Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"Hellooooooo, earth to Jan! I know you hear me talking to you." I snapped out of my thoughts to see my bestie and creative director, Gil, waving his hand in my face.
"Sorry Gil, I didn't hear you. What did I miss?" I asked. He looked at me crazy and repeated what he said.
We were currently in my dressing room and I had about 15 minutes before I had to see the fans who purchased meet & greets before the concert. I honestly wasn't in the mood and it's all because of today's date.
March 27th is always a hard day for me to get through and the fact that it slipped my mind to double check my tour dates before giving my team the approval is the biggest flub I could've done. No one knows why this date is hard for me, not even Gil, so no one's at fault but my own.
"Okay seriously Jan. You keep spacing out on me. What's really going on?" Gil asked. I saw the concerned look on his face and knew I could at least share a little bit with him.
"Tonight's going to be really hard for me to perform through because of today's date. I don't want to get into it because it'll make me too emotional." I told him truthfully.
"Well I'm always here if you ever wanna talk about what you're going through. It's time for the meet and greets, do you need a minute alone?" He asked.
"Nope, let's get this over with so I can get my head ready for tonight." I got up from my chair and walked out of my dressing room. My bodyguard led the way and I plastered a fake smile before stepping into the room. ~~~ I saw that I only had the last three fans left before I would be done and internally thanked God. I love my fans, don't get me wrong, but my heart isn't here with them in this moment.
"C'mon ladies, you're finally next." Gil called out to the last two women who looked super young. They both shyly waved at me and came forward. I smiled back but the one who was the shortest out the two resembled so much of me in my younger days. Even the way she styled her outfit matched my style perfectly.
"Hi ladies! Nice to meet you two. What are your names?" I greeted them.
"Oh my God, I can't believe we're right here with you but I'm Ryan Destiny and this is my best-friend Halle Lynn." She said.
My heart rate started to rise once Ryan said her friend's name.
No no no no...it can't be. Not my Halle Lynn.
I stood stuck and speechless but thankfully Gil took over and gave Ryan the go ahead to take her solo picture first. I snapped out of it once Ryan stood closely to me.
"Okay how do you want to pose?" I asked Ryan.
"Oohh let's do a jail pose." She suggested excitedly. I laughed at the name and asked her to show me what she meant. We all laughed, including my bodyguard, as we posed. I stood up straight while she took a squat in front of me and threw her hands up. I covered one hand over my face and added the peace sign to rep my "set."
"Thank you so much Ms. Janet. I'm such a fan of yours and you're an inspiration to me. Now my friend Halle is very shy but it's her birthday so c'mon up girl!" Ryan said as she reached for Halle's hand to push her forward.
My whole world stopped and I damn near fainted.
"It's your birthday today?" I asked Halle as she stood next to me.
"Yes ma'am, I'm 22 today." She said. Once she confirmed not only her birthday but her age, I knew right then and there this was my child.
My baby that I gave up. My baby that no one knew about, not even my family. I could just pass out at any moment but I couldn't freak out in front of everyone.
"Well Happy Birthday Halle. How do you want us to pose?" I mustered up to say. I couldn't stop staring at her. She's so beautiful and so shy.
"We can just do a regular one." She said in the most soft-spoken voice I ever heard and that says a lot coming from me and how I speak.
"Wow Jan, you two look alike as you stand side by side like that." I shyly looked down and twiddled my hands once Gil pointed it out.
"They do. Look they're both fidgeting their hands the same way too." Ryan pointed out. The camera flashed as we both smiled standing side my side.
"Well I hope you two have a wonderful time tonight and Happy Birthday again Halle." I said. I opened my arms for hugs and they both embraced me.
The girls thanked me again and I turned to walk towards Gil out of the door. As we walked, I had a ton of thoughts swirling in my mind. Once we made it to my room, I couldn't hold it anymore and needed to let Gil know.
"Gil, I need you to go back and get the info on Halle and make sure you write it all down. And get Ryan's too. Their social media, full names & emails." I said.
"Okay Janet but what's the reason?" He asked.
I took a deep breath to say what I needed to say out loud.
