How can someone withstand loneliness? How long can someone sit alone, deprived of another's touch? How many bottles must they drink so that the aching behind their ribs becomes bearable?
I wish I knew.
Time became of no concern as I sat at the bar, my eyes red and painfully dry, a bottle of soju in my hand. The bartender had switched out to a relatively attractive female that looked fresh out of school. Customers came and went. Money was exchanged.
What was I doing? I had saved this money to help Jungkook, not to numb my worries. This thought ran through my mind after every sip, but somehow it spurred me to tilt the glass back more to forget.
I had drifted in and out of consciousness. How long have I been here? How much longer before I feel better?
"Hey, kid."
I looked up with heavy lids to pinpoint where the voice came from. It was the bartender. She was leaning on the bar in front of me, a concerned look on her face. I think it was concern. Everything was blurry at the moment.
"What's your name kid?"
Her voice was so kind. She seemed to care. In the back of my mind, I realized that she was probably nice to all of her drunk customers. But right now, I took the comfort. As selfish as I felt, I let myself believe that she genuinely wanted to know my name.
"Kim...Taehyung," I slurred, pausing for a moment to remember. She nodded and glanced around, checking to see if anyone else needed her assistance. I guess there was no one because she turned back and smiled slightly.
"Do you want to talk?"
Oh my god, her tone was so gentle and warm and I just wanted to wrap myself in it and fall asleep and never wake up. It was exactly how people always described a mother to me when I was younger. I subconsciously leaned forward and rested my forehead on her shoulder to the best of my ability. To my surprise, she didn't move away. Instead, she softly raised her arm and stroked my hair. It was a small gesture, but nobody other than Jungkook had ever done that to me. It was the most beautiful moment of my life.
"It's a long story," I mumbled into her tshirt, scrunching up my eyes to hold back tears. She let out a sigh and seemed to have some sort of internal struggle before carefully pulling away.
"My shift's over in a few minutes. Can you wait?"
She sounded hopeful. Like she wanted to hear what was wrong. It was a great feeling.
I nodded shyly and she gently stroked my cheek.
"Let me clean this up," she muttered, prying the soju bottle from my hand and gathering the other three empty ones that had somehow appeared before me in the past couple hours. I sat back and let her do her thing, sniffling quietly.
Like she said, it was only a few short minutes before a tall, lean guy with rainbow hair replaced her behind the bar and her shift was over. She quickly took off her apron and grabbed her purse, then walked up to me.
"Do you want to take a walk?" she asked carefully, holding out her hand. I nodded silently and took her hand, pulling my hood far over my head to cover my face before following her out.
...
We didn't speak for quite some time. By the time she said anything we had circled the block twice and she stopped in front of a black Sedan that I assumed was hers.
"Um...I don't want to come off as weird, but...would you like to...come over? I mean, you said you'd like to talk and-"
"Sure."
She raised her eyebrows in surprise at my quick response, then nodded and unlocked the door, letting me into the front seat.
Wasn't there a rule back in grade school: stranger danger? Yeah, well, I sure needed some help with that.
My gaze blanked once again as she got behind the wheel and started the engine, driving me god knows where. By this point in my life, I no longer cared where she took me, as long as she didn't somehow get to Jungkook. She could kill me, for all I care. In fact, I'd thank her. She'd just get my hellhole of a life over with.
"I'm Amber," she told me suddenly, and I glanced at her. She was a foreigner. I didn't know how to feel about that.
She met my eye for a moment and managed a small smile.
"I'm Taiwanese-American," she clarified and I nodded, lowering my gaze back to her dashboard.
Again, time was indefinite as she drove me to an apartment building that I recognized as being only a block away from my own. That's good to know, just in case. Not that I thought she'd do anything, but after Ravi... I was hesitant to be fully trusting.
Amber stepped out and I followed her as she walked up the stairs to her floor, then unlocked her apartment.
"Make yourself at home," she said kindly, letting me inside before her. It was smaller than my own place, but significantly neater. There wasn't much decoration or furniture, just the bare necessities, including a blush, tan couch standing in the middle of the living room. I immediately sat down on it with a heavy sigh, letting myself sink into it. It was very comfortable and I barely noticed the seat dip with the weight of another person.
"So, do you want to talk?" Amber asked quietly. I didn't reply for a couple minutes, but then nodded and leaned against her. She stiffened for a moment, surprised, but gave in and rested my head on her lap, my legs tucked up onto the end of the couch, her cool hands running through my hair.
Another few minutes passed before I opened my mouth, but once I did, I couldn't stop. She didn't interrupt me once, nor did she stop the constant motion of her fingers in my hair.
I didn't start from the beginning. It was nearly impossible to. The most detail I got into was that my parents were no longer with me and I lived with my childhood friend alone. I told her of the conditions we lived in. I told her of my school and of Jimin and Hoseok. I told her of V and how afraid I was of him. I told her of going home all beat up and having Jungkook care for me. I told her of finding out my second identity and almost committing suicide. I told her of coming home and quitting school. I told her of meeting VIXX and working for them. I told her of Ravi. I told her of my pain, my misery, my tears and blood. I told her of my hopelessness, my loneliness, my sadness. I didn't stop until I got the the moment at the bar when she spoke to me first.
A silence filled the room after I stopped with my life story, but I couldn't tell what it meant. Would she hug me? Would she pity me? Would she throw me out?
It turns out, none of the above.
"Go to sleep, Tae," she whispered. "You've had a rough day."
I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath, then focused on her fingers brushing through my hair, the steady motion lulling me into pleasant unconsciousness.
A/N
In case you didn't know, Amber is a member of the group F(X) under SM. She's also a solo artist now...because SM (?). Anyway, they're pretty cool. Check them out.
Also, he's not important to the plot (at least for now) but the guy with rainbow hair was Sehun from EXO. If you don't know who they are, then WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN.
*clears throat*
Sorry
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Two-Sided Coin
FanfictionV. Strange name, don't you think? In my eyes, it's a terrifying name. Only accidents and pain followed it. The only cause of tears in my life is that person. I've never met him. I've only heard stories. But that's enough to make me never want to com...
