Ruthless Sweetness (SELF PUBLISHED)

1# W R E C K E D

July, 10:37 am..

I can breathe. I can breathe better when I'm not in that building, my home, people call bricked buildings a sweet home some find comfort in it some don't, I am one that doesn't. 17 years and 30 days I've been in that so-called "home" and I haven't experienced comfort, warmness, sweetness or at least an excited feeling for dinner surrounded by my so-called family. I never felt the love from my father respect, trust or right from my father it feels like my father is dead. And this monster who I call "my father" is not my father and is just an imposter and my real father is on a long road coming home one day. Today I am outside. On a Sunday morning, the sky is bright and blue filled with clouds that look like white roses scattered around. I came to buy flowers actually, for myself, yes I buy myself flowers and there's no tragic case to it or upsetting, I enjoy it I adore buying flowers for myself and I believe in this theory "if they buy you flowers with hatred, your flowers will die quicker " the flowers I buy myself last up weeks even months, I buy them with love, July morning. The sun is hitting me in my face as I walk down the new york streets admiring everything until I have the time. The old street lights, the smell of cinnamon in the air from the bakery just 10 feet away from me, little kid's voices, happy kids, happy adults, the bucket of pink roses that my arms are wrapped around, the warm summer breeze dancing around my bare shoulders, the smell of my favourite flowers right in my face, the broken car- broken car?
A young man looking around my age, dark blonde hair on his head and they glisten from the daylight of the glowing sun. His eyes. His eyes are so glorious, green. So green a rich shade of jade green the sunlight in his eyes makes them sparkle so bright just like the blue sea that looks like green when the sun of Italian summer hits the sea..his eyes are low the so-called "dead eyes". He's tall. He's looking at his black Maserati as it blows black smoke, a hand caught in his low-intensity of golden hair, his other hand holding a phone to his ear and he has a dissatisfied look on his face as he looks at the wrecked car. this can't be good. I want to help him in a way I don't even know
my legs slowly walk towards the man and I don't know what the sweet mother of Jesus I'm doing...
as I get closer to him I can hear a language I can really under- ah! Italian. He's shouting in Italian on the phone. I'm close to him.
"excuse me sir..?" why am I asking this? his hard expression changed as soon as his face met mine. it's like his completely frustrated gaze softens he's tripping over his words in front of me and gets the phone away from his ear
"yeah, darling?"
darling.
"is everything alright sir? you seem like you're struggling"
"yes don't you worry..my car is just acting up today"
"well you can take my father's card from the dealership, he's really good." I lie. I'm forced to hand out his dealership cards to more customers.
"thank you. you don't find people as nice as this these days."
I heard a lot about this man his name is Iglesias but he doesn't know that I know that. I only know his name because of what everybody says about him, he's a monster, he's ruthless, heartless, selfish, and vicious but they don't apply to me, I don't believe it what did he even do? I nodded with them and agreed with them even though I never agreed with them because deep down I always held into this"he's done nothing " "he's misunderstood" "Maybe he has a heart" I never said these to anyone if I did they won't be friendly they won't look at me the same.
"and by the way- don't call me sir it's okay" he says interrupting my thoughts.
"Okay. Can I call you Maserati guy instead" I say jokingly
"oh so you heard.." he says while looking down at his car wheel with a half smile
"yeah...I heard but- I don't think of you the same i-i actually think that you're just a little misunderstood- and you look like the guy who prefers to bottle up his feelings-" he looks at me in absolute disbelief, shocked emotion in his eyes and he opens his mouth but nothing comes out of his mouth, he looks away and scoffs, looks around the place- I think I said too much.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to"
"don't worry. don't apologize, just walk away and pretend like you never ran into me have a great day darling"
"It's been a pleasure meeting you why would I forget about it??"
"end of discussion goody two shoes people will assume that I'm upsetting you in a way I hope I'm not if they see us together. go. have a wonderful day "
he wants me to leave. is it because I said what I thought of him or I am just stressing him over doing absolutely nothing I need to go now I nod and I turn and walk myself home like that never happen
As I walk and I get farther and farther from him I walk and walk till I face the gate of my house. My bodyguard gasp when they see me and they question me why I haven't told them to drive me around town if I wanted to go shopping, I don't want that, I do not want to be in this car and driven to my destination, I want to walk there, to see the nature and enjoy walking by myself alone.
However, I get inside and I place my flowers on the counter and my mother sees me
"Amore mio! Where have you been ?"
"Oh mama I went to buy flowers, and they restocked them again what do you think?"
"Oh, they are beautiful!" She smiles at me as she touches my flowers and looks down at them and back at me" What took you so long" her face drops. "I was-just-" Just what?" A cold sharp deep and hollow voice I hear. My father. "Where were you "
"To buy flowers." "What else" "What?" "WHAT ELSE." "I bumped into a man."
He scoffs and looks around and back at me
"Oh yeah? How many of my cards did you hand out to people" Not this again no. I don't respond because I completely forgot to give out random strangers his dealership cards I only gave it to him. "Speak. " " 1 person" "That's funny, why didn't they call"
"Who did you give it to?" "Please Valerio how could she know it was stranger-" "You shut up" "Talk. Who was it." I choke into my words and I know if I tell him who was it he's not gonna be happy with it but I can't just stay quiet here because it will be worse. "A man with a Maserati" "Ohhh" he starts laughing so hard and he looks so disgusting with it. He takes a tight breath and his face goes blank he looks down at my shoes and the last thing I knew. He punched me harshly in my right cheekbone, with a disgusting look on his face.
I hear screams, again.
I can't even cry anymore because fucking hell I'm used to this.
My eyes get heavy and they fall deeply and all I see is just pitch darkness.
And my eyes creep open close a little and open again I blink a couple of times to adjust the blurry vision I have, I look around to see four walls, four grey walls with a massive 6 feet long wooded door really? this again. This cant be I get up quickly rush to the door to see if it's unlocked. It's locked. There's a thin mattress and a torn-apart blanket on it no pillow. Oh, I remember this place too well. More than I know myself more than I know my full name. This is my punishment for the longest I know. The pain just rushed through me just now since I moved so quickly without thinking a stinging pain swirling in my ribs and my spine and my face and the first thing I tasted was my own blood from my lip. Kinda crazy to say how I know the taste of blood better than my favourite ice cream flavour. What can I do now? nothing. I just sit here on this painful mattress till my punishment is over, which I do not know when but I don't care I have no big plans except school, guess my old man will have to call the school to tell them that I'm sick Yea, he's right im so sick so fucking sick to the stomach I look away when I see your face it's disgusting Father, it is. I wrap myself in this stupid useless blanket and curl up into a ball and force shut my eyes close so I cannot hear his voice arguing with my mother or his footsteps. Normally at 14 years old, I would cry when this would happen, but no not again I've learned how to show no emotion and stop crying it only made me weaker and more naive, however, I'm too numb to cry now. I've been fooled too many times by my own tears, giving me a message saying "You're in pain. Cry more cry now cry cry cry " but no. I only listen to myself and myself only. My eyes blink slowly and I can almost see my lashes blank and pitch black. I fell asleep.
...

