My stomach turns when I see that indeed, Alex is waiting on the rocks.
It's one in the morning – that's how long it took for me to muster the courage to leave my room.
Clouds have darkened the sky, there's no star- or moonlight to light my path. But I'm grateful for the dark. Because the darker it is, the lower the risk of anybody seeing me.
Right now, the thicket of the surrounding bushes and trees makes it even harder for anybody to spot me.
I try swallowing the knot in my throat, but to no avail. My fist clenches around the small bundle of fabric I brought. The bikini and Alex's shirt.
I'm scared and I don't have a clue what I'm scared of. I want to run but I know that in the end, I won't let myself. There's only the way forward.
Slowly, I sit down and untie my laces. It doesn't take long and I'm fully undressed. I put on the clothes I brought before wading into the water. It feels weird, but I know that won't last.
Soon, the knot dissolves and fear gives way to a calm sense of resignation.
Selena is braver than Timothy.
Calm and steady movements carry me through the water. Despite the circumstances, I enjoy it.
I love swimming. It's truly a shame that I won't be going near the lake as Selena ever again. The risk is too high to go swimming again, after this. I might spend time with Isa as Selena, but that's not certain either.
There isn't much time left. Only three more days before the comet leaves. And it'll take this part of me with it. This part of me. No longer a curse or a source of fear and insecurity. The person I become when my body changes from Timothy's to Selena's is the better version of myself. I know that. I just hope that it won't leave with this body I'm wearing right now.
Alex sees me coming, but he doesn't say a word as I draw near. He sits leaning against the rock in the place I used to sit in, a dark towel around his shoulders. He must've brought it in a trash bag so he won't get sick for real.
The moment I climb out of the water's comforting embrace, the knot in my throat is back. Not even Selena's bravery can make this any easier now.
He offers me the towel and I take it, but I don't dry myself. I simply hold it in my lap as droplets of water run down my back and stomach and arms.
"I'm sorry," I say then. It comes out a little weird.
He raises his eyes to meet mine, but the contact doesn't last long.
"What for?" He tries one of his grins and it's almost convincing.
"I'm sorry that I ran off like that. I'm sorry that I didn't come back earlier. I'm sorry for leading you on like that."
He looks up at the last part. Confusion gives way to realisation and his shoulders sag just a little.
"Oh, so you... never..." He doesn't finish the sentence, but he also doesn't need to.
"No, no!" I hurry to clarify. "That's not what I meant! I mean..." I can't will myself to say I love you, even though I would mean it. At this moment, it is clear as day. But it would only make everything worse. "You're a great guy," I say instead. "And I'm truly grateful for being allowed to get to know you. These nights we spent out here were amazing!" I mean it, every single word. But it's only a part of the whole story.
"But you don't love me, do you? Not really." His voice is sober. But other than Isa's voice earlier, his has reproach in it. There is pain, too.
I glance at him helplessly. My chest hurts.
YOU ARE READING
Moonlit Waters
Romance"I'm just scared somehow that you're not even real." "And what if I wasn't? What if I wasn't, but wanted to be?" When Timothy Crow gets the ability to turn into a girl whenever he goes swimming, his first reaction is to panic, resulting in his near...
