Two-Sided Coin

Chapter 18

By the time I walked up to the restaurant, my heart was thudding painfully in my chest and thoughts were racing through my mind, making my head spin. I felt like a giggling schoolgirl, but at the moment I didn't really care. I was going to see Kim Seokjin. And talk to him. And eat with him. This was one of the greatest moments of my life.

"Taehyung?"

I was snapped out of my daydream by the man himself. He looked slightly uncomfortable and awkward, but he always kind of looked like that. I took a moment to admire him out of his uniform. He was wearing a black-and-white letterman jacket, black skinny jeans, and a grey, knit infinity scarf. An array of patterned bracelets adorned his wrist and there was a single gold band on his left pointer finger.

"Um... Taehyung?"

"Huh? Oh, yea. Hi," I stuttered, silently cursing myself for getting distracted. He shifted his weight and cleared his throat.

"Shall we go in?"

I nodded slightly, feeling intimidated by the fanciness. I felt very underdressed. I didn't fit in. But, I was with Jin, and that made me feel a bit better.

He led me inside, his hands casually in his jacket pockets. It seemed like he went here regularly and I wondered how I've never seen him. Once we sat, he busied himself with the menu and I did the same. All of the food was way too expensive for me, but I looked through it anyway, trying to remember how pork belly tasted like. After a minute or so, I happened to glance at Jin over my menu. He was looking back discretely, but the moment our eyes met, he looked back down. A small smile tugged at my lips and I closed the menu, setting it down carefully. Clasping my hands in front of me, I leaned forward slightly. He pretended not to notice me looking at him, but eventually sighed and closed his own menu, copying my stance.

"It's been a while," he tried, studying me.

"So it has," I murmured. A silence fell over us as we both avoided the topic that caused our distance and just took note of how we grew.

"How's...life?" he finally asked.

"I live with my close friend, Jungkook, now," I told him with a small nod, not sure into how much detail to go into. I didn't want to scare him away again. He seemed a bit relieved.

"That's nice. I live alone. Been working the night shift at the hospital for two years, now."

Silence again.

There really wasn't a nice way to approach this. What were we supposed to say? Much had changed, but we were both afraid to ask, not wanting to touch on sensitive topics.

"May I take your order?" the waitress suddenly butted in. Perfect timing.

"Can I have one order of naengmyun?" Jin asked and she nodded, then turned to me.

"Um, I'll just have water," I told her, feeling my face heat up slightly. She nodded again, then left. Jin frowned.

"Why didn't you order anything? You're so thin already. You have to eat well," he ordered, concern welling in his voice. I fought a laugh. Though we've become distant and his demeanor was cool, his inner motherly instinct would always win over.

"I'm fine," I insisted, tugging at the sleeves of my sweatshirt absently. He shook his head slightly.

"I shouldn't have left. You don't even know how to feed yourself," he muttered, shifting his scarf around his neck.

"You didn't leave," I pointed out, an unintended bitter note in my voice. He lowered his hands, looking scolded.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled suddenly.

"For what?"

He gave me a sheepish look.

"For...driving you out," he explained, his voice staying quiet. "It was wrong of me. I was just...shocked, I guess."

I managed a small smile.

"It's fine," I insisted again, really just glad to hear those words. I was half expecting for him to be thankful I left. He stared at me for a moment, his expression unreadable. He seemed to want to say something, but he just breathed a short laugh and shook his head, looking away again. I wanted to question him further, but also knew there was a line I shouldn't cross.

The noodles came and he set them in the middle of the table, telling me to eat some. It was quite a dream come true; I was basically on a date with Jin. He, of course, wouldn't think of it that way. Not only was he probably straight, but, even if he wasn't, I wouldn't be one of his first choices to date. I wouldn't even be offended if he said that at this point. I knew I was messed up.

We were quiet throughout the meal. It was pleasant, though, and not as awkward as I'd thought it would be. He paid after we were done and we were soon back on the street.

But then it went unexpectedly.

I was sure that after we ate he'd bid farewell, we'd leave, and possible never see each other again.

But, once again, he stared at me with an expression I couldn't decipher, words on the tip of his tongue. He bit his lip, his gaze faltering then flitting away.

"Would you like to walk with me?" he asked, catching me off guard. I raised my eyebrows slightly, but nodded.

"Of course," I replied, playing with the hem of my shirt. "Where do you want to go?"

He smiled and shrugged, his thumbs slipped in his belt loops.

"We can just walk around, if you want," he offered. I nodded, just glad to be able to spend time with him.

Again, neither of us had anything to say. We walked in silence around the block, the distance between us wavering from an arm's length to almost non-existent. It was quite nerve wracking, but I tried to pay it no attention, just following after him quietly.

...

We walked for about two hours. Eventually it started to get dark outside and my teeth were beginning to chatter from the chilly air. Jin noticed and for a moment it seemed to me like he'd put an arm around me, but I was probably imagining things.

"It's getting late," he observed. It wasn't actually that late, but I got what he was hinting at.

"Yea," I breathed, pulling my hoodie closer to my body.

"You should probably get home; you're freezing," he told me. I smiled slightly and glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.

"You're probably right," I admitted in defeat. We both stopped and turned to face each other. He cleared his throat and looked away.

"I'll...see you around, I guess," he said flatly, scratching the back of his neck. "You can send me a text when I'm off duty; we didn't actually do any catching up today."

I nodded, biting my lip to keep myself from smiling goofily.

"Alright," I muttered, shifting my weight. I didn't want to leave, but it would look weird if I stuck around any longer so I bid a quick farewell and started towards home, grinning widely once my face was out of his view.

My happiness didn't fade in the slightest as on my way home. My cheeks hurt from smiling, but I couldn't stop, though I forced myself to downplay the excitement when I got home.

I felt guilty for feeling so happy and giddy in both Jin's and Jungkook's presence, but I really couldn't help it. They each made me feel a different kind of love and warmth, though I couldn't pinpoint the exact difference.

But I pushed those thoughts away when I locked the front door behind me and heard Jungkook's soft snores coming from my room. My poor heart skipped a beat when I realized he fell asleep in my bed and I didn't know what to do about it. Should I sleep next to him? Sleep in his bed? On the couch? I poked my head into my room and saw him there, perfect and peaceful, a gentle smile ghosting his lips. I stood there at the door, shifting my weight awkwardly as I tried to come to a decision. Eventually, as tempting as it was to lie down beside him, I chickened out and face-planted on the torn couch instead. It was cold and uncomfortable and I regretted my decision immediately, but I was far too tired to do anything about it.