IGLESIASFucking Valerio Valencia. Oh, that's just so hilarious who could have believed that Valerio has a little pretty daughter? Who the fuck does he think he is to make me such a fool like this? If he wanna fight he should come to my face and let me break every screwed-up bone in his body and not send little girls and pay them to tell me that she is his daughter. I wonder how much he paid that girl, I wonder what he's doing to her, I wonder if she's from his mafia or if he's holding her hostage I do not have a clue in the world but all I wanna do right now I go to wherever valerio is right now and tore him apart with my own hands. Who was that girl? why did she talk to me like that? Those words. She looked too innocent to pretend however, still didn't trust her when she works with him .but seriously who is she? This was a trap and I feel disrespected.
My car broke. I try to calm myself down but thinking about calming down makes me want to break the car even more. I don't know what Romeo did to it this morning but I do not admire it right now. He said that he'll be here in half an hour, I scrunch the postcard the girl gave me from Valerio, it says his name on it that's how I found out, I drop it to the ground. I lit a cigarette and take a deep puff out of it as the morning breeze hits me and all I can do right now is lean back in my car and look at my shoes, the sky or the cracked road that leads to miles and miles but right now all I'm looking at is nothing I'm too deep in my mind and my thoughts to focus on something, too many thoughts I can't even name them, catch them or even think about them a thought is saying something to me and I try to catch what it said but no, it runs away and comes another and another and all I can do is a question and let these little voices I imagine in my mind take over I swear to god the voices wouldn't shut up, and as I smoke this tobacco into my lungs. Inhaling disgusting things that make me feel good and exhale, those voices slowly burn down one by one like acid on flesh. The voices seem to quiet.
My car has been towed,and I came home
I need to tell to tell my father about valerio even though i don't want him into my business but maybe he is somehow involved with this. "Father we need to talk"
He's in his chair , in his office at a desk, looking at some papers with a pen in his hand. "What is it now?" I pull a chair and sit in front if him. "I think Valerio is targeting me again, us." A smug smirk appears on his face and rises an eyebrow. "And what are you scared of him?" "I never fucking said I was scared" he blows out a breath and looks away "How do you know?" "He send a little girl to send me his card with his name and number on it " "Are you kidding me ? he paid her to say that she's his daughter since when does Valerio has a daughter ?!" "Get out" "What?!" "get out of my face, now" I knew I shouldn't have come here in the first place just wasted my time, i don't have any more time to argue with the bastard again, I get up and get to my room, I sit into my chair and stare at my shoes, my desk and my journal, I hesitate before I pick it up and flip it open, grab my pen and just write whatever comes to my mind first.
I journal when I'm stressed ,but not always,i don't always have control over my emotions especially when I'm angry , and i do stuff i didnt intend to , I remember killing one of my father's recruits once because I was pissed and he tried to correct me however, he was weak anyways I sensed his weakness for years. Who was that girl? Why did she had thise heartfelt words

Iget out to drive to calm myself down till sunset sets. I hate sleeping i never sleep it become a habit of my life

Who is that girl?