You Don't Know What I'd Do For You (Love you like oxygen)

twenty-one

*A/N* I know it's been a while, but fear not, I am still alive. It's been kind of a catastrophic week for me, so I do apologize for not uploading in a bit. Fair warning, my exams are coming up relatively soon and I probably won't upload that week either. Anyways, sorry for the wait, let's get on with the chapter. Trigger warnings for this are: bad writing, medical torture I guess, kidnapping (I don't know if that even counts as a trigger warning given the fandom but whatever), implied past sexual abuse, and past self harm. Also, I'm calling this one "chapter 21" even though it's technically the 22nd chapter. But it's because the last chapter was just an A/N, so that's gonna be confusing, but oh well, let me know if I mess it up.

Continued Flashback

It felt wrong, watching them leave, and run, and flee, but not following behind. It felt like giving up, like being tired of running, like laying down and letting yourself finally be caught, just waiting for it to all be over. The fear crept into him, cold tendrils freezing him in place so that he couldn't move. A feeling of impending doom washed over him, rising and rising until it suffocated him completely.

Honestly, it hurt him more than words could ever explain, but he couldn't deny it. Part of him was ready, maybe always had been. Ready to stop trying so hard, ready to stop being scared, ready to take a deep breath and just let it all go. But it hurt to give up, to give in, to let Mikael win in the end. It hurt to abandon  his siblings, to watch them flee together, to feel the bonds that tethered him to them pulled so taut and then to let them snap. It hurt to free himself... knowing that he could never quite escape. He was cutting himself free, not to let himself fly but to let himself fall, to ease the burden so that his siblings weren't weighed down and held back.

Of course, when Mikael did come, it could hardly be called a fight. As hard as Elijah might have tried, he wasn't a match. It was only a matter of seconds before he was daggered once more, slowly fading out of the conscious world and into a much more pleasant one. He just wanted to pretend, pretend that he wouldn't wake up, pretend that he didn't have to care anymore. It was easier than thinking about what would be waiting for him on the other side.

~~~~~

Elijah POV

I was waking up, I always woke up, there was no depth that I could dive into the darkness that immortality could not reach to pull me back into the light again. But I didn't want to be in the light, I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want to stop dreaming. The darkness was inviting, the infinite, empty black, pure and cold but also peaceful and quiet. It felt like drowning in reverse, each breath was deep, but also hollow and held no air. It was empty, and it was endless, and it was nothing and everything all at the same time. It was death, just... taunting and tempting, not permanent, and only for a far too fleeting moment.

My eyes fluttered open as they took in my surroundings. Immediately, I could tell something was wrong, and that was when the memories came flooding back to me. Opera, dagger, Mikael, White Oak stake, Niklaus, Rebekah, Marcel, fire, screaming... They all hit me like a train, one after the other, as it all came rushing back to me. Rebekah and Niklaus escaping, I was staying back to give them more time, leading Mikael on a meandering goose chase, holding out for as long as I could to distract him until my siblings could get away.

I was sitting on the floor, my clothes were torn and bloodied, hanging off of me in ribbons. The room was dark and quiet, there were no windows, gaps between the ground and the bottom of a door let slivers of light in as the only thing that broke up the darkness. My ankles were chained together with just enough slack to walk slowly but not to run and definitely not to use any kind of speed. My right arm was also held tightly in a cuff that was then loosely chained to the wall.

Looking over, I found my left arm limply hanging at my side, feeling so heavy and sore that I wasn't sure I could move it, the shoulder was most definitely dislocated in some way. On the inside of my wrist, an IV was tightly held in place with metal bands that dug into my skin. Hazily, my consciousness blurring yet again, I followed the white tube far up above my head to a large bag hung on a hook, too tall for me to reach it even if I had enough chain length to stand up. Steadily, a translucent, green-tinged fluid dripped from the bag, down the tube and trickled into my body, it burned terribly and smelled of vervain, probably with some other poison laced in.

As the vervain mixed in my bloodstream, my strength dissipated entirely. Without even trying, I knew there was no conceivable way I would be able to free myself, not even from the IV, much less from the chains. Taking a deep breath, I let myself ease back against the wall, closing my eyes to try and abate the fire that erupted from my wrist with every drop from the tube. I made sure to stay quiet though, Mikael didn't need to know that I was awake yet.

Even just the memory of Mikael's touch made my skin crawl in waves. I had to grit me teeth and dig my fingernails into my palm to stop myself from trying to claw off the feeling. It wouldn't help anyway, it never did, I just ended up scratching and tearing the skin off over and over again in an attempt to get rid of the sensation. There was something satisfying about it though, kind of a sharp relief, just for a second, but it was addicting all the same. My siblings had no idea what went on, I never let them see. They didn't understand it, I hoped they never would.

Acceptance, I reminded myself again and again. I had to just accept, just let it be, let the pieces fall as they may and not attempt to tamper with it. My siblings had made it, Niklaus, Rebekah, Kol, even Finn, they were safe now, I had protected them. That was what I had promised, that they would be safe, not Marcel, not the innocents in the opera house, not me. They had escaped, that was what was important, not what had happened to Marcel, not what had happened to the citizens, not whatever would happen to me. I was not what mattered right now.

No matter what pain awaited me in my time here, no matter what Mikael had in store, the fact that my siblings had escaped it would always be worth this price. No matter, I reminded myself again and again, promising it, vowing it, giving my word to the universe and fate herself. No matter how badly it hurt, no matter how heavy the burden became, no matter what happened. No matter whether they looked for me endlessly or whether they moved on without a care in the world. No matter what Mikael asked or offered. No matter.

Family above all, above ends to torturous days, above cures to horrible suffering. I had vowed, and for the sake of all that I had left in the world, I would keep it, always and forever, no matter how long...

*A/N* Lmao, I'm so sorry guys, I tried, I swear, I am a good writer, I just had to get out of this scene and back into the actual story. *deep breath to deal with the cringe* Alright, thank you for reading, so sorry this took forever, if you have not already, please do not forget to vote, your support means the world! By the way, I got a really good comment on the last chapter about something I forgot to mention so I'm going to say it now. If I do end up not being able to upload on Wattpad because of technical difficulties, all chapters for all of my fanfictions are also up on a03, the only things that will not be up on there are any of my original works. If I am able, I will continue to upload chapters of this story and future stories on a03 while I try to get Wattpad up and working again. So, if you want to continue with this book of any of my other fanfiction works, you can hopefully find them on there, I use the same username. Thank you so much, see you in the next chapter!

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