You Don't Know What I'd Do For You (Love you like oxygen)

thirty

*A/N* Heyyyyy bitches. So, the overall consensus from the last chapter was that we should do Kol next, and I'm a people pleaser, so we're doing it. I am so sorry this took forever, but, like, who the hell's idea was it for me to write two books at the same time, because they were an idiot (P.S it was me, I was the idiot). Anyway, I wanted to add a bit more backstory in this and flesh the story out a little bit more, so we're gonna do that this chapter, I know I said it would be fluff, but, like, it's the Mikaelsons you guys, okay? Also, like, 30 chapters, that is insane, and on Halloween night no less, thank you so much to everyone for reading, I love you all dearly. Trigger warnings for this chapter are: torture, abuse, implied r*pe, gore, PTSD, and just so much angst holy fuck.

Kol POV

It was 3AM, but my brain refused rest, despite my body's protests. My eyes felt dry as sandpaper, all of my muscles were stiff, a pounding headache hammered against my skull from the exhaustion and from all the days that sleep had not come, but I still couldn't bring myself to lie down for a few hours. My anxiety spun itself around in circles, whirling and tangling until my nerves were practically buzzing with trapped, desperate energy. I had been pacing for hours now, first back and forth in front of my bed, then in circles around the room, then up and down the hall, until I was walking laps around the entire compound in an attempt to calm myself and gather my thoughts. With my vampirism, the witch in me had left, but the restlessness hadn't, the untameable and wild nature of magic had stayed, true in my bones.

It was during one of such pacing rounds that, in my unfocused state, I wandered down the hall that led to Elijah's room. It was a familiar route, it was where my body carried me in search of someone with whom to share the weight only for my mind to refuse to ask for help and send me back on my way. I know that he would never turn me away, or slam the door in my face, that he would never ridicule my weakness, that he would never shame me for being unable to carry the burdens that he seemed to bear so effortlessly. But, I still always got cold feet whenever I got too close to actually going through with it.

The possibility alone of Elijah rejecting me was a subconscious fear that lay deep within myself. I knew that I would never be able to cope without him, but it wasn't the thought of him dying that scared me, it was the thought of him leaving. I had never lost my parents, I had never watched Esther and Mikael change after Freya had been taken. An abusive father, and a neglecting mother, and a distant eldest brother, and a cold, lonely household was what I had always known. But I had also known Elijah, comforting, and caring, and safe, and all the things that he readily provided so that I never felt the emptiness in my life that had been meant to be filled by loving parents. But because I had known him like that, I know that I could never cope with ever watching him change and grow distant or watching him leave and give up on all of us. No matter how much we all deserved it.

My feet brought me to a stop in front of the door to Elijah's room, my anxiety suddenly going still as the whole world went quiet. Slowly, deliberately, my hand reached out to move the mountain, I broke through the impenetrable barrier, twisting the handle to move the latch aside as all the walls fell away. Even as I pushed the door open, I was convincing myself that he wouldn't send me back into the hall, that he wouldn't refuse me, that he would never be upset that I had come to see him. He promised, my mind supplied, repeating it over and over, although it sounded more like a desperate plea, he promised he would stay.

Elijah POV

I jolted awake in bed, my heart beating out of my chest and my breathing panicked as the images and memories flashed through my mind. The nightmares found me every night without fail, hunting me down no matter where I might lie. They were another one of Mikael's parting gifts, something that kept me tethered to him forever, never really able to escape. It was there every time I closed my eyes, the blood, the metal, the cage, the cold, damp basements, the vervain, the feeling of being so close to getting away only to be dragged back into the dark. I knew that Mikael found solace in it, in the fact that he could torture me from afar, that I dealt with the aftermath quietly and it was something only known between the two of us, a lasting imprint that was the only evidence of what he had done.