Big Love • Alcina Dimitrescu

8.

It's been 3 whole days since my revelation that I am madly in love with Lady Alcina Dimitrescu.

I have been holed up in my room pretending to be sick and not leaving unless necessary, thinking endlessly about how I'm going to deal with this situation. I have been weighing the pros and cons out non-stop. A massive con is that she might not even like me back. I don't think I could survive seeing her every other week if that were true. I'm just going to have to face up to my feelings. Or ignore her until I convince myself that I'm not insanely in love with my fellow Lord.

Despite my current plan to not even think about Alcina Dimitrescu and to ignore her for however long it takes to get over her, I am currently wrapped in my blankets and cuddling up to the leather jacket she gifted me, which still smells exactly like her. Her scent is unlike anything I've ever smelled before. To describe it would be doing injustice. She has such a rich, unique scent with a hint of vinegary red wine and roses.

I took a massive inhale of the jacket's fur just as a knock sounded on my door. I scrambled to hide the jacket under my pillow and coughed a weak 'come in', I'm pretty sure Donna doesn't believe that I'm actually sick, but I know she's too sweet to call me out on it. I love my sister.

"Donna told me you weren't doing well," the lady of my dreams calls out into my dark room, "So I thought I'd stop by to see how you're doing," 

Surely she's not here right now, my mind must be playing tricks on me. I peeked up from behind the blanket and surely enough. There stood my angel herself, Alcina,

"Hey," I rasped out, "You didn't have to come all this way," I'm right, she didn't but she did because that's the kind of caring person that she is. It's these tiny things she does that give me a glimpse of hope, that makes me think maybe she reciprocates my feelings. But I know that's just wishful thinking on my behalf. She doesn't like me like that. Just over a month ago, she was very clear about her feelings toward me. It doesn't matter if that was over a month ago, we haven't spent that much time together, I am making a big deal out of nothing. I'm just being silly. I am making a big song and dance out of someone attractive showing me even the slightest bit of attention.

"Are you ok?" Alcina asked suddenly, reaching her hand out and touching my forehead, the exact forehead she kissed 4 days ago, "You don't have a fever?"

"I must be getting better," I wheezed as she sat on the wooden chair by my bedside,

"Yeah, you must be," She smiled at me, "It must've been being out in the rain in a dress, and then coming back to my cold castle,"

"No, I'm sure it wasn't that," I reassured her. I don't want her feeling guilty for making me sick when I'm not even sick,

"I have a nasty habit of letting the rooms go cold since I don't go in many of them, honestly the maids should be on top of it, that's what I employ them for and now you're sick because my maids can't do their jobs and I can't keep a good eye on them to make sure they're doing their jobs," she spiralled,

"No, Cina. It is not that, it is not your fault. It was the rain, you can't control the weather," I laughed at her whilst reaching out to grab her hand, "It's the flu, it's hardly a life threatening disease, I'll be fine in a couple of days,"

"The flu does kill people actually," Alcina stated, very matter of factly,

"The flu kills old people and babies, I am in neither of those age groups, in case you haven't noticed," I joked, earning the tiniest smile from her, "I can assure you that give a couple of days and I will be the good old me, okay?"

"Okay," Alcina smiled at me. I tell you what, for a fake cold I am embodying the role. I do feel terrible for lying to her though, I really do. I feel horrible, "Well, I just wanted to see if this was the last time I would ever see you. I've got to go now, a ton of work to do," Alcina stood from the chair and walked to the door of my room, she paused and turned to look me in the eyes, "I hope you get better soon, I don't think I could live if you were to die,"

"Stop being so dramatic," I laughed, "I'm going to be fine,"

"I'll see you later," Alcina blew a kiss at me and closed my bedroom door.

I waited to hear her goodbyes to Donna and then to stop hearing her retreating footsteps before I turned around in my bed and let the tears come streaming down my face. How am I in this situation? I am so madly in love with this woman who barely even considers me family and I'm so obsessed with her that she is my every waking thought and even haunts my dreams. And I've just lied right to her face. I don't know! I need to get this off of my chest. I need to tell someone, I need advice from someone who will give it to me straight.

[Rewritten]