THE FUNDAMENTALS OF A REALIST

the sacrifice for happiness

I remember running to a boy because I didn't have woes

I had one hole

Eyes, ears, a mouth and a nose
And that was good enough for his mattress
I thought I was far from an actress

with Silly bands

When things went south for me I make amends
By spreading my legs so you can touch it

The feel of you make things real for two

I was a dumb ass
And god forbid if I make a mistake and live

Because if you ask my momma mistakes is an ass whooping
And I could get my ass whooped everyday when I was a spitting image

My adolescence had limits
I cant be a kid
I don't apply myself
I cant go past the front porch
my classmates laugh as I drown in the embarrassment of my minute phone
It took me an half hour to get home and if I showed any second later

I reflect on stiletto fingertips clawing at my eyelids

I regret looking back
Hot tears gushing from my eyes
It wasn't a surprise

Purple bruises on my thighs
I despise people
They stared at me as I limped up to the street in defeat

Damn I don't know where tf Im going

Where is God?

God I kneel upon your alter bowing and begging for grace and mercy
How could you let momma hurt me?

I was scared to sleep at night
Shutter under the covers
House of horrors
Of all the states of matter
Dishes clatter

Smoke congested my lungs as I held my tongue with clenched fist

Wet kisses in the back of the classroom were guilty pleasure
Despite the weather Im still walking 30 mins to school because things will get better

Wait until I rise
When I leave all this behind

I will run until the concrete ends
Or the streets lights cut off
Until the breathe in my body disperse
I curse the back of the ems that took me to kingswood my hearse

I died then

The service was short...
everybody brought nothing .
The obituary was nothing.

Back hand into the wall
I look up into the devils
Eyes he grunting

No fist, move, stare, heat, solidarity could kill I
My god isn't down below but above in the sky

They make jails for kids that what moms told me
Here I burn off the remains of the umbilical cord that hold me
// e.b.