𖤐 - 𝔾𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕣𝕕 𝕎𝕒𝕪 𝕩 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕆𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤 -𖤐 ♱ planetery_h03 ♱

𖤐 No matter what (♥︎) 𖤐

A/N: Trans man/masc reader because I need more Gerard x FtM Readers 😞💯
He/Him pronouns will be used!!!
⚠️ Tw for body image issues and mentions of Transphobia ⚠️
(Y/b/n) = your birth name
♱♱♱♱♱

I've always had self esteem issues. I never liked how my body looked. I don't like how my chest wasn't flat. I don't like how feminine I look no matter what I do. I hated wearing dresses as a kid, and I still do as an adult. I never felt connected to femininity. Yet I've never told anyone how I felt, out of fear of what they will say.

Sometimes being called a girl, or she, or just anything feminine is enough to make me want to hide under my blankets and cry. My stomach churns when I look and my body and I don't look how I wish I did.

I've only recently come to realize that I'm transgender. I haven't told anyone. I can't. They won't understand, or accept me. I don't want to risk losing my friends because of something small like this.

♱♱♱♱♱

I enter the studio my friends had been recording their new album in. They had sent me to go pick up lunch, so I had gone to get some pizza. I set the boxes on a small table and walk over to where they were all gathered. Frank was tuning his guitar while he rambled about some plans he had for the upcoming weekend.

"Hey, dude!" Ray turns to me with a smile, which I return.

"Hi, Ray." I say, my voice is somewhat flat, but not enough to be noticeable.

Just then I feel arm wrap around my waist from behind and a head resting on my shoulder. It's my boyfriend, Gerard.

Gerard's one of the most loving and understanding person I know, and yet I can't bring myself to talk to him about how I'm struggling with my identity. The fear of him judging me is still there, even though I know he won't, but it's still stopping me.

"Hey, love." Gerard mumbles loud enough for me to hear and places a kiss on my cheek. I smile and a pink tint dusts my cheeks.

"Hello, Gee." The corners of my lips tilt upward slightly.

He lets me go, immediately walking over to the table and opening one of the pizza boxes. "Food!" He exclaims as he throws his arms in the air like a child. I roll my eyes and giggle at him.

"Thanks, (y/b/n)." Frank pats my shoulder and I force myself to smile, but hearing my name feels like a punch in the gut. Of course, it's not their fault for not knowing how it affects me, I never told them. And they can't read minds, I hope.

I sit in the studio with the guys as the finish up for the day. Gerard approached me and leans down to place a kiss on my head.

"Ready to go?" He asks, and I nod. I hold his hand as we walk to where his car was parked, only letting go when I absolutely have to.

The drive is silent, aside from the radio quietly playing. I'm looking out the window, watching the cara on the other side of the road and the passing trees.

"You okay?" Gerard speaks up suddenly "You're real quiet. Did something happen?"

I turn to look at him briefly before looking back out my window. "Yeah, I'm fine."

I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't wanna pressure me. He just looks at me for a short moment and nods.

♱♱♱♱♱

When we get back to our shared home, I immediately run up to our bedroom and hide under the comforter that was spread neatly across our bed. I close my eyes tightly and let out a sigh.

I feel the mattress dip beside me and a hand placed where I was hiding under the blanket.

"Are you okay, sugar?" I hear Gerard ask softly "You know you can tell me anything. Are you just having an off day?"

I bite my lip, debating on whether I should tell him or not. I want to, but what if he doesn't understand, or says I'm being dramatic. I can't stop myself from overthinking things.

"I.." My voice shakes as I try to speak. "I don't think I can... Tell you..."

He pulls the comforter off me and pulls me into his arms, rocking me back and forth slightly. "Why? You know I won't judge you.."

I refuse to make eye contact with him. I try to speak but my voice is caught in my throat. I start to feel my face heat up and tears form in my eyes.

Gerard places a soft kiss on my head. "You don't have to tell me, but I think it would be better if you did.. Whatever it is, I'm here for you."

A tear falls down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly and bury my face into his neck. "Do you ever feel like..." I start, finding very little courage to tell him what's been on my mind. "Like you're not supposed to be in your body...?"

I probably sound stupid. I wanna tell him to just forget about it, but I don't. I can't hide it any longer. Not from him, at least.

"Some times.. what do you mean, love?" His voice is gentle and quiet. I love how patient he is with me when I vent to him (or try to).

I furrow my eyebrows and take in a deep breath. "Like, I feel like I wasn't supposed to have this body.. like I was supposed to have a different one. A very different one.." A couple more tears slip from my eyes and I wipe them away. "Y'know..?"

He thinks for a moment, most likely processing what I had told him. "What do you mean by different?" Gerard tilts his head slightly to try and see my face clearer.

"Like.. I feel like I was supposed to be born as a boy..." I finally say, my chest tightening at the thought of what his reaction could be. "I think.. I think I'm transgender, Gerard.."

He stays silent for a moment, which just makes my anxiety so much worse. It feels like hours went by before he finally speaks up. "So.. you're a boy?"

I only respond with a nod.

"That's okay." Gerard smiles down at me sweetly and cups my face in one of his hands, kissing the tip of my nose. "Is there a different name you want to go by? Or different pronouns? I promise I'll do whatever you need to make you feel comfortable."

And then I burst into tears. I wrap my arms around Gerard tightly and sob into his shoulder. He hugs me back and plays with my hair gently.

"Shh, it's okay.." Gerard comforts me while I cry into his shoulder.

A few minutes later I've stopped crying and I lift my head from where it rested on Gerard's shoulder, and he smiles down at me.

"So? What do you wanna be called, my love?" He asks happily, and I can't help but smile back at him.

"Um.. I think I like the name (Y/N) a lot.." my voice is quiet as I speak, like I'm scared of someone else hearing what I'm confessing.

"(Y/N).. pretty." Gerard responds and presses a quick kiss on my lips. "So.. does this mean you're my boyfriend?"

I look up at him with a confused expression. "You still want to be with me..?"

I hear Gerard chuckle lightly before he nods in response. "Of course! I still love you, (Y/N), and I always will. No matter what." He presses another kiss to my lips and rests his forehead against mine.

"Promise?" I kiss him back quickly after I speak. He nods gently in response and hugs me closer.

"Promise."

♱♱♱♱♱

A/N: LONG CHAPTER LET'S GOOOOO 🙏🙏
I REALLY HOPE THIS IS OKAY BTW 😭😭