Sleep is restless. Several times throughout the night I wake up with a start, surfacing from dreams I don't remember. But every single time, Pearl is there, snuggled against me, my arm around her stomach. And she is sleeping and her breathing is even and there's just something about this scene of innocence that helps me calm down and drift back to sleep.
But Pearl can't stay forever. Come morning, Mum comes in and wakes her and she wriggles out of my embrace. I move to get up, too, but Mum tells me that I can stay home today if I'm not feeling up to the task of returning to school. So I stay because I really don't.
I try to go back to sleep and I think I succeed for some time. But then I get restless.
Alex's words have worn out their meaning through hours of silent repetition. Maybe it's the adrenaline that has finally worn off.
Doubts are starting to creep in. I know it is stupid to question his words not even a day after he's uttered them and still I can't help it.
Because Claire wasn't that far off, was she? That's the worst about it.
I get up and head for my closet. The doors open easily and for a moment I stare at the neat stacks of clothes. Girl's clothes.
You're not a woman, you're not a trans woman. You are nothing, Timothy.
The thought of putting on anything remotely girly makes me feel sick.
The thought that she was the one to make me like these things. It so easily became a part of me.
Because you're nothing, Timothy.
With a shiver, I grab for a pair of loose jeans and a plain black T-shirt.
I don't look at the mirror as I put on new underwear and clothes, don't even dare look down my body.
Ignore it.
I let go of the T-shirt, leaving it dangling around my neck and hectically scan my room for my headphones.
Where?
There, on the nightstand.
Put them in. Connect them to my phone. Open Spotify. Anything. Just sound. Noise. Turn up the volume. Louder. Louder. Until I don't hear the voice.
Pictures.
Claire laughing hysterically, rolling around the mud.
Close eyes. Concentrate. Sing along in my head.
Better.
I know Reyna was right. I shouldn't let myself be alone right now, but who's there to be around?
Pearl didn't look like she wanted to leave my side, but she didn't have a choice. Mum and Dad have to work, Alex is taking care of his own problems. His own problems I created.
So who's there to be around?
I turn on my phone. Several unread messages. I swipe them away without looking who they're from. It's not Alex.
For a moment I scroll around my contact list, earnestly considering going to Reyna and just sitting next to her as she works. But then I open Whatsapp to ask her and see the picture Shay sent me and it barely takes me a second to decide. I'm still wearing the bracelet, its weight comfortingly heavy around my wrist.
Hey, I know this must sound weird but... Can I come over?
Yo, hi
Didn't expect to hear from you again
YOU ARE READING
Moonlit Waters
Romance"I'm just scared somehow that you're not even real." "And what if I wasn't? What if I wasn't, but wanted to be?" When Timothy Crow gets the ability to turn into a girl whenever he goes swimming, his first reaction is to panic, resulting in his near...
