Moonlit Waters

Chapter 30

I avoid Alex the next few days. I don't sit next to him on the bus or in classes, look at the floor when I pass him in the corridor.

It feels wrong, so wrong. Not to have him around as I go about my day, not to see his smile greet me at the bus stop in the morning and instead stand several metres away, looking at my shoes, feeling his glances on my skin.

It's constantly on my mind, what happened, and more than once I find my finger hovering over the small telephone icon, about to call Alex. But I don't. Because it wasn't me who did something wrong. Okay, yes, I reacted too harshly to what he said, but still...

What he's asking of me seems ridiculous. While I can't deny that I don't know Claire that well, I also can't see a reason why she would mean any harm to me. And if she did, why she hasn't acted on it yet? She had plenty of opportunity, moments when I was vulnerable. She could have humiliated me in the changing rooms, could've said all these things that I know would hurt me. She could have never taken me in to begin with, leaving me to face those boys in the class below, my anxieties, life on my own. But it's not only that she hasn't done anything to harm me. She has done the exact opposite, which only make Alex's words make even less sense.

If I had so many good reasons not to believe him, not to want to trust him on this one thing, why couldn't he just tell me?

I tried paying closer attention, since the fight. I observed her from the corner of my eye in class, as she was taking notes or intently staring at an equation, thoughtfully gnawing at the end of her pencil. I paid close attention to everything she said, searching for a higher purpose behind her words, anything that could make me like Alex less or just do anything. But all her words do, all her words did, was make me feel better.

At some point I even muster the courage to ask her where she and Alex had really met and why he didn't like her.

For a moment, when she hears my words, she seems sad. But then she nods, like she doesn't quite understand, but still accepts it.

"It's complicated, Lena," she says then. "It's a long story and really it isn't mine to tell. I'm sorry, but the two of you will have to sort this yourselves, whatever it is." Then she pauses for a moment, giving me a thoughtful look. "Do you want to delay the visit to the club, maybe? Wait until things have calmed down a little? I mean, sure, free entry is tomorrow, but even if you were to pay, it's not that much. We could always go another day. I just thought-"

But I shake my head decidedly. "I want to go."

Mika and Emma won't be coming, unfortunately. Both had something come up and Emma especially is very displeased at the prospect of having to go to a restaurant with her aunt instead of witnessing my first time at a club.

It'll be fine, though, Claire says, because if I end up liking it, she'll provide ample opportunity for repetition. And if I don't like it, they're not missing out on much anyway.

Mika offers to send along her older brother for safety, but Claire declines. We're going to be fine; she's been to the club on her own and nothing happened.

Come Friday, once school has ended, we I don't head home first, but immediately accompany her to her place.

After a short snack, we head up to her room and she tries doing a little homework together with me, but I can't really concentrate so instead she begins showing me outfits and telling me all about the different styles I could go for.

It kinda enters my head through one ear and leaves the other side immediately after. I try concentrating, I really do. It just... doesn't quite work.

If Claire notices, she doesn't say anything about it. After some time she has me help her pick an outfit out of maybe a dozen and that at least I manage. It's just visual after all.