𝑫𝑬𝑺𝑶𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵 𝑶𝑭 𝑶𝑩𝑳𝑰𝑽𝑰𝑶𝑵 . Tobias Eaton

•·.· 4 ·.·•

It's been five days since we made it to Amity and things remained relatively quiet. Our rule was to keep the peace and we did, but in the air all you could smell was the tension between Peter and me, Four and Marcus and surprisingly Marcus and me.

Marcus didn't stop trying to talk to Four, even just a word a day, anything was better than nothing was what he thought. I kept my distance from Marcus too, or at least I tried to. He was always right round the corner. I think that was the most difficult thing about being in Amity. There was no privacy. Marcus continually looked as though he had something to tell me, something important, but he never tried to talk to me, Four was always around.

To do with Peter and I, I mean what else could there be going on. We fought worse than siblings, fire on fire. All we did was taunt and get on each other's nerves. One night for example I was trying to get water from the canteen but Peter came in and knocked the glass out of my hand, the sound of the glass smashed against the wooden flooring which caused Johanna to come in and check on us. Peter was ready to get me into trouble but he knew both of us were at stake here.

I think the only people that relatively had a normal time here was Parker. He did what he had to do, to help, to spread peace. he blended better than any of us but I also believe that he's smarter than the rest of us, that to stay out of the trouble you have to become one of them.

I wouldn't say that his time here has been clean slate. I think he misses home, and sometimes he thinks he's a threat to Amity. That explains why he is always working around the farm.

While we have been here for nearly a week, I was beginning to become impatient. Pretending like everything was fine was something the others wanted to do, but, for me, that was impossible. The idea that my mum could have a plan lingered in my head.

Despite the peace Amity seems to bring to the people, that didn't stop my nightmares returning and becoming worse. I started to hate the idea of sleeping and at times I would only sleep during the evening and stay up for the rest for the night. I was alone for most of the night, but being alone with your feelings felt like they were dancing in your mind and all you could do is handle. Regardless of trying to control my nightmares, they still returned. They started of as Abnegation's attack and facing my mum once again to Will's death, my Dad's death and the death of anyone who I'd be close to. That death was mainly Four.

Parker and I never spoke of our dad. He left when we were young, we were told by our mum it's what leaders do, they leave for a while and come back after a time, but for Dad, he never returned. As we aged, our hopes gave up on him coming back. When I was six, erudite held a funeral for him, they thought it was the only way to find some closure. I sometimes question if he's dead or alive, but if he was alive, why didn't he come back? We never had a miserable childhood; he was good to us and so was our mum, but the minute he left us, my perception of him changed from love to hatred.

To keep myself busy throughout the day, I mostly helped and played with the children on the farm. There is one young girl, she's seven, Amity born, and her parents died while going out to help abnegation. Her name is Lyla Weber, she's small, with pale skin and brown hopeful eyes, the same colour as her hair. Ever since her parents died, I would help her with her hair, putting it either in a braided bun or plaits.

Lyla was inquisitive, she wanted to know why we were here, why we were endangered and what that meant for the future. Need to remind you she's seven. She told me she doesn't fit in with the other kids, that they don't care what she has to say. Lyla grew a habit of following or helping me around instead of interacting with the other kids. Despite my attempt to encourage her to talk to the others, she wasn't interested.

Like the other mornings, I woke up panting. I had another nightmare. This time about Will. He's all I've been thinking of since we came to amity. Only me and Parker knows what happened to Will. I haven't told anybody. I just miss him. I will never forget his true beauty and spirit.