MELANCHOLY [S.T. B. Hargrove]

50

Max lays her head on my chest. I brush her hair with my fingers, laying my chin on her head.

Steve was driving. Lucas was in the passenger. Dustin was on my other side as I held Max.

I try to fight off all the feelings of pain and worry. I move so my lips rest on Max's head.

He wasn't taking her. Not Max.

"Turn here," Max tells Steve.

"Here?" Dustin questions.

I glance up enough to see Steve pulling into the cemetery.

I knew this place like the back of my hand. Billy was buried here.

I tense up a little. Max grabs my hand, playing with my fingers.

Steve parks and Max hurries out of the car.

"Hey, Max!" I call, chasing after her.

"I'm okay," she swears. "I just.. I wrote a letter and I.. I need to tell him."

I take a deep breath and nod, stepping back. Lucas is next out of the car, following behind Max until they're far enough away that I can't hear them.

Dustin and Steve get out of the car and make it to either side of me.

"Max wrote this," Dustin says, holding out an envelope. "She said it's just in case."

I pluck the paper from his hand. My name was written on it- 'Rocky'.

"She just said not to read it until something does go down," Steve adds.

I pull the envelope open.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" Steve asks.

"If something happens to her, it would've had to happen to me first. As long as I'm breathing, Vecna isn't laying a slimy finger on her."

Steve sighs. I walk around to the other side of the car and sit down with my back against the tire.

Max thought this letter was her final words. But, I had to die first if she got close to having any final words.

'Dear Rocky,

You scared me when you first showed up in my life. It's not every day a pretty girl pops up on your doorstep covered in blood asking for Billy of all people.

Life wasn't great before you came in. For me or Billy if I'm honest. You filled a hole that I wasn't even aware was there. You made Billy not be terrible. You made me not weak.

I still have the mask you gave me. I even taught El how to do her makeup like you did for me. 

When I think I'm not strong, I look at the mask or put on bright lipstick and think about what you told me. That you never feel weak or strong.. you just decide if you are one or the other.

I've decided that I'm strong. And that's because you helped me find the confidence I hadn't had before meeting you. 

Billy was the brother I never wanted. You were the sister I never had. But.. you two still worked together.

It feels gross of me to say that I was jealous of Billy. But, I was. I loved you and I didn't want him to take something of mine again. I know that you two knew each other first. I wanted you to be my best friend, my sister, my person. You loved Billy, though. But.. I know that you love me, too. Just differently.

I miss him. I want him back. So, I can't imagine how much it hurts you to have him not be here.

I know that when you see me, you see Billy. And I know how much that hurts. Yet, you still stayed by my side. Even though I know that when you look at me, you're thinking of what could've been, you still stayed loyal to me and loved me through your grief.

I think about Billy every day. I think about you every day.

I know that Billy made a deal with the Mind Flayer that you and I weren't allowed to be killed. I wish I knew that side of him more. The side of him that he only let you see. Maybe then, we could've been a real brother and sister. I would have liked that.

I think about how you were willing to die for El. I think about how Billy faced the monster with his bare hands.

I want to be strong like both of you.

But, I don't know if I will continue to be through this curse. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. Even though it would've hurt, I wish you and Billy did leave that night. I wish you two were just out in the world instead of where we are now. I wish you two would send me a letter in the mail with pictures of your wedding. Maybe a cheesy Christmas card in ugly matching sweaters.

You both deserve each other. Not because I think you're horrible. Not like before. You deserve each other because you loved each other through the shitty times. You made each other not so horrible overall. You deserved your happy ending together.

You made me a better person. A more confident woman. I wouldn't be who I am without you.

I don't know if you're alive right now. No one can get in touch with you. After reading those symptoms, I thought about you before I thought of my own shit. How hard this year must have been for you.

I hope you're alive. I hope that no matter where this goes that you find your happy ending. I hope you can love again. I hope you can choose to be strong again. I hope we kick Vecna's ass and send him straight to hell.

I hope, Rocky. I really do.

Because after losing Billy.. All I do is hope for another chance.

I want you to have another chance.

Love,

Your Little Red.'

I close my eyes and lean my head against Steve's car.

Despite having my eyes closed, the tears fight their way down my cheeks.

I bring my hand to my chest and rub at the pain.

"Max!" Steve screams in the distance.

My head snaps up.

"Help! Help!" Steve screams, louder.

I jump to my feet and look in the direction of Billy's grave. Steve was waving his hands in front of Max's face. But, she wasn't responding.

My stomach churns and I break into a run in their direction.

𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝒶𝓂𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓈--

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