Where Are We Now? (Marina)

Quarantadue.

Carina

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. My head throbbed with every bite. Every snap of the chips being eaten. I held my forehead as I combed through the patient records in front of me while Andrea put another potato chip in his mouth. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. My teeth could break if I tightened them together any more. When he ruffled the bag searching for another I snapped, "DIO ANDREA, non puoi mangiare in modo più silenzioso!?"

Andrea threw the chip bag in surprise. Then he looked at the bag now on the floor, grunting at the sight of the wasted pieces on the floor, "What the hell!? You didn't have to yell!"

"You don't have to chew so loud!" I snapped back. My voice made it so the other people in the library looked over at us. Oh sure, me yelling was the problem and the chip bag wasn't!?

"So all of the sudden I chew loudly!? I bet if it were Maya eating you wouldn't have yelled so loud," he replied annoyed, crouching to pick up the chips on the floor. While I sat back down with a huff. Only to realize he gave me the perfect ammo.

"Depends on what she's eating, then I definitely encourage the sounds she is making," I teased and he waved his hands.

"Già basta, Carina. Non voglio sentire questo!" He grimaced in disgust by what I was saying and it made me laugh. This time Andrea got shushed.

"Then stop eating so loud!" I hissed out through my teeth.

"You're the one that wanted to have lunch with me, non posso crederti." He put the bag of chips in the trash and I thought he was going to leave so another wave of emotions started to overtake me.

"Perché... non volevo mangiare da sola," I whined quietly and he turned to look at me, puzzled. Confusion written on his face by my change in mood. These stupid hormones had me from one extreme to the other. From low to high. I was also hungrier than usual, but no amount of food seemed to help. Probably because you don't want food, stupida. I shook the annoying thought away.

"Stai piangendo?" Andrea asked and I shot my arms out, making him flinch.

"Noooo, Andrea! I'm fucking laughing! You're impossible!" I stood up grabbing my things and leaving the library, realizing that the other doctors there were starting to become annoyed because it's meant to be quiet.

I walked back to my office with what felt like fumes leaving my ears, taking breaths while I collected myself a little as I felt my emotions start to kick back up. The knock on my door pulled my focus, "Entra." I looked up, wiping the tears from my face.

Jo walked in with caution, "Dr. DeLuca, your next patient is here. I wanted to let you know her blood work has been sent to the lab and everything looks good on the exam. Did you still want to order the updated scans?"

"Yes, please take her up. If they are clean then I feel comfortable officially moving scans to every six months since her last two scans have been good." I sniffled and went back to reading the records for the complicated case I had later in the week. The fetus had a complicated cervical teratoma and I had spent most of the night reviewing the fetal MRI and the teratoma ultrasound to come up with a surgical plan to offer the mamma and her husband.

Sometimes these cases got very close to home and now more than ever my hormones were harder to keep in line. She'd had three miscarriages and went through years of fertility treatment to have this present itself. "Are you... Do you need me to get you anything? Coffee? Sugar?"

"Uh... No Wilson, grazie. It's– It's just the hormones. I started progesterone yesterday and I'm just a little all over the place with everything." Normally I wouldn't talk about these things, but Jo was there that day, I collapsed in front of her so she had to learn everything that way. So now I felt a little safer telling her.