Carolina Blue

Part 37

Carolina POV

I was at Darla's watching her practice roping for this weekend. Darla, Lukas, and I were all competing in eastern Texas this weekend. She rode over to me and gave me a concerning look, "What's on your mind 'Lina? You seem like you're off in another world."

I glanced around taking in the scene, before inhaling a slow breath, "Lukas asked me on a date."

Darla's lips tugged into a wide grin, but then relaxed back into a softer smile. "What did you say?"

"I told him, I would think about it, that I would feel guilty if I'd say yes."

Darla dismounted from her house and walked closer to me. "Answer this, do you like Lukas, like more than just a friend?"

I took a sharp intake of breath. Darla had hit the nail on the head of the real question that was rolling around in my head. "I still love Cope."

Darla nodded her head lightly and with sorrow eyes pressed, "I know honey, but that doesn't mean you couldn't have developed feelings for Lukas somewhere along the way."

I felt the my eyes fill with tears threatening to pour over for the umpteenth time this week. I glanced up willing the tears to stay away, "I think somewhere along the way yes I started to fall for Lukas."

Darla's eyes widened slightly as I said started to fall, but she composed herself quickly. "So why not say yes to man, he is head over heels for you."

I looked at Darla with desperation, "But it's not that simple. My boyfriend may not be in the best health, but he is still alive. He is here, and technically I am still dating him meaning that going out with Lukas would be cheating. And I already feel that I've toed that line, maybe even before Cope's accident which I feel even worse about."

A single tear escaped while I finished.

Darla looked at me confused, "What do you mean you toed the line before?"

I took a deep breath, "You know last summer, when I quit ropin'?"

Darla looked at me and nodded, "yeah you said somethin' happened but you didn't want to talk about it."

I nodded and took a deep breath, "I was sexually assaulted at the last rodeo I roped at. He snuck up to me and cornered me and.." I took a deep breath as the tears started to fall. Darla came up beside me and put a comforting arm around my shoulder. "And he started putting his hands all over me. Then someone came and punched him and got him away from me."

I glanced at Darla to see if she had put the pieces together yet. She was still looking like she was trying to wrap her mind around everything while having her own tears in her eyes, so I added, "The person that saved me that night was Lukas."

Darla's eyes widen and her mouth went into an 'o' shape. "I really wanted to tell you so many times, but I wasn't ready to tell Cope. And it seemed like every time it came up Cope was around."

Darla engulfed me in a hug, "I'm so sorry you had to go through that Carolina."

I hugged her back tightly, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

While still hugging Darla replied, "It's okay, I'm just sorry you had to be dealing with that all alone."

I nodded and pulled away, "I was until Lukas came back in the picture."

Darla looked as though the pieces were finally all falling together. "I see, so you hadn't talked to him again until Cope's first rodeo?"

I nodded, "Correct, I didn't even know that he rode bulls, and I didn't have anyway of contacting him, But once he was back in my life, I started leaning on him."

Darla looking at me confused, "But that's what friends are for, I don't see how that's anywhere close to cheating."

I glanced away before responding, "I sometimes get really bad nightmares where I relive the situation over and over again. One time instead of going to Cope I showed up at Lukas's house for comfort. We didn't do anything we just watched TV and he let me sleep. I felt like part of me betrayed Cope though because I never told him about it."

"That's still just being a friend 'Lina. Can I ask, why did you never tell Cope?"

"I never felt like I was ready to relive all the details, and I knew Cope would have questions. I also knew Cope would try and find the man who did it and let rage fuel vengeance."

Darla nodded, "I see."

"I still feel guilty. Plus the man who was my attacker showed up again at the rodeo right before Cope's accident. I told Cope we would talk about it after."

"Maybe you should still talk to Cope about it now. Whether or not if he can hear you, it might be good for you to lay it all out there."

I shrugged Darla did have a good point, "Maybe."

"So what's really holding you back from saying yes to Lukas?"

What is? People gossiping and calling me slut? Whether or not I have feelings for Lukas? Or... "I feel like if I say yes, I'm also admitting to giving up on all hope of Cope waking up."

"Okay, I have a hard question for you, and I won't judge the answer I promise. If Cope hadn't gotten into as major of accident, and was here as normal as ever and so was Lukas, who do you see yourself with."

I threw my hands up, "I don't know. I love Cope, but I think somewhere some part of me started to fall in love with Lukas. Which I know doesn't make sense because I always said that if you fall in love with someone else while with someone you never loved the first, you can't be in love with two people at once."

Darla patted me on the back gently, "Hey, hey, calm down, I think you can love and be in the love at the same time. I think those are two different things. You can love deeply for someone and want the best for them, but maybe they don't light your world up the way someone else might. Maybe you love Cope, but are in love with Lukas?"

I rolled my eyes and mumbled, "You sound like MaryAnn."

Darla smiled, "She's a very wise woman."

I nodded, "The wisest."

"See? So you should say yes."

"I'll think about it."

She bumped shoulders with me, "Sometimes 'Lina you gotta stop thinkin' so much and just jump."