Hate With Benefits | Jikook

Chapter Twenty One • Forever Changing

I took a little break because I was very sick but I'm finally doing better and so I'm back to writing! This chapter was though. My god, I have missed feelings about this one. Not the best I've written, but also not the worst. It's just kinda meh. Sorry for the long wait, I hope you can still enjoy it!

Jimin isn't sure if the words escape his mouth, if he's really given voice to any of his rumbling thoughts, or if the murmurs are just in his mind, a figment of his imagination blurring through reality.

He can't look her in the eyes.

His mother has been talking since he stepped foot inside. He tried to be sneaky – didn't want to wake his family in the middle of the night after rushing out of Jungkook's place once he realized how late it had gotten. A fruitless effort; he was caught the second the door unlocked with a careful rotation of keys, his mother's scowl the first thing to greet him at the door.

She stands with a hand on each hip, an impatient shift to her step as she paces around the room. Jimin flinches as the noise of her voice disrupts his thoughts.

"Are you even listening to me? Gosh, you're not paying attention to a word I'm saying!" She throws her hands in the air, indignant. Jimin keeps his gaze on the ground beneath his feet even as she walks closer. "We need to have a serious talk, Jimin." She says, unwavering tone leaving no room for argument.

He sighs, managing a small nod in response. He's restless, uncertainty tearing at his chest. His expression is molded into something unbreakable; trying to keep himself composed in front of her this time around. Whether it's meant as a shield for his own emotions or to spare his mother of more worry, Jimin can't decipher. Perhaps it's both. Perhaps it's neither.

He knows this talk is long due, yet he can't help the feeling of anxiety crawling up his body, the fear coiling up inside him.

"First off, where the hell have you been? It's almost one in the morning, do you have any idea how worried I was?" She scolds, brows furrowed in evident disappointment.

Jimin's lips twist in disdain and a cold wave passes through him. He feels like a child being called on for a reprimand and the underside of his face prickles faintly. He's always been a little weaker under the cold shade of his mother's eyes, unable to maintain that perfect poise of his as he easily does with any other person. No matter how much he tries, he cannot meet her piercing gaze. Defying her last time was a mistake. He hates where he stands now.

"I was just with Taehyung at his place," he says quietly, "We had some... project we had to work on together for, uh, physics and we ended up falling asleep, I guess. When I woke up it was already pretty late so I rushed here." He pauses. Then, hesitantly, he adds, "I didn't mean to make you worried, mom."

When she doesn't follow suit with a response, Jimin tenses up.

"You won't even be honest with me?"

The shift in her tone catches him off guard. His hands clench into fists at his side, the urge to curl into himself digging into him as guilt traps his chest.

She pleads, "Jimin, please."

He blinks, holding himself back. His eyes catch the sway of trees outside as a light wind stirs amidst the cold night; the dark that blankets the city is painted with small white dots all over and their gleam is reflected back in Jimin's own dark irises. He wishes, for a moment, to be one with the stars. To fly away from earth and live up there, where the world is no longer big enough to scare him, where the expressions of people are no longer seen with such clarity.

He wonders if he might see his dad up there. He'd always been the brightest star in his universe, after all.

The quiet murmur of wood beneath his two feet cuts through his daydream. He's still in Seoul, still inside his house, still rooted in place as his mother stands in front of him, expectant. He can't fly away regardless of how much he longs for it.