Ruthless Sweetness (SELF PUBLISHED)

#17 Desire

IGLESIAS

she's sleeping.
she's lying next to me again in my bed, whatever she's doing, she never fails to look like an angel.

she looks beautiful in every situation,she looks too peaceful, her hair so smooth on her head that looks almost more expensive than gold, her chest heaving slowly as she breathes .
Her left arm is under her and her hand is placed on the bed,her legs are curled ,and her face is more relaxed than I ever saw her.

I watch her closely, so close that I even notice her lashes, I count every breath she takes and I study her, i study how she randomly furrows her brows and then they relax again,how her back slowly rises along her breaths, the slow relaxing sound of her intakes of breaths , like a melody to me.

Her hands are so small, and her wrist is tiny, and its sending shivers up my spine at the idea of how easily i can snap her little arm in half.

Shes so fragile , shes exactly like a porcelain doll,shes beautiful,but i have a massive fear that i might break her.

I don't want to ever want to hurt her again,or even scare her,i want her to feel safe around me ,i want her to know that i will spend every breath of mine protecting her,and not putting her in danger.

I scared her off,i fucking threatened her,i put my own fucking gun to her head , not just i scared her,i made her lose all the trust she had for me,i think i traumatized her,and i won't forget myself for doing that,not today,not ever.

I had been given a second chance by both god and Elvira.

And i wont fuck it up.
Not again ,because i know, that i won't get another chance to fix everything if i fuck it up again.

I wouldn't deserve another chance.

I still can't get over the fact that she's here ,that she's back.

I sit up straight on the bed slowly trying not to wake her up

I look over at her as she's sleeping, and her breaths are so slow to the point I get scared that she isn't breathing.

"I tried to hate you Elvira ,so much"
I whisper so slowly not to wake her up but loud enough for me to hear .

"But I can't ,it pains me to hate you " I say in a poor whispers and my voice breaks

"I care about you more than you think,more than I ever cared for anyone. "

"I don't want to hurt you ever again."

"I want to change for you, I want to become a better person for you."

"And I will"

I never thought I would say these words out loud.

I take a deep breath as soon as I feel my throat closing after saying these words, and I mean them, every one of them. I'm going to be a better person for her.

I lay back down as I force my eyes to close,my heart is racing, I haven't slept for so long, and when I did , I would always dream of her and I would wake up shaking too hard.
Night terrors.
Nightmares.
They were slowly coming back one by one even though they weren't welcome,i stopped sleeping again,i felt unsafe,i always felt unsafe what am i saying? I wasn't feeling comfortable sleeping until insomnia slowly kicked in, so I would stay up in my bed until sunrise,letting my thoughts eat me alive

But now this aura feels too safe , too warm , her aura is so soothing.

I feel safe,like i never did before,she makes me comfortable, it's strange and weird, disturbing too,how a person can take the weight off my shoulders and seal my worries.
I never thought i would find a cure for all this fuckery ,but now i did, and its her

The more I think about it the heavier my eyelids get, today was funny wasn't it?

It wasn't a coincidence because it was god , he made us meet again , it's never luck, it's god.

I would thank that man so much right now if he were in front of me

This is a second chance to make things better.

To me it's like a second chance to live,because during those weeks without her,i didn't felt life in me or the mornings or anything, until i saw her again,today.

Heavier eyelids. I fall asleep.

A/N: THANK YOU ALL FOR 5K READS THIS IS INSANE.

this is a bonus chapter.

Because we hit 5 THOUSAND views

Right now, i am 10 chaoters away from completing the WHOLE book.

Which will be 300 pages.

But i have to edit it. Alot and alot of effort because the book my book will be worldwide in the world for everyone to read and buy and i dont want it to be any little mistake.

This is not the official release date , but ot might be on October 18 2023.

It will be on amazon and other platform to order i woll tell you all

Any questions ? PLEASE ASKKKK

I LOVE YOU ALL!!🖤🖤