.

He stares down the horizon and sees Jungkook's eyes – those winsome dark irises that could stop his heart with a mere glance, the glimpse of unsaid truths hiding behind the window of his soul. Jimin has seen it; the emotions Jungkook tries so hard to keep to himself and he hates himself for it even more. Hates that he's tainted something so beautiful, so eternally special.

How could I?! His mind shouts. How could I have been so selfish? Why didn't I stay and listen? Why did I run away like a coward?

The corners of his eyes begin to sting with tears.

Why didn't I just give him a chance?

Jimin regrets that day at the park more than anything in his life. Had he not jumped to conclusions, had he been more reasonable and dared himself to say the things he meant to say, things between them might've turned out much different.

He crushes the cup between his fingers as he comes to a stop. He's reached home, yet Jimin doesn't feel relieved. Because behind that door, there's another pressing issue waiting for him. Another situation he doesn't know how to handle.

He wipes his face with the sleeve of his uniform and slots his key into place. The keychain dangles just slightly as he tiwsts it around twice before he hears a click. It makes his heart race.

He's been spending most of his time at Hoseok's and the brief times he's been home, he's chosen the precise moments he knew he'd be alone. He hasn't really been face to face with his mom or Lena since the announcement of their engagement.

When he opens the door, he's surprised to see only one familiar face.

"Jihoon?" He calls out, his shoulders relaxing as he closes the door behind him. "Why aren't you at school?" A quick glance at the time tells him his brother shouldn't be home for at least another hour.