Isa and I stay at Shay's for a few more hours. We talk about all sorts of meaningless things. Both of them seem to have come to the conclusion that that's a great way to help me regain a little normalcy and it seems to work. We eat cake and Shay tells me a lot about trans culture and how people usually transition if they don't have a magical comet show up and help out. Isa and Shay seem to be getting along fine. They don't seem like they're going to be best friends for the rest of their lives – unsurprisingly so, with how differently their personalities work – but for the time being they can keep a conversation going and even laugh at each other's jokes.
Eventually, though, Shay has to go to work and Isa and I take the bus home. It's early afternoon by the time we arrive and I stop when I first catch sight of our front door because Alex is standing right in front of it. He must've rang the bell a few seconds ago and now Pearl opens it for him and she says something and points at us. He turns and for a moment we're caught blankly staring at each other, then he raises his arm to wave.
"C'mon," Isa says encouragingly. "Let's go, before he runs off again."
That's enough to snap me out of it.
It feels weird, walking towards him, not even a day after he told me that he needed time.
"Hi," he says, a little awkwardly and puts out his arms to hug me. It doesn't last long, it doesn't feel anything like the hugs we used to share, but he does it and I don't understand the world.
"Hi," I stammer once he's let go of me again, face growing hot. Isa is next to me and they hug, too, but it seems like they do it for completeness' sake more than anything.
"I made lemonade," Alex says with a small smile. "And sandwiches. I thought we could... go to the waterfall together and... I don't know... Just..."
He blushes and I turn towards Isa.
"Sorry, would you mind...?"
She shakes her head hurriedly. "'Course not! Where do you want me to wait?"
So I go outside and he follows me awkwardly and I close the door behind us and take him a few steps further.
"I'm confused," I say, my face still hot.
He doesn't meet my eyes.
"Sorry..."
"You have nothing to apologise for," I say with irritation, remembering what Shay had said earlier.
I feel like I have the responsibility to shout at you for it because he's not going to, is he?
"Just... Please tell me what you're trying to achieve, so that we're both on the same page about what we're even doing here. I'd love to go to the waterfall with you and Isa, but... Let's please not make the mistake of thinking that we can get over this by just not talking?"
"I... It's... I thought helping you past... whatever you're going through right now, that should come first right now."
"Oh." Right. Why did I expect him to think of nothing but what I did to him? Catch up, girl, this is Alex you're talking about! "So that's it..." Still, I'd been hoping.
"No, that's not it. I mean, that's..." He pauses, pinches the bridge of his nose in between thumb and index finger. "I'm literally unable to talk for some reason."
"Take your time."
He pauses, inhales, opens his mouth, halts. "I'm here because I care, is what I mean to say. I care about you and I care about us. I'm here to help you and if it makes all this easier if we spend time together because of this and I realise that really I don't care about what you said... I'm fine with it.
YOU ARE READING
Moonlit Waters
Romance"I'm just scared somehow that you're not even real." "And what if I wasn't? What if I wasn't, but wanted to be?" When Timothy Crow gets the ability to turn into a girl whenever he goes swimming, his first reaction is to panic, resulting in his near...
