Carolina Blue

Part 32

Carolina POV

Somehow tonight I found myself lying in the bed of Cope's truck in the driveway of Ol' Man Jerry's cotton field. Almost three months had passed since Cope's accident and the summer was starting to slip away. A week ago Ol Man Jerry also passed.

I'm supposed to return to college soon, but I don't think I can leave. It's not even just Cope that I don't want to leave anymore. The last Couple weeks I've done a few barrels races and I've placed in the top three every time. The crazy part is, I'm also enjoying it not to mention spending time with Lukas.

Lukas. He often comes into my mind filled next with guilt for the feelings that my heart has been developing for him. I love Cope still so damn much and I miss spending nights with him driving around "gravel farmin'." He used to drive me all over the county telling me who owned what and his opinion. I'd do anything for him to wake up and smile at me again, but the doctors have more frequently been giving us information of preparing for a hard decision, and letting us know his brain activity has been decreasing.

I don't know when the tears started, but my body was raking itself with sobs. I know that my Cope, the Cope I met last summer in Settlers was most likely gone. Even if the Cope laying in hospital bed wakes up, it won't be the same one that I fell in love with. I'm not saying I wouldn't still love him, but I just felt a wave of loss overcome me.

Then I heard the slowing of a car coming up the road, and soon the crunch of the gravel of someone stopping behind me. I didn't even bother to look, if someone wants to murder me, I just hope they do it quick.

Shortly enough, I saw Lukas standing above me before he climbed up into the truck bed with me. Without saying a word he wrapped me up in my arms as I cried out. Every now and then a quiet "shh," or "it'll be alright," came from Lukas as he rocked me.

Once my sobs had slowed down, I looked up at Lukas, who was still holding me. Lukas nodded, "I know, 'Lina, I know."

I let a few more tears escape, as I attempted to gather my breathing. After my tears dried up we sat in silence together for I don't know how long before Lukas broke it, "So you go back to college soon?"

I looked off in the distance into the sun setting, pondering all my life choices. I was originally going to school to become a teacher, but I don't even know if that's what I want anymore. While continuing to peer at the sunset I responded softly, "I don't think I want to go back." As I finished the sentence that I hadn't dare say to anyone else yet, I glanced at Lukas. I was expecting to see judgement, or a hard expression that was ready to argue with me on the subject. Instead I found a soft expression on his face as he shrugged his shoulders, "So don't."

I gave him a quizzical look, "But I don't know if it's that simple."

Lukas turned to meet my eyes, "It can be. Stay here, whether that's for a semester, a year, or always. Come on the road with me. We can compete in rodeos together and keep each other company."

Man, the idea did sound tempting, but I could hear my Mama's words scolding me right now, saying if I drop out of college, I will never go back, and I'll end up knocked up and divorced before I'm thirty.

I gave Lukas an apprehensive look, "I don't know if I could."

Lukas hard a new spark of confidence show up, "Why not?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off by Lukas, "And do not say anything about what other people's opinions on the subject are, I just want to know what you think about it."

I closed my mouth to think thoughtfully before responding, "Part of me would love to, but it's a big decision to make."

Lukas nodded, "Just promise me you'll think about okay?"

I nodded and held up my pinky, "I promise."

Lukas's pinky enclosed around my own, "Just so you know 'Lina I've never once broke a pinky promise and I expect the same in return." I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.