APRICITY... Jan Rozmanowski

Reflection

I walked through the endless corridors, my steps echoing. Not a single soul in sight. Not even a janitor, just me. Every door is the same. Some of them have numbers on them but most of them are only white. I'm pretty sure they're soundproof as well. Not sure.

I stopped at room 57. This is where she wanted to meet. I took a few deep breaths before knocking. Silence. Let's try again then. After almost bruising my knuckles, I opened the door myself. The floors are carpeted and walls boring white just like the corridor.

As I stepped in, I could hear laughter coming from behind the other door. She must be there.
I turned the door knob, the laughter stopping in an instant. I pushed the door open and entered. To my surprise Lisa, my manager, wasn't alone.

"What are they doing here?" was the first thing I asked, rather angrily while looking at my band mates. She wanted to talk to me alone. What the fuck.
"Plans changed. Sit down. We don't have much time," she pointed at the blue plastic chair opposite of her.
"You should have at least told me," I said through gritted teeth and sat down, crossing my arms.
"Julia, everything isn't always about you," she rolled her eyes.
"That's the thing. Everything is always about you, Sam, Tyler and fucking Matt," my gaze met his "Never about me. It's like my feelings don't matter," his face stayed serious while Sam looked to the ground. Tyler just stared at me, clenching his jaw.
"Did I really mean nothing to you," I pointed directly at Matt. My voice got louder and louder every word that came out of my mouth.
"Now I have nobody-"
"Oh don't lie to yourself," Tyler interrupted. All eyes were now on him. I tilted my head in confusion.

"What about Jan?" he smirked, resting his elbows on his knees.
"Yeah, what about him?" Sam joined.
"Didn't you just go on a date with him? Moving on fast huh?" he continued, "You don't think we're that dumb, do you," he turned on his phone and opened my most recent instagram story. My heart dropped as I saw Jans clear reflection on my glasses that are now on my head. I slouched down on the chair, my mouth wide open. How did I not notice. Oh I'm fucked.

"Okay enough of this," Lisa finally said something,
"But we do have to talk about Matthew and Jan." I stayed silent but turned my full attention to her. How could I be so fucking dumb.

"Before you say something, hear me out," she started. This can't be good. "We have decided that it would be better if you and Matt denied the cheating rumours and move you to another hotel-"
"No fucking way," I interrupted but she shushed me and continued.
"We can't let you be with Jan. This band is already falling apart and we need to do something to clean the mess up-"
"Jan is the only fucking person in this whole world who seems to understand me and you want to take him away from me too? I'm already alone. There's no we, it's only you," I shouted, my breathing getting faster and eyes stinging.
"For fucks sake Julia, calm down. This is for the best. How do you think Matthew feels like?" Lisa spat in my face, fisting the paper in her hand.
"Of course you only care about Matthew. I can't keep living like this. After all this Eurovision shit is done, I'm fucking leaving. Don't even think of seeing me in the rehearsals," the tears streamed down my face as I stormed out of the room, shutting both of the doors behind me, almost breaking the hinges.

I need to find Jan. Fast. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to run away with him and never return. I know that's not possible but I can't take this anymore. I'm always the second option. Lisa has never liked me but what the fuck. She really doesn't care about me.

I ran through the lobby and up the stairs, my vision blurry and mind hazy. My breathing is only getting faster.
I threw our hotel door open hoping to see Jan, just to find darkness and no one in the room. I completely broke down and shakily shut the door, turning around.

Noa had just exited her room and was already running towards me with a worried look on her face.
"Hey hey. I'm here. Everything is gonna be okay," she whispered, kneeling down to my position and lifting my chin up, trying to wipe away the endless tears. I just looked at her, my bottom lip quivering.
"Do you know-...where Jan is-" I stuttered, my voice trembling.
"I saw him walking up the stairs to the rooftop," her voice remained calm and soft.
"Thank you," I hugged her before standing up and making my way to the elevator. She stayed there, not wanting to bother me any longer.

After a bit of sniffling and waiting, the metal doors opened. Thankfully there weren't any people. I stepped in and pushed the '10' button while leaning against the wall, flinching by the coldness. At this point my whole body is shaking and my heart is pounding a million times per minute. The tears really don't want to end.

Ding

The doors opened and I exited the claustrophobic room, my eyes already trying to find Jan. I don't even know what time it is. The only thing I know is that the moon is out and the sun is probably on the other side of the world.

I just stood there, taking deep breaths to calm down, obviously failing.
He had already found me. As my eyes met his, my legs completely gave out. I brought my knees to my chest and shut my eyes. Everything is happening too fast.

He rushed to me as fast as he could.
"Omg, what happened? Who was it," he pulled me to my feet. I fell to his embrace, not saying anything and just cried.
"Would you like to talk about it?" I didn't answer. He caressed my hair while swaying us side to side. I buried my face to his neck, inhaling the intoxicating and familiar cologne.

We stayed like that for a long time. Just listening to each others heartbeats. My breathing had slowed down and my hands stopped shaking. A small smile crept on my face as I remembered the picnic. The picnic that changed everything. I still have the JJ necklaces. Yes even his one that he threw to the ground. I collected the pieces and put them into a small yellow box. It should be in my wardrobe behind his sweater. Also I somehow need to find an apartment asap. I will not stay with Matt in this economy. That is a 'future me' problem.

"I really regret leaving," he broke the silence, catching me by surprise.
"I really regret letting you leave," I lifted my head enough to meet his mesmerising eyes.
"I really miss our movie nights," he lazily smiled and got even closer to me. Butterflies danced in my stomach as I continued the chain,
"I really miss our grocery trips." he chuckled, his hand finding my chin. We were inches apart and the tension only grew.
"I really want to kiss you right now," he whispered, licking his lips as his gaze dropped to mine.
"I really am not stopping you," I smirked, mirroring his actions and intertwining our free hands.
Without any warning, he pushed me against the wall and hungrily connected our lips.

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Great weather today am I right...hehe...
They sure are a couple of besties😭
I have been cleaning the whole day while writing this chapter. What did you do today?
Also thank you all so much for 5k. This is crazyyy.
Special thanks to jannsbff as always.
Leave all suggestions on instagram @JannOurBbg
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