Where Are We Now? (Marina)

Thirty-Seven.

Maya

Why did everything feel like it was jumbled together? Life was moving and it didn't seem to want to slow down.

It's like trying to have a baby has sped up and slowed down time according to what part of the cycle we were in.

The first week after the retrieval went by painfully slowly, waiting to see how many of our 9 little blobs continued to multiply and then also the fact that Carina was still pretty sore and bloated for the entirety of that wait.

Not that I minded being soft and gentle with my wife, it actually surprised me to see just how easy it was. To lay with her, enjoy quiet time. Sometimes we didn't need words, even in the silence I could feel her and we'd smile at each other when she caught me looking at her.

Carina never made me wonder what parts of dating I missed out on because she made me giddy and nervous. We'd flirt like we still needed to win each other over and bicker like we'd been together 50 years.

Love wasn't real. It's what I told myself years ago and swore it off. I'd devoted my life to my career and endless meaningless hookups that meant nothing. Now the feeling consumed me.

It was there when I woke up immersed in her scent, locked in the warmth of her soft brown eyes, and struck by the brightness of her panty-dropper smile.

Everyday with that insane smile made life worth embracing. Especially during this seemingly better part of the journey.

Carina slowly started sleeping a lot more normally, the nightmares had started to become less frequent. I could see on her face the difference more hours of sleep did for her overall mood and energy.

On day 5 we got the call and even saw the pictures of the 'blastocysts'  dividing. Now we were in that painful buffer zone where we were waiting to hear the results of the genetic testing.

Carina went back to work 3 days after her procedure against my liking, but she was also a woman who needed to be busy or I'd find her climbing walls for something to do. The second week started off slow and as time would have it, the second Carina's day of departure started to approach everything sped up.

Two days before she was done to take off for LA, I spent my first night at home alone since she was on call during one of the busier nights she's had in a while. Sometimes she could get away with being on call at home, that night was not one of those.

Tonight was the department dinner with SPD so I had brought in my dry cleaned and pressed class A's for the evening to shift with me. I wasn't meant to work, but I had paperwork and getting a head start on it would let me actually relax since there were two shifts between now and when I was to meet up with Carina in LA.

That's what I worked on a majority of the day until I decided I should make myself some coffee if I was to get through some more emails before having to endure a night of bureaucracy.

As I made my towards the beanery there were laughs making their way through my sound proof AirPods. I tiptoed inside and saw everyone huddled around something on the long dining table cooing and awing.

Then I heard an unmistakable squeal that told me only one thing. "DB! Come look at what we heard crying outside of the station!" Sanchez announced and I started walking closer.

"Still don't understand who leaves a baby in front of the fire truck doors, like obviously cars pull out of there," Andy huffed and crossed her arms as I approached the little being with caution. He was snuggled up in the small blanket we kept for such occasions, sucking away on his little pacifier.

He was so small with some small brown curls. Already framing the head too big for his wee little body. Andy looked at me as I approached, "Was social services called?" I asked.