Ruthless Sweetness (SELF PUBLISHED)

#16 unexpected

IGLESIAS

it's been I don't know how long ever since I found out that she left,I'm so lost these days that I don't even know what planet I'm on, I don't even know the date , the time, the day or if the month has changed "it's Saturday today". and I will be looking at Romeo like I am a totally insane ,I thought it was Tuesday. I haven't been focusing at all, my work, the stock that has to be shipped , the scandal , nothing. I've been trapped inside of an haze , a haze that even if someone shakes me-I still won't fully get out of it.I was going to stick with the panic attack pills but I couldn't hold it anymore, my body has consumed a lot of alcohol and I don't know how I can still stand, I look at my self in the mirror , only to realise that I've lost weight , I can see my ribs more visibly now and bone structure in my face is sharper,and it always been sharp but this is enough for me to see that I've lost weight , I look horrible, my eyes are lower than usual ,I don't have appetite for anything, no rush of adrenaline like I always did , I am completely empty, I've always been confident, all my life even when I was at my worst , still confident,but right now I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I can't look longer, it's disturbing, I look away.
It's disgusting, the thought of her being gone is disgusting , I would distract myself by signing the shipping paperwork's that is basically part of my day but I lost track of it,everytime I would get myself drunk, throw up in the bathroom until I can't breathe , or drive to a 5 hour destination just to drive back to my house.
I can't miss her , I hate myself for missing her , because I had all this time to make her feel like she is worth it and that I care for her , but all I did was the opposite, and when she left,I decided to be selfish and want her back? No , she decided to go back to her father, after he abuses her ,after she hates him, after she heard what he did to Maria.
I need to focus.
I button up my shirt before I get out of my room ,I bump into Romeo while so.
"Can you fucking walk straight " I rise my tone at him
"excuse me? Have you seen the way you were walking? In zig zags."
I squint my eyes and run my hand through my hair as I look behind me, concerned if I was actually walking like that or if Romeo is just being a dick.
"Was I?" I breath out I say resting my hand on my head
"Yeah man-did you at least eat anything? "
"Don't fucking start" I say walking off frustrated in a fast pace ,I'm so sick of him looking at me like I'm dying, or others looking at me in concern, I shouldn't be pitted , I am fine, I'm just being an idiot that's what the fuck I'm doing, I can't get my head to focus,i need to sharpen my mind ,I need to get myself together. Romeo runs back at me to catches up
"Okay , I won't do that anymore just-there's an Cuban scandal in the main room."
"What?!"
"Come on quick "
I rush to the investigation room.

"Ay hombre, where the fuck is my money?"
Not long until I grabbed him by his rustled shirt and pushed him hard into the wall
"Yeah? Your money? What fucking money?" I hiss through out my teeth as my body ignites in anger.
"T-the stock is lost" he chokes out breathlessly as my hand i around his neck eliminating every little breath of his fucked up lungs.
I hesitate before letting him go, I back away and pinch the bridge of my nose as I close my eyes I'm frustration
"Track the stock". I say to my gang members not looking up
"I'm sorry?" My recruit speaks up causing me to look up at them in disbelief .
"YOU CAN'T HEAR ME NOW? TRACK THE FUCKING STOCK AND SEE WHERE IT IS". I shout already losing control ,as the blood simmering in my body already boils,fucking useless bastards, if I'm not here for at-least a day, they will ruin my whole mafia career, burn down the base, let in my enemies.
I cant say that I don't like being in charge , because I would rather be the leader than a follower, I have always been a leader in life and I'm never going to be a follower .
"Uh looks like it's in Puerto Rico right now..." Rivaldo says as he looks up from the computer,I turn to look back at this Cuban mess

"See? It's not fucking lost you will get it in a week , you ever come to my base and I cut you in pieces and feed you to your children, leave ."