Youth | Gyuhao

- 29

| Chapter Twenty - Nine — Equivalent |

Minghao can't breathe.

Storming into the station, he can't breathe.

It feels like his lungs have collapsed. Like his body is purely running on the very adrenaline that's making him hyperventilate.

He feels like he's been stabbed. Like he's been shot dead or burned alive.

He feels cold. Like an angel has washed their pretty white holy water all over him. He feels like he's been wiped clean. Like the angels have guided him into feeling numb from any other sort of feeling besides genuine heartbreak.

It comes in waves.

Disbelief.

"Leaving?" Minghao's 100% failed to hide the shakiness in his voice.

"Yes." Mingyu says, "I just— Even if you didn't ever wanna speak to me again, I wanted to tell you before I go. It's the right thing to do."

"You're leaving?" Minghao still hasn't moved on, repeating the words like a mantra in his head, like he can't believe this is really happening.

Desperation.

"You can't just show up after I fucking bail you out of an overnight cell for hurting me and then tell me you're leaving." He says, "That hurts me all over again."

"Minghao—"

"No. No, you—" Minghao holds a hand to his chest, "You can't do this to me. It isn't fair."

Sadness.

"I should be hurting you. Not the other way around. This shit— It— It isn't fair. This isn't—" Minghao's forgotten how to talk, he's sure of it, "You can't leave and win just like that. No, I— I still had so much I needed to do to you."

Finally— Anger.

"I'll see you around?" Mingyu hums, already taking steps back. Minghao can tell he really wants to leave, even if faking a smile was the key for it.

"I hope not." Minghao's being too harsh for this to be a goodbye. But he can't stop himself. He so desperately wishes that he could.

Mingyu visibly deflates.

He's not crying yet, but is very much on the verge, Minghao could tell. Anyone could.

"Goodbye, Xu Minghao."

"Get out of here." Minghao's like a reptile spitting venom. He hates himself.

Minghao's been playing their conversation in his head like a mantra ever since Mingyu left him alone that horrible, chilly night.

So he storms into the police station with some sort of purpose.

He has plans to fulfill, a target that he's been thinking about knocking down these past couple of days after rotting alone in his house.

"Where the hell have you been?" Junhui looks surprised when he sees Minghao, jaw dropping, "Jesus, you look like shit."

"Where's Soonyoung?" Minghao was trying to hide the genuine tremble in his hands, settling for the action of slipping them into the warm cavern of his pockets.