Where Are We Now? (Marina)

Thirty-Three.

A/N: It's a rollercoaster and over 11k words so buckle up and (hopefully) enjoy the ride 🎢
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Maya

My mind kept replaying the night Carina came home drunk, how guilty I felt for lashing out. Especially after the way she cried in my arms and would not stop apologizing. I'd never seen my wife wail, and I'd seen Carina in many forms of pain. 

Andrew was of no help, he just scolded me, and now I understood why Carina hated being drunk. She'd go from the flirty life of the party to sobbing in a puddle with the difference of a drink.

As if that last drink just dropped the entire wall of her heart, leaving her open and exposed to everything she was holding in. Everything she refused to tell me about!

Although, seeing her drunk scared the crap out of me, I listened her fears pour out like vomit, most of which remained unclear through her slurred words.

It was like hell on wheels to witness. She was up, she was down, she was almost tripping down the stairs. It kept me on my toes for sure.

Even if a part of me was glad to finally hear everything, there were parts of her rants I would not have known how to react to if she'd said them sober. I just stood there with tissues in one hand and water in the other while she ran around in circles in her underwear until she tired herself out.

I could only stand firm while she talked and clung to me as I tried to not cry while she begged me to not leave her, no matter how much I reassured that I wouldn't. Guilt started to seep in as the night went on.

As the alcohol seemingly started to die down she went back to the flirtiness I knew well, kissing me, trying to fix things with sex until she fell asleep on my chest after making me promise to sleep next to her.

All I did was watch her sleep, wondering if she'd wake up to throw up or wake up crying like she did when she passed out on the floor. I'd check if she was still breathing because of how hard she crashed. Even if I wanted to sleep anywhere else, the thought of not being next to her burned my skin.

I wasn't even sure I'd be able make it a full night on the couch without her presence next to me. Carina had me tied to her with triple knots and an iron clad seal.

Although I was next to her, sleep never found me. If anything the night had only scared and angered me more. There was the lying part, the withholding. My mind felt so jumbled with anger, the fear of what could have happened and Carina's reaction. Then to find out why she was really in that neighborhood... did I really need so much coddling? Was I so unpredictable?

It's as if she had no concern for her own safety and it infuriated me more. Now every time she walked out the door I felt my heart race, wanting to pull her back in my arms and never let her go. If it wasn't for the overpowering guilt, the part of that hated being mad at her would have already given way.

Carina was not an easy person to stay mad at at, truth be told now it was just me being mad at me. Carina had been so nice and patient. Considerate of my space and I missed her with all of me.

Not just her. Mason was also on thin ice. To find out how he had been taken as a lesson to not fall behind on his payments felt like something that happened in movies not in real life. Not in my life.

He told me the whole story of how had finally secured a job and figured he'd be able to pay it back quickly. The loan was to have work appropriate clothes, have first and last for the studio he was living in and a few months rent until he could save enough of his own money. It was an honest attempt, just a deal made with the wrong people.