When 45-year-old Theodore Narrator gets fired from his job as Employee 528 at a large company, he is at a loss for words. His life is already going down the gutter, and this feels like it will be the straw to break the camel's back. But one fateful...
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Theodore Narrator (known to his friends as Theo, or just The,) was sitting at his desk, in his cubicle. His only job, which he did not enjoy, was to sit at his keyboard for eight hours (the usual nine-to-five shift,) and press buttons all day. All of his coworkers enjoyed their jobs, though. He wondered why. It simply made no sense to him. who would enjoy this? Who in the world would sit down at their desk in the morning and go oh, boy! Time for another day at work! The most fun thing i'll ever do in my life, pushing buttons! It was completely ridiculous.
Sometimes he would take a break to go and get tea, and sometimes he would pause for a moment and take in his surroundings: his cubicle, with the number 528 on it, his neighbor's cubicle, with the number 529 on it, his neighbor's neighbor's cubicle, with the number 530 on it, and so on. Eventually, he would inevitably get bored, and decide that he would move on with his life and keep pressing his buttons like his boss told him to. But this time, something disrupted his regular schedule, something that would change his life forever.
He was just getting out of his chair to grab his second cup of tea, when he saw his boss walking into the room. He knew what this meant the instant he saw his familiar small, red pocket square. His boss instantly turned his way.
"Ah! 528," the boss said, cheerfully. Theo saw through his facade instantly. "Just who I was looking for! Follow me." Of course, Theo obliged. He knew what was coming next. His boss' face went from cheerful to annoyed the moment the two of them rounded the corner and stepped into the stairwell.
Theo stepped through the large oak-paneled doors of his boss' office. The red wallpaper, leather furniture, and fancy paintings gave an air of regalness to the room. Light streamed into the windows of the office, illuminating the small dust particles that floated around the room. As his boss sat on one side of the desk, Theo sat on the other.
"528. Theodore Narrator," he said, pulling out a file from his filing cabinet under his desk. "Funny name, isn't it?"
"That's a shame," he said, looking at his fingernails. "I was really hoping that I could spring it on you, Theodore. You know, have one of those dramatic boss moments, like in the movies. Do you mind if I say it anyways? Do a little bit of acting?"
"Not at all, sir." The boss took a deep breath and stood up. Pure rage filled his face.
"YOU'RE FIRED!" He really screamed it, slamming his hands into the table. It was clear that he had wanted to do this for a long time. Theo had seen it coming, but the shock still washed over him like a tsunami. He froze. He pushed up his glasses a bit, trying to stay calm. "May I explain, Theo? You never were... a perfect fit for our company. You just... how can i say this nicely? Ah, a metaphor. That would work." Theo braced himself for another one of his boss' really terrible corporate metaphors.
"You see, Narry," The boss continued with utter confidence. Theo wondered if the constant nicknames that the boss would always call him were supposed to be comforting or something. Spoiler alert: they weren't. "If this company was a machine, with hundreds of little cogs and gears, we would need all of the gears to fit together perfectly. no exceptions. All of the gears in this machine fit together perfectly, except for one. This one gear was ALMOST a perfect fit, but 'almost' never cuts it. This one gear made the machine slow and unreliable. So, we need to find a spare part. You are that gear, Thee. Don't take it too personally."
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Two months later, Theo was sitting at his laptop in a cafe, writing a novel. All of the jobs he applied for turned him down. He almost considered moving out of Chicago and back to London, but then changed his mind, because he wanted to spare himself the embarrassment of living in his parents' basement at 45 years old. He also didn't want to face his older brothers, who were now doctors and lawyers. He decided that instead of applying for a job, he would make his own work by writing a book. He had always enjoyed writing as a child, so he decided that it would be fun to do.
He was just finishing up the 23rd chapter of the novel, when a notification appeared in the corner of his screen.
Theodore, You've been hired! Click this message to see more about Theocorp, your new company! He looked at the name of the company. Theocorp. What a coincidence. And then he realized that he never applied for this job. The message that came with the notification read as follows:
Theodore J. Narrator, Congratulations on your new job! We at Theocorp think that you are the perfect candidate for your new position. You may be wondering how you got this position, knowing full well that you did not apply. We will explain when you get here on your first day. Please wear your old work uniform to your new job. (if you cannot obtain it, we will send you a spare, just email us.) You will find a keycard/id that will let you into the office in your mailbox this evening. If you wish to decline this position, please tell us face-to-face. We will be looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, 9 a.m. sharp, at office 13 at 1192-1227 Mangrove Street. Thank you for (hopefully) understanding! -The team at Theocorp
Nine a.m.!? that was rather early. But Theo, being himself, was curious. So he headed home, set an alarm for seven a.m., and set out his trusty blue shirt and navy tie that he hadn't worn in two months. He checked his mail, and sure enough, there it was. A grey ID card, with his old office picture on it. His name was printed in legible yellow text, and above it, in a monospaced font, was the company name. Theocorp.
