Carolina Blue

Part 24

Lukas POV

I enjoyed watching 'Lina ride the horse, I could tell she had missed the feeling. Now as we both sat on our horses a top the hill looking out at the ranch, I stole a glance at her. I could tell although she was here but her mind was wandering.

"Hey 'Lina?"

"Yeah," Lina glance my way then went back to staring at the sky.

"You're so strong, and whatever happens you're gonna get through this."

She let a soft smile spread across he sun kissed face, and lightly nodded, "I know, and thank you for all your help, I couldn't do it without you."

I reached my hand out to her, and Carolina placed her hand in mine. I intertwined our fingers together and gave hers a light squeeze, signaling that I will always be here for her. "Always"

She gave a light squeeze back.

"Hey Lukas?" Lina asked hesitantly this time eying me carefully.

"Yeah?" I looked at 'Lina with curiosity. I wasn't sure what was about to come, or how to brace myself.

"That day.." Carolina paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. "When you helped talk me down from a panic attack. How did you know how to do that?"

I was not expecting to be hit with that question tonight. I figured one day, 'Lina may ask thought. I stared at the stars hesitant to speak about a subject very few in my circle were ever allowed in on. Carolina worrying about my hesitation hurriedly added, "Sorry, you don't have to tell me."

I swiftly grabbed her hand again and squeezed, "No, 'Lina, I want to tell you, I just haven't talked about it for a long time."

'Lina nodded and squeezed my hand to show support.

I took a breath before beginning, "My ma had bi-polar, and growing up she would have episodes where her anxiety would get really bad, or the paranoia would become so strong she would forget how to breathe." I paused for a moment and looked at 'Lina who was staring back at me with compassionate eyes, no pity, no judgement, just compassion.

"My dad taught me how to calm her down sometimes was by counting backwards from 100 with breathing."

Carolina nodded, "That makes sense, does your Ma still struggle with it today?"

I looked back at the stars, trying to process all of my emotions that I hadn't dug up in years, "Unfortunately my Ma's bi-polar increasingly got worse, and one day she decided she couldn't take it anymore and she committed suicide."

Carolina reached out to me, and held my hand, "That must've been so hard Lukas."

I nodded, it was hell when it happened and it took an even greater toll on my dad. My Ma was truly my dad's best friend and he was lost without her. Sure, on my ma's bad days she was a handful, but man on her good days she was a saint, full of love, life, and laughter.

"It was, after that when I was dealing with losing her, I experienced a few panic attacks myself and I had to calm myself down from."

"That must've been really hard to go through."

"Yeah, honestly the worst part was I didn't only loose my mama, but my dad ain't like he used to be, he doesn't go around taking life lightly and laughing. Man, I haven't seen my dad truly laugh in a long time. Losing my ma really put a distance between my dad and I."

'Lina squeezed my hand, "Where does your dad live now?"

"I'm originally from Oklahoma, but when Ma died, dad picked us up and moved us to Texas." I looked at 'Lina to see her eyebrows raised in surprise, "What surprised I'm not a true Texan cowboy?"

While us both still sitting on top of our horses, 'Lina reached over and lightly hit me playfully, "Oh stop Lukas, for bein' a transplant here, you're about as true Texan as they come. I always figured you grew up around here."

I found myself lightly smiling at Carolina's words, "Thanks, but once I graduated high school down here, my dad packed up again and moved back to Oklahoma to take care of my Grandma who has dementia."

Carolina nodded and looked up at the stars, "sometimes life sucks."

"Yeah, 'Lina sometimes it does."

After a beat of silence, 'Lina broke it by saying, "Lukas, thanks for letting me in. If you ever need anything or want to just talk about your mom, or your family, I hope you know I'm always here for you."

"Same goes for you 'Lina." And I meant anything, anytime, I would always hold a special please for 'Lina.

We sat there for a moment before I decided we should probably head back.