Two-Sided Coin

Chapter 10

The soft vibration of my phone sent waves of pain up and down my torso. It was probably Jungkook. He could help me. But moving hurt so much.

I slowly bent my arm, inching it closer and closer to my pocket. After what seemed like forever, I managed to pull it out, slide to answer, then put it on speaker.

"--last five hours. Taehyung? Are you alright? Where are you? Where have you been? Do you need me to pick you up?"

Jungkook's concerned voice rang clearly through the cold alley, bringing a smile to my split lips despite everything. He continued begging for me to answer as I gathered myself, taking deep breaths.

"Please, help," I croaked, my voice far gone from screaming. He paused then I heard a commotion.

"Where are you, Tae? I'm getting into the car right now," he told me.

I rolled over onto my back with a grunt, then craned my neck to find some sort of sign telling me where I am. A street sign came to view and I read it to Jungkook, then let my head fall back to the ground. He quickly assured me that he was on his way and hung up.

God, I was pathetic. Everything I did just brought a weight to the shoulders of those around me. I should just be locked up. Jungkook should just leave me here to die. It's all going to happen anyway, right?

A song suddenly came to mind.

"Loser...oetori..." I sang softly with the little breath I had, staring at a single crack in the pavement where water was beginning to gather.

"Sen cheokhaneun geopjaengi..." I was winded after one line and just closed my eyes, settling with just mouthing the lyrics that seemed way too fitting for my situation. God knows how much time passed, but I was halfway through the second rap when I heard tires scratch and Jungkook call out my name. I craned my neck again and found him with my blurred eyes. The moment he caught sight of me, shock and fear filled his features and he sprinted towards me.

"Oh my god, Tae. What happened? Who did this to you?" he asked frantically. I shook my head slightly and sat up with his help.

"Just take me home," I mumbled, lowering my gaze in shame. I felt so...exposed. I must have looked terrible. He stayed silent for a moment, just staring at me, then nodded and carefully picked me up bridal style, carrying me to the car and laying me down in the backseat. He didn't say a work as he drove me back, nor did he as he hauled me to my room, nor as he tucked me into bed. But he didn't leave me alone either. I thought he would have left after I was in bed, but that didn't happen.

He silently pulled out my emergency first aid kit from under my bed and set it onto my desk, then began taking out various items. He removed my blanket, folding it and throwing it to the other side of the room absently. Gripping the edge of my filthy hoodie, he picked up a pair of scissors and gave me a questioning look. I nodded slightly and he began cutting a line from the middle of the hem, around the front pocket, and up to the right side of the neckline. He opened the front and stared at me for a couple seconds, but at that moment I was too done with everything to feel self-conscious. By the time he cut the front of my shirt open, exposing my chest and stomach for him to tend to the wounds, I was almost asleep and I had drifted off to unconsciousness with the sting of disinfectant on my cuts and bruises.

...

"Please come back to school."

I shook my head again, my blank gaze focused on the grain of our coffee table. A bowl of ramen was on my lap and chopsticks were in my hand, but they weren't connecting. I had dry heaved for a good half hour this morning already so eating was not high on my to-do list.

"Please, hyung. You can't strain yourself so much."

Jungkook had been begging for me to change my mind almost ever since I've woken up. I guess N told him I was quitting. That bastard.

"Kookie..." I silently cursed how hoarse and weak my voice sounded. He looked at me expectantly, chewing his lower lip.

I sighed and swallowed, my eyes finally looking away from the table and flitting around for a few moments, not sure of where to fixate next.

"You're going to be late," I managed, settling with my tattered sneakers as a good place to focus. A short silence followed, then he stood sharply, practically throwing his empty bowl into the sink, and stormed out, the door slamming behind him. Regret began to seep through my veins, but I just swallowed thickly and stood as well, carefully setting down my uneaten meal onto the table and went into the bathroom.

The mirror was crooked, but it was up. I almost wished it wasn't. If it was gone, I wouldn't be able to see the mess I had become. Jungkook had fixed me up pretty well last night, but nothing could bring back the bright glint I used to have in my now-lifeless eyes or erase the aching dark circles perfectly. I had lost the one thing I had held dear - my will to move on. All those memories that had brought me happiness were nestled into the mind of Kim Taehyung. Kim Taehyung was such a naive, pure child. It was V that was the problem. My whole dark past, all of the terrible thoughts that made their way to my young head were channeled into this other boy: V. It all was working out well; these two characters lived separate, yet together. It was harmonious. But then it wasn't. The wall broke. We merged into one. Now all the bad things loomed over Taehyung's head and he realized how few the good were. He was overpowered. Now all the happiness was stained with blood and tears and everything evil. Nothing was pure anymore. The innocent boy had to grow up.

"I...I'm sorry," I whispered hollowly to my own image, running his index finger under my eye absently, mildly surprised when it came down slick with tears. When had I started crying? I rubbed the wetness between my thumb and forefinger slowly, then turned around sharply and left the room, grabbing a jacket that was discarded in the hall and walked onto the street. I didn't know where I was going, but I needed to get away. I felt so...childish. Like a hormonal teenager bitching to his friends (not that I had any). For all I knew, my problems were miniscule, but my 'golden age' was blowing them out of proportion.

Oh well. Nothing to be done. I still needed a job. Or at least something to take my mind off of things. Preferably the latter. Oh look, a bar.

At a sketchy place like this, IDs apparently weren't necessary. I shuffled inside and seated myself at the end of the bar. A man asked me what I wanted and I ordered a bottle of soju. He gave me a suspicious look, but I gave him a death glare and he didn't question me further. Soon, I had a shotglass full of clear liquor in my hand. This was my first time drinking, surprisingly. I was kind of proud that I had gotten this far.

I tipped the soju into my mouth and winced at the burn. It definitely wasn't good, but for some reason, I wanted more. I took another shot. Then another. Then another. My head was beginning to cloud and I couldn't focus on anything. I couldn't quite remember where I was or why I was there. But this bottle in front of me looked pleasant. Another shot. My mouth was dry and my eyes kept closing. I lay my head down onto the wood surface in front of me. It was so comfortable. My vision tunneled and everything gave way to black.

A/N
Sorry this kinda sucks. I haven't been home all day and tried to throw a chapter together instead of having dinner/doing homework. Whoops. Also, in case you didn't know, the song Taehyung was singing was 'Loser' by Big Bang. It's pretty good. You should listen to it if you haven't.