Sin With Me | 18+ | ✔️

12 • No one but me

If I wouldn't already be sitting, I would have to sit down now.

"What?" I breath, placing my hand on top of my heart, pressing down as if I want to reassure myself that it'll continue to beat.

My other palm rests on top of the table, sweaty and tense. It's almost uncomfortable to reveal Gina- who just grabbed my hand, how disturbed I really feel.

I turn my gaze to her and instantly have to gulp when I see her ominous expression.

"There's more, isn't it?" I ask, begging I'm just misinterpreting her expression.

She gulps, then nods her head.

I close my eyes for a second, letting the bad news sink in.

"I need you to stay calm- well, as calm as you can be, okay?"

My expression drops, my facade crumbling. "Just- tell me."

I feel the tension in the room, my throat tightening uncomfortably.

"I'll spare you the unnecessary information about how I found out through all this paperwork, but your husband's company doesn't exist. Well, on paper it does. You know, I told you about you being the legal owner..."

My eyebrows furrow and by the way she looks at me intently, I can only guess what she's going to reveal next.

"I wouldn't tell you if I weren't sure... Everything hints to something bigger. I think he's part of a crime organisation. Your husband, Luigi Romano, is a very important part of the mafia. I did some research and found a cartel rooted in Sicily; the Romano cartel. Your husband may be Don Romano, head of the italian mafia."

I think I'll faint...

I'm staring at her for a moment, then move my hand from my chest to my forehead. Her eyes are watching me with caution and worry and I can't bring myself to do anything else but burst out laughing. Not the kind you would expect after a good joke, no, the kind you get when life fucks you up so much, you can only laugh about your struggles to stay sane. Or maybe being sane was something I already said goodbye to a while ago.

I'm seriously questioning whether I'm driving into insanity by this obvious nightmare I'm experiencing, or if I will just wake up any second, realising it was all just a bad dream, made up from my fucked up head.

Gina looks at me like I really have lost my mind and I can't blame her, honestly.

"Gina," I say, standing up before I stop with my laughter. I'm walking from one end of the kitchen to the other. "So what you're telling me is that I'm married to the leader of the sicilian mafia without knowing so and not only that, no- I'm also going to fucking jail if I leave him or go to the police?!"

I turn around to see my only friend again. She's chewing on her lip, revealing her unease and pity.

Both my hands cover my face while I let out a frustrated scream. I'm so... confused.

My hands fall down, staying next to my body. "I can't leave my abusive husband? No. No, no, no. You must be fucking kidding!" I'm screaming now, the news finally sinking in fully.

"I'm so sorry, Soph..." She says while lowering her head.

So Luigi married me just for the sake of being his scapegoat. The naïve girl falling in love with a gangster, thinking she can maybe change him while actually only getting abused along that stupid mission. A clichè suddenly raising the want to puke in me.

Look where being naive and soft brought you now.

I have no future. I have nothing.

No love, no money, no perspective.

Everything I have- everything I am, belongs to him. I'm nothing but his creation, bowing at his will.

I think about the thong again. I had thought he made a mistake by putting it in our laundry. He didn't. He simply knew I could do nothing against it. He used me one more time in the most dehumanizing way. He does it all the time. And he knows what he's doing.

I can't change him. I'm not even close to being relevant to him. A mouse won't change the cat. She will get swallowed whole. Just like me.

It's only a matter of time before he has enough of me, before I am of no use anymore.

"Is there something you can do? Legally?" I ask, growing hopeless.

How she looks at me is enough to answer my question. No. I'm utterly fucked.

"I'll search until I find something, Sophia. I promise."

She gets up from her seat, then comes towards me until she wraps her arms around me tightly.

"I promise," she repeats. "Everything will be alright."

I really want to believe her, but I can't.

Avan flashes through my once again fuzzy thoughts.

Avan... The dinner... We met Luigi's colleagues- Avan was one of them. And he warned me! He must know everything then... Is he...? Is he part of the mafia, too? Oh god. Did I fucking sleep with a mafia Don? TWICE?!

He knows everything. I'm sure he does.

The question is; why did he sleep with me? Is he using me too? I bet he is.

Why are you worrying about a man again?! Worry about yourself. How do I get myself out of this disaster?

The law isn't doing anything for me. I was dumb enough to sign contracts without reading through them. I was dumb enough to trust Luigi and others as well. It's time I finally trust myself, because no one is getting me out of this. No one but me.

I remove myself from Gina's hug, bringing distance between us. This time I don't look into her eyes. I'm too ashamed of who I am, how I acted.

I can't divorce Luigi. I can't hide. I can't run away. Every possible scenario I can think of ends with me behind bars or worse- six feet underground.

I basically have no idea what I got myself into. Well I know one thing; I got myself involved with two utterly powerful and dangerous men.

I'll have to get active to rescue myself. There's no time to be naïve and soft now.

It's live or die now